As The Butter Churns

March 14th A Rosie Outlook

 

(As much as I love our home, everything has been bleak)

    Since Norton’s passing the joy just seemed to drain right out of the farm. His little piggy ways, his snort-snort here and snort-snort there haunted me.

    Amber did pay for most of the costs incurred, and Helix was removed from the property that fateful night. Amber took him to her parents house where he started attacking their dogs the next day. Her father not wanting another tragedy wasn't taking any chances and took him back to the shelter where he was adopted from.

      The shelter was informed of the events, and I have no idea what happened after that.

    Amber and Marcus moved out as it just was too much with the other dogs. And they did not want to part with any of their dogs. I was nervous as there were two other pit bulls in the group. Probably nothing would have ever happened, but I just couldn't live with it. And to add insult to injury there were some barking issues. It isn't often my very far away neighbors complain, but complain they did. 

    Except perhaps for the blasted roosters, I really do adore all the animals but the tragedy of Norton’s death hung around like a dismal cloud and I just cloistered myself away.

    Quinn summed it up over hot apple cider, “You know, yesterday, it felt like Christmas, but today it doesn’t anymore.” So without much fanfare and a lot of prayer Christmas came and went. The New Year brought, Annabelle the llama and non-stop work on the honey business. Preparing for trade shows, learning QuickBooks, and streamlining the jarring process all under the watchful eye and tutelage of Awesomez.

(A Charger cake for Awesomez on her birthday)

    Of course, life goes on my dad came for his annual visit, although each year his visits get shorter and shorter. And as is almost predictable-  in a chaotic sort of way, there were issues with almost all the animals. The dogs got into some of Vivian’s pain medication and all four had to go to the vet for blood panels and treatment as it could easily cause liver failure. The despair Henry and I felt heading to the vet with Luther, Vivian, Bruno and Irish so soon after the last tragedy was overwhelming. My sister managed to come to the rescue, again. 

    Christina developed a fairly dramatic limp on her front foot. I tried trimming her hoof, but it didn’t seem to help so we loaded her in the Odyssey and took a ride to see Dr. Amber Itle at Kulshan, who gave her a good once over. Deemed fit we took her home again – but the limp persists.

(Christina en route - picture by Awesomez)

Alexis, Henry and I practiced goat foot trimming. Every one of the goats and sheep needed delousing, de-worming and Annabelle the quiet natured llama, settled in slowly becoming one of Rachel’s herd. At first, both the sheep and goats thought she was some sort of monster sent to eat them, but she was patient and eventually won them over. Truly she’s a gentle creature but she does not like Midge. Not one little bit.  In fact, she gives her the stink-eye and a wide berth.

(Annabelle)

(Everyone getting along)

(Annabelle and Midge - not the best of friends)

Midge was lonely and received – special house privileges. (note Irish, Midge and Bruno)

 

    Alexis worked on better feeding methods, winter barn solutions, building blockades and fixing blockades. Abe and Andy felt were not to their liking.

    Our new tenants moved in a very nice young couple. Kristi is a nursing student and a caretaker for an elderly woman. Stephanie wants to be a copywriter, but currently works with autistic children. They have moved in lock stock and barrel. Painting the entire place to make it their own. Short of a chicken massacre by Hal or Haley they're two black cats I don't anticipate any disasters.

 

(Rose and her newest friend - Midge)

    The unexpected bright spot has been Kristi and Stephanie's niece, Rose, the precocious 3 year-old who reintroduced me to the magic of my own farm. Rose believes with her heart that all the animals love, love, love her. And she's sure this is what heaven must be like. I believe she's right.

 

(Rosie and her new friend Midge)

    Rosie screeches with delight as Midge's nibbles at her toes. She tosses her head back when Irish tickles her with his nose. Rosie loves to go to the barn and help put the animals away. She thinks she's going to win Annabelle over with alfalfa pellets. And who am I to argue? Strangely she is terrified of only one animal. Rat-Bat. That's correct, Bruno the smallest one of them all.

(small but mighty?)

(Kristi and another frequent visitor - Rose's little brother Xavier James- or as Tom calls him -  "The X-Man)

 All four goats received nightly penicillin shots for potential foot rot. And in a miraculous turn of events just before we left for Natural Products Expo West Vivian was cleared of her cancer diagnosis. 

    Thrilled, I took it as a sign of change.

     We went to The Fancy Food Show in San Francisco and got our feet wet in the specialty food industry. We got such positive response we were encouraged to keep growing so Henry and I flew out of Bellingham to Burbank on our way to the Natural Products Expo West. We were chauffeured from the airport by none other than the hostess-with-the-mostess, June “Spoon”. Unfortunately, we only saw her fleetingly as she and Rod had tickets to Clapton and well, after all they were tickets to Clapton. So they took their leave while Henry sank into the comfy sofa and I chatted on the phone admiring the unique doors throughout the house while Tom inched toward us on the 134. 

(Tom -selling his heart out -Member Candidates - we had a table in the New Brands On The Shelf Pavillion - No one under 18 was allowed to attend The Fancy Food Show so Henry stayed home with Quinn, Phoebe, Lisa and Chris)

     When Tom finally arrived we stuffed the Ridgeline with some of June’s folding tables she was lending us for the show, our backdrop and everything else we needed to create our Henry’s Stingers booth and headed down to Balboa Island. My mother’s friend, Marie, had generously offered to let us use her beach apartment on Balboa Island during the show.  

     The next few days were non-stop: Disneyland - because how in the world could we travel all the way to Anaheim with a 13 year-old tell him he was going to work from 8-6 and no we weren’t going to go to Disneyland? The tsunami warning from a reverse 911 call at 4:30AM, endless spicy honey samples, smiling until our faces hurt. Henry did interview after interview and performed like a champ. He talked to “Chef Jamie” on KFWB, Delicious Living, White Apricot and even Entrepreneur Magazine. And for the grand finale? Henry’s Sweet Miracle Honey was named one of the top five new food products at the show. How lucky can we get?

(Delicious Living doing some video for being named one of the top 5 food products)

(Balbo Island- our view from Marie's beach apartment)

     On Sunday, tired beyond imagination our truck packed we drove back to June’s for pizza and pampering. Henry sank into a giant bathtub while we discussed the last few days over garlic hummus and heard all about Clapton.

     When we got home Alexis and all the dogs greeted us on the porch. I glanced around surveying all that was the farm when I noticed a duck amble by. 

     “Where’s Lance?” I asked. “There usually together.”

     I could tell something was on Alexis’ mind when he began. “I didn’t want to call you in California. But a couple of days ago I saw this eagle down by the tree where big boys (Abe and Andy the Milking Devons) sleep. I thought it had a black squirrel in its talons, but when I put the barn away, only one duck came home. I went to where I’d seen the eagle and sure enough there were black feathers.”

     “Oh, no! Now Angela is all alone.” Henry said. “Maybe we can put her in with Midge?”  We all considered the idea and went in for the evening beginning the endless process of unpacking. Although it was another death, this was the circle of life. The eagle probably had a nest and needed food. We could live with that.

 

(Midge - always good for a laugh is making a pig out of herself - enjoying a pizza box)

 

November 5th Are You My Llama?

 (Cocoa - an adorable llama along the way)

     Honestly, the last thing I want in this world is another animal. I know my sister won’t believe me, but I really have all the animals I can handle. After all, I have one precious pup dying of cancer and I already have the entire colonial farm animal collection – down to the very last snuggly little piggy, Midge. My barn is full and when I say full I mean love – and crap. A lot of work goes into keeping that place from falling apart. And in the winter they can’t just graze on the pasture. Hay costs money and chicken feed is not purchased for, you know - chicken feed.

     On the other hand, I can barely take the tension filled now dark drive home every evening. My stomach is in knots wondering if there’s been a coyote attack or Frank is roosting on the barn, if Alice is sitting on top of the chicken coop. I hope Norton and Midge are cuddled up in their pigpen and Alexander is tucked in his corner of the barn. Safe.

   (Silence stays safe in a tree)

    Night after night, my sleep is stolen by the sound of Irish warning howling coyotes to stay away. I worry about Lucky down in the pasture unable to walk let alone run. Death by coyote pack seems horrific. The yips from the pack in the hills taking there prey keep me from getting any real rest. I am at the window several times a night listening – just in case I need to rush to the pasture and intervene. The other night I heard such chilling sounds I stepped into Henry’s boots and ran in my flannel pajamas with my air horn to the barn for fear a coyote had slipped under the gap in the sheep pen door. It was a false alarm.

     There are three animals that protect a herd. First, is the donkey. To begin they will sound the alarm with an “EEEEEAhhhhh” that can be heard for quite a distance. Next they run and lure the predator away, kicking the unsuspecting culprit with deadly aim – They’re next assault, I call - the flamenco-dancer-stomp. They charge the intruder and stomp repeatedly with their front feet. Once they have their adversary pinned they go to stage three: the bite.

     Miracle performed this three-pronged assault beautifully when she first came. She bonded with the sheep and goats and begrudgingly looked after the geese. She used her arsenal of defense many times and I felt she was in control. In three years, I never lost an animal. The game warden often mentioned this surprised him when I’d report a cougar sighting, “After all, you’re practically running a lunch buffet out there.” What could I say? Miracle was a – well – miracle. But she like many females fell in love – and quit work.

   (lovebirds - Sir Edward and Miracle)

    The next recommended herd guardian is an Anatolian shepherd. And as it happens I have one of these. Anatolians are fierce protectors. They can withstand the cold.  Many live in the barn and stay with their flocks full time. But mine although interested in working part-time would rather spend his evenings on the sofa watching “Dancing with the Stars”. So he’s no solution.

   (Irish enjoying Quinn's attention. - He uses that freckled paw to clock you if you stop snuggling)

    At this point the only option left is to get rid of all my other animals, as they’re starting to get picked off one by bone. Or get a llama. What I don’t’ know about llama’s could fill a book so I began researching. Googling. And calling around. I spoke to Toby because she’d owned a couple. She told me about their feet, their feed and what she thought. I looked on craigslist because I didn’t want to spend a lot of money and figured I might be able to pick up a slightly used llama. Finally, I talked to a man who told me about a woman who didn’t live too far from me who was an expert in llamas. I called her.

     Niki Kuklenski owned many llamas – none of which were for sale, but she said she’d love to have us over to talk about llamas and have us meet a few. She also mentioned she liked to help people find the right llama. So I got Henry, wrangled up Awesomez and headed out to meet some llamas.

     “What do you think of your mom looking at a llama?” Awesomez asked Henry.

     “When my mom says let’s go Look at an llama, that’s mom-speak for get a llama and take it home with us,” Henry said looking out the window.

     “The ones we’re going to see today are not even for sale!” I protested.

     “I know you.” Henry said without missing a beat.

     “At least I know you can’t take one home in a minivan,” Awesomez looked over at me and chuckled.

     We got out of the van and were introduced to about twenty different llamas. We were sniffed and scrutinized. Llamas it turns out have no idea of personal space.

     We learned llamas are similar to cats. They investigate you when they feel like it. Not all are good guardians. Males are perverts and will kill the female sheep and goats they’re protecting trying to mate them. Llamas should only spit at each other or if really threatened. They should not just go around spitting at people that is the equivalent of having a dog that bites. Llamas need llama pellets, selenium and hardly ever go in a barn. They like being outside, need a bit of shelter and hardly eat a thing. Some breeds you sheer for fiber some you don’t. If you do sheer them then you do it about once a year. You trim their feet every couple of months. Llamas can cost thousands of dollars or even be free. “Oh and you can put them in a minivan,” Niki said off-handedly walking toward the tack room. “They’ll cush right down.”

     I glanced at Awesomez who could barely keep from laughing. We did not go home with a llama in my minivan. But we did get some leads on free llamas.

     A couple of days later, Henry and I were in the car on our way to meet “Breezy”. The drive we thought was going to be about three hours one-way.  Henry didn’t mind he just popped in “Animal House” and leaned back.

     After the main feature, the bonus features, the director’s commentary and the anniversary extras Henry asked sleepily, “ How much longer?” We were well past the three-hour mark, I looked at the exit number on the directions and glanced at the off ramp sign,  quickly deducing we were only about two-thirds there. After some discussion, and the promise of a pizza, we decided since we already gone this far we’d keep going.

     When the sign “42 miles to Portland” came into view I had to laugh. Had we known it was going to take us six hours we never would have gotten in the car, but here were. We got off the freeway and made our way to the llama place. Breezy was adorable. She had a beautiful face and a cream and camel colored coat. As we looked at her we wondered if she was going to be ours – “I just wormed her and did her feet. She’s ready to go he said as he went in her pen and tried to put her lead on her. I felt guilty. He’d obviously thought we were going to leave with her today. Suddenly I felt a little trapped.

   (Breezy)

 (Pretty Breezy)

    Breezy pinned her ears as she threw her head back and worked up a good one. She spat and spat at the nice man who tried to brush it off. “She’s a little cranky right now,” he apologized, but she’ll settle down. I thought of my grandmother Irene – “Pretty is as pretty does” she used to say.

     “Henry go on over there so I can get a picture of you with Breezy.” I suggested. Henry just glared at me arms folded not budging. 

     “Can we meet the babies in the lower pasture?” Henry redirected already done with Breezy. They were friendly, snuggly and sweet. From the moment we came to the gate they ran across the field to greet us. Their gate is so funny they look kind of like a camel when they move. It was hilarious to seen them romp toward us. Taller than us, they craned their necks over the tops of us. As I was speaking, to the owner I felt something - turning my head slightly I saw a llama face only ½ an inch away. I couldn’t help but giggle.

     One llama considered abnormal – had defective blue eyes. He was Breezy’s son, which is why they were getting rid of her. Patches looked a little like a vampire llama. The other one was Rizzo. Henry fell in love with Patches. And although Patches was available he was a both a baby and a boy. And therefore out of the question. Just as Henry began to beg and try and convince me Patches wouldn’t be a problem, Patches made an un-godly gurgling sound and mounted Rizzo.

   (Patches and Rizzo)

 (there are the blue eyes)
 

    “What was that creepy weird sound?” Henry laughed.

     “That’s orgling,” the woman replied.

     “Good name,” Henry confirmed.

     "It's the mating sound," she explained.

    "It sounds more like the date rape sound," Henry laughed again.

     We went to yet another pasture and wrangled one llama to the side. This was Annabelle. She was ten years-old and much sweeter than Breezy, to be sure but completely uninterested in us. Of course, I knew she won’t be like a dog, but she still just didn’t seem right. I didn’t connect with her nor did Henry.

  

    After that we were introduced to a few more llamas. One little girl named Cocoa who was a doll. And despite her youth we might have taken her, but she wasn’t for sale. So against all odds we left without a llama. Instead, I spent 6 hours listening to why I should get Patches despite his mounting and orgling.

   (Henry holds still while Cocoa investigates)

 (Henry and Cocoa)
 

    That night I reported back to my llama mentor about the spitting incident. Appalled she ferreted up a few more - free llama possibilities. And two days later, Awesomez and I were on a ferry to meet more llamas.

     “I noticed the seats are down in your van this morning,” Awesomez snickered. “Is there some possibility you’re going to attempt to bring a llama back in the van on a ferry? Do they allow llamas on ferries in Washington?” She said as she took a sip of her morning coffee the wind blowing as the boat sped across the bay.

 (Awesomez on the ferry)

 

 (me)

     “It’s not a llama, it’s just a big dog. An exotic giant breed dog, Tibetan I believe. ”

     “I see,” she said as we took in the spectacular blue sky the wind whipping our hair in ninety-eight directions.

     When we drove off the ferry we head out of Port Townsend. “You mean you don’t know how to get there? We’re just supposed to look for a car on the side of the road?” Awesomez asked incredulously.  I hadn’t told her this information, as she can be a little excitable. This was a need to know basis operation. She was also unaware at this point that if we didn’t find the llama of my dreams we were headed another hour or so south to one of the places they filmed “Twilight”. I figured I’d spring that on her later – if necessary.

     “She said she’d be there, just think of this as an adventure,” I said. Soon after we spied a car lurking on the side of the road. The window slid down,

     “Follow me,” she said and obediently, I fell behind her car. We wound up a rutted dirt road into the hills.

     Bouncing around in her seatbelt like a rag doll Awesomez noted, “This is uhhhh way uhhh more remote than yourrrrr house.” And then, on cue, the forest opened and a lovely very suburban looking house sat in a clearing.

     I parked and we got out greeting our newest llama-lady, Mikie.  Without a lot of excess chitchat we head down the hill to the barn. Along the path we met a muddy old light brown dog with a limp who decided to allow us to continue.

    As a bevy of llamas came into view, but one llama stood out. She was tall and goofy looking. I liked her immediately. They were all dark chocolate brown with various markings. I stood there hopeful.

   (Masquerade- beautiful but not for me)

   (Never and Belle)

    “This one right here is Belle, she’s the proven herd guardian,” Tim told us. Sometimes you get what you hope for and this was one of those times. I couldn’t help smiling – Belle – maybe she wouldn’t mind Annabelle.

    After she was haltered I took Annabelle for a little get-to-know-you-walk. The walk went ridiculously well. Annabelle and I were like two old friends.

     “She’s really taken to her,” her owner, said to Awesomez as I walked by, “I’m kind of amazed.” Annabelle was giving me tickly llama kisses on my face.

     “She’s really good with animals,” I could hear Awesomez singing my praises.

(not a fancy edited video but. it's better than nothing?)

 

     “Considering how things are going I think we have a match,” Mikie said suggesting Belle might just hop in the van with me. We all walked over to the Odyssey to give it a try. I got in the back holding the lead rope. Annabelle peered in considering the situation. She stood there eyeing me wondering what I was doing. Sadly, Belle decided she really wasn’t up for a car trip and so I walked her back and put her in her pen with her friends. “You’re my llama.” I whispered to her. She nibbled my ear with her soft llama lips.

 (the old dog, Stacey and Belle with my Honda Odyssey)

   (Belle - kooky and sweet - now also known as - Miss Annabelle Lee)

When we were driving away, Awesomez said, “you love her don’t you?” I nodded surprised at how I felt. Who knew I was going to love a llama? Love is funny, you never know when it’s going to find you.