As The Butter Churns

November 5th Are You My Llama?

 (Cocoa - an adorable llama along the way)

     Honestly, the last thing I want in this world is another animal. I know my sister won’t believe me, but I really have all the animals I can handle. After all, I have one precious pup dying of cancer and I already have the entire colonial farm animal collection – down to the very last snuggly little piggy, Midge. My barn is full and when I say full I mean love – and crap. A lot of work goes into keeping that place from falling apart. And in the winter they can’t just graze on the pasture. Hay costs money and chicken feed is not purchased for, you know - chicken feed.

     On the other hand, I can barely take the tension filled now dark drive home every evening. My stomach is in knots wondering if there’s been a coyote attack or Frank is roosting on the barn, if Alice is sitting on top of the chicken coop. I hope Norton and Midge are cuddled up in their pigpen and Alexander is tucked in his corner of the barn. Safe.

   (Silence stays safe in a tree)

    Night after night, my sleep is stolen by the sound of Irish warning howling coyotes to stay away. I worry about Lucky down in the pasture unable to walk let alone run. Death by coyote pack seems horrific. The yips from the pack in the hills taking there prey keep me from getting any real rest. I am at the window several times a night listening – just in case I need to rush to the pasture and intervene. The other night I heard such chilling sounds I stepped into Henry’s boots and ran in my flannel pajamas with my air horn to the barn for fear a coyote had slipped under the gap in the sheep pen door. It was a false alarm.

     There are three animals that protect a herd. First, is the donkey. To begin they will sound the alarm with an “EEEEEAhhhhh” that can be heard for quite a distance. Next they run and lure the predator away, kicking the unsuspecting culprit with deadly aim – They’re next assault, I call - the flamenco-dancer-stomp. They charge the intruder and stomp repeatedly with their front feet. Once they have their adversary pinned they go to stage three: the bite.

     Miracle performed this three-pronged assault beautifully when she first came. She bonded with the sheep and goats and begrudgingly looked after the geese. She used her arsenal of defense many times and I felt she was in control. In three years, I never lost an animal. The game warden often mentioned this surprised him when I’d report a cougar sighting, “After all, you’re practically running a lunch buffet out there.” What could I say? Miracle was a – well – miracle. But she like many females fell in love – and quit work.

   (lovebirds - Sir Edward and Miracle)

    The next recommended herd guardian is an Anatolian shepherd. And as it happens I have one of these. Anatolians are fierce protectors. They can withstand the cold.  Many live in the barn and stay with their flocks full time. But mine although interested in working part-time would rather spend his evenings on the sofa watching “Dancing with the Stars”. So he’s no solution.

   (Irish enjoying Quinn's attention. - He uses that freckled paw to clock you if you stop snuggling)

    At this point the only option left is to get rid of all my other animals, as they’re starting to get picked off one by bone. Or get a llama. What I don’t’ know about llama’s could fill a book so I began researching. Googling. And calling around. I spoke to Toby because she’d owned a couple. She told me about their feet, their feed and what she thought. I looked on craigslist because I didn’t want to spend a lot of money and figured I might be able to pick up a slightly used llama. Finally, I talked to a man who told me about a woman who didn’t live too far from me who was an expert in llamas. I called her.

     Niki Kuklenski owned many llamas – none of which were for sale, but she said she’d love to have us over to talk about llamas and have us meet a few. She also mentioned she liked to help people find the right llama. So I got Henry, wrangled up Awesomez and headed out to meet some llamas.

     “What do you think of your mom looking at a llama?” Awesomez asked Henry.

     “When my mom says let’s go Look at an llama, that’s mom-speak for get a llama and take it home with us,” Henry said looking out the window.

     “The ones we’re going to see today are not even for sale!” I protested.

     “I know you.” Henry said without missing a beat.

     “At least I know you can’t take one home in a minivan,” Awesomez looked over at me and chuckled.

     We got out of the van and were introduced to about twenty different llamas. We were sniffed and scrutinized. Llamas it turns out have no idea of personal space.

     We learned llamas are similar to cats. They investigate you when they feel like it. Not all are good guardians. Males are perverts and will kill the female sheep and goats they’re protecting trying to mate them. Llamas should only spit at each other or if really threatened. They should not just go around spitting at people that is the equivalent of having a dog that bites. Llamas need llama pellets, selenium and hardly ever go in a barn. They like being outside, need a bit of shelter and hardly eat a thing. Some breeds you sheer for fiber some you don’t. If you do sheer them then you do it about once a year. You trim their feet every couple of months. Llamas can cost thousands of dollars or even be free. “Oh and you can put them in a minivan,” Niki said off-handedly walking toward the tack room. “They’ll cush right down.”

     I glanced at Awesomez who could barely keep from laughing. We did not go home with a llama in my minivan. But we did get some leads on free llamas.

     A couple of days later, Henry and I were in the car on our way to meet “Breezy”. The drive we thought was going to be about three hours one-way.  Henry didn’t mind he just popped in “Animal House” and leaned back.

     After the main feature, the bonus features, the director’s commentary and the anniversary extras Henry asked sleepily, “ How much longer?” We were well past the three-hour mark, I looked at the exit number on the directions and glanced at the off ramp sign,  quickly deducing we were only about two-thirds there. After some discussion, and the promise of a pizza, we decided since we already gone this far we’d keep going.

     When the sign “42 miles to Portland” came into view I had to laugh. Had we known it was going to take us six hours we never would have gotten in the car, but here were. We got off the freeway and made our way to the llama place. Breezy was adorable. She had a beautiful face and a cream and camel colored coat. As we looked at her we wondered if she was going to be ours – “I just wormed her and did her feet. She’s ready to go he said as he went in her pen and tried to put her lead on her. I felt guilty. He’d obviously thought we were going to leave with her today. Suddenly I felt a little trapped.

   (Breezy)

 (Pretty Breezy)

    Breezy pinned her ears as she threw her head back and worked up a good one. She spat and spat at the nice man who tried to brush it off. “She’s a little cranky right now,” he apologized, but she’ll settle down. I thought of my grandmother Irene – “Pretty is as pretty does” she used to say.

     “Henry go on over there so I can get a picture of you with Breezy.” I suggested. Henry just glared at me arms folded not budging. 

     “Can we meet the babies in the lower pasture?” Henry redirected already done with Breezy. They were friendly, snuggly and sweet. From the moment we came to the gate they ran across the field to greet us. Their gate is so funny they look kind of like a camel when they move. It was hilarious to seen them romp toward us. Taller than us, they craned their necks over the tops of us. As I was speaking, to the owner I felt something - turning my head slightly I saw a llama face only ½ an inch away. I couldn’t help but giggle.

     One llama considered abnormal – had defective blue eyes. He was Breezy’s son, which is why they were getting rid of her. Patches looked a little like a vampire llama. The other one was Rizzo. Henry fell in love with Patches. And although Patches was available he was a both a baby and a boy. And therefore out of the question. Just as Henry began to beg and try and convince me Patches wouldn’t be a problem, Patches made an un-godly gurgling sound and mounted Rizzo.

   (Patches and Rizzo)

 (there are the blue eyes)
 

    “What was that creepy weird sound?” Henry laughed.

     “That’s orgling,” the woman replied.

     “Good name,” Henry confirmed.

     "It's the mating sound," she explained.

    "It sounds more like the date rape sound," Henry laughed again.

     We went to yet another pasture and wrangled one llama to the side. This was Annabelle. She was ten years-old and much sweeter than Breezy, to be sure but completely uninterested in us. Of course, I knew she won’t be like a dog, but she still just didn’t seem right. I didn’t connect with her nor did Henry.

  

    After that we were introduced to a few more llamas. One little girl named Cocoa who was a doll. And despite her youth we might have taken her, but she wasn’t for sale. So against all odds we left without a llama. Instead, I spent 6 hours listening to why I should get Patches despite his mounting and orgling.

   (Henry holds still while Cocoa investigates)

 (Henry and Cocoa)
 

    That night I reported back to my llama mentor about the spitting incident. Appalled she ferreted up a few more - free llama possibilities. And two days later, Awesomez and I were on a ferry to meet more llamas.

     “I noticed the seats are down in your van this morning,” Awesomez snickered. “Is there some possibility you’re going to attempt to bring a llama back in the van on a ferry? Do they allow llamas on ferries in Washington?” She said as she took a sip of her morning coffee the wind blowing as the boat sped across the bay.

 (Awesomez on the ferry)

 

 (me)

     “It’s not a llama, it’s just a big dog. An exotic giant breed dog, Tibetan I believe. ”

     “I see,” she said as we took in the spectacular blue sky the wind whipping our hair in ninety-eight directions.

     When we drove off the ferry we head out of Port Townsend. “You mean you don’t know how to get there? We’re just supposed to look for a car on the side of the road?” Awesomez asked incredulously.  I hadn’t told her this information, as she can be a little excitable. This was a need to know basis operation. She was also unaware at this point that if we didn’t find the llama of my dreams we were headed another hour or so south to one of the places they filmed “Twilight”. I figured I’d spring that on her later – if necessary.

     “She said she’d be there, just think of this as an adventure,” I said. Soon after we spied a car lurking on the side of the road. The window slid down,

     “Follow me,” she said and obediently, I fell behind her car. We wound up a rutted dirt road into the hills.

     Bouncing around in her seatbelt like a rag doll Awesomez noted, “This is uhhhh way uhhh more remote than yourrrrr house.” And then, on cue, the forest opened and a lovely very suburban looking house sat in a clearing.

     I parked and we got out greeting our newest llama-lady, Mikie.  Without a lot of excess chitchat we head down the hill to the barn. Along the path we met a muddy old light brown dog with a limp who decided to allow us to continue.

    As a bevy of llamas came into view, but one llama stood out. She was tall and goofy looking. I liked her immediately. They were all dark chocolate brown with various markings. I stood there hopeful.

   (Masquerade- beautiful but not for me)

   (Never and Belle)

    “This one right here is Belle, she’s the proven herd guardian,” Tim told us. Sometimes you get what you hope for and this was one of those times. I couldn’t help smiling – Belle – maybe she wouldn’t mind Annabelle.

    After she was haltered I took Annabelle for a little get-to-know-you-walk. The walk went ridiculously well. Annabelle and I were like two old friends.

     “She’s really taken to her,” her owner, said to Awesomez as I walked by, “I’m kind of amazed.” Annabelle was giving me tickly llama kisses on my face.

     “She’s really good with animals,” I could hear Awesomez singing my praises.

(not a fancy edited video but. it's better than nothing?)

 

     “Considering how things are going I think we have a match,” Mikie said suggesting Belle might just hop in the van with me. We all walked over to the Odyssey to give it a try. I got in the back holding the lead rope. Annabelle peered in considering the situation. She stood there eyeing me wondering what I was doing. Sadly, Belle decided she really wasn’t up for a car trip and so I walked her back and put her in her pen with her friends. “You’re my llama.” I whispered to her. She nibbled my ear with her soft llama lips.

 (the old dog, Stacey and Belle with my Honda Odyssey)

   (Belle - kooky and sweet - now also known as - Miss Annabelle Lee)

When we were driving away, Awesomez said, “you love her don’t you?” I nodded surprised at how I felt. Who knew I was going to love a llama? Love is funny, you never know when it’s going to find you.

 

November 3rd The French Connection

 (Porcs dans une couverture -Norton and Midge do - pigs in a blanket)

Dearest Daddy, 

     Bonjour. I am sorry about this year’s Notre Dame football team but I suppose you're getting used to it. And I hear the cold Paris autumn is intolérable.  I know I’ve been unusually silent since the spring, and I know too it makes you feel disconnected from everything that’s going on here. Again, I’m sorry. Forgive me if I repeat myself, but I’m just going to give you a broad update on what’s been going on.

 L'actualité:

    Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been on a big life improvement kick. As you know, it started with the around the clock renovations on the house. I just couldn’t take it any more – the constant mess, projects everywhere. It consumed me – and frankly, I went to and from school, Home Depot and Lowes. Alexis and I worked as I’ve said before, late into the night. Day after day after day.

 

(achem - my dirty little secret - the laundry basket of unopened mail - Awesomez is helping me - correction forcing me to open- ok I'm still lying she's opening it and I'm standing next to her)

 

 

(Alexis works and works and works)

    Then Lisa and Lindsey moved in and the renovations that weren’t finished came to an abrupt standstill. Even now, pieces of window casing and crown molding stacked in the game room. But it was time to prepare for the fair.

     Honey became the focus. We had to jar and then we had to buy shelves to put the jars on. Banners were designed, and created, business cards, t-shirts tables, tablecloths, infomercials, etc. Awesomez labeled day in and day out. The fair came and went. 

 

    Sales from the fair were underwhelming. It was exhausting trying to compete with deep fried Oreos™. The problem we face is that true honey lovers don’t like you to “do” anything to their honey and consequently, they don’t appreciate the idea of the Stingers™ line. Unfortunately, people who really like it don’t want to try it, because they think they don’t really like honey enough. I’ve been racking my brain how to overcome this problem and I keep thinking about the Life cereal campaign “Hey Mikey! You try it.” Moms were supposed to think it was healthy, but kids were supposed to think it was tasty.  

  (Honey packages -almost ready for mailing- we use hay - it's environmentally friendly - it smells good when you open it and we have a whole lot of it on hand)

   (Henry mailing his honey)

    A few stores are carrying it now and it seems to be selling, but we really need an endorsement from someone whom people admire, a food editor or someone. If only Ellen liked spicy food. Who knows? Maybe she does. Perhaps I’ll send her a jar. We did just get accepted as a member candidate to the National Association for the Specialty Food Trade, which means we may be going to their Winter Fancy Food Show in January. It’s in San Francisco and though it won’t be cheap, I think it’s the best way to help launch Henry’s Sweet Miracle Honey™ and Stingers™. Oh and by the way, we’re just now coming out with a new flavor! The Naughty Nana™. It’s a ginger/pepper blend. I can’t wait for you to taste it when you come in January. Chris says it’s his new favorite.

 (getting ready to launch)

     School started and life became complicated. Awesomez and I were trying to juggle the kids, school and everything else. Lindsey is very teen and thought living on the farm was fine in the summer, but it hampered her social life. So after much discussion, Lisa and Lindsey found an apartment in town near school. It was definitely the right decision. They have two dogs (Angel and Tasia- as in “Fantasia”) and neither got along with Irish. This made living in the house a bit more of a circus than usual. And having them in town is handy. I can go and spend the day at their apartment learning QuickBooks™  (a bookkeeping program) and not have to stay at a coffee shop all day. Awesomez can drop off or pick up something for me so it’s great in a lot of ways. Awesomez and I are actually spending more time together than when we were living together. I feel as though I got my friend back. Besides, blending two families isn’t easy. Heck, living with anyone isn’t easy, especially, since she's about as fanatic about football as you are. 

   (Awesomez and I work at taking the top fence post off - around the entire pasture - Alexis' great idea to save money and still be able to build a new section-Brilliant!)

    The truth is though it hit me hard they were going to leave; I’d worked so long for them to arrive and spent so much time preparing. I had this picture in my head of snowy evenings with us around the fire watching some old movie. Alas, that was not to be. Lindsey won’t watch old movies. Awesomez is so allergic to pet dander she could barely sit on the sofa, proving life isn’t always a Christmas card. Selfishly, I’d also imagined Awesomez would be there to help me with all the winter stuff. 

     As luck would have it, just about this time Alexis mentioned he was looking for a place to spend the winter. His situation was coming to a close and he needed to move on. So without much hesitation I offered him the attic “penthouse” and he gladly accepted. We worked out a rent/work agreement and are happily preparing for winter getting heat lamps, checking water heaters and putting in wind blocks. There’s so much to repair on the loafing shed in the pasture. The little cows have pushed down planks all over the place and the round bale feeder leaks like sieve.

   (back in my coveralls again - cleaning out the barn from Sir Edward's mischief)

    I can’t tell you what a relief it is to come home and find something done that I didn’t do. Alexis has already reorganized the barn and prevented an electrical fire down at the pump house. It seems my cracker jack former contractor didn’t make sure the wiring down there was done properly and we had an accident waiting to happen. The water stopped one evening when I wasn’t home and Alexis went to investigate only to smell the smoldering. He changed it out and prevented a disaster. 

     Speaking of shoddy workmanship, my sink in the kitchen has sunk again. I don’t understand why, but I guess the guys who put in my new counters and sink never built the proper support beneath it. So the sink has separated from the counter again by about two inches – This is the second time in less than three years. Bless his heart Alexis is fixing that today. While I steal away this precious time drinking coffee and writing you. C'est la vie.

     In addition to everything else, we’ve been asked to video document almost everything that goes on around here for a project. I feel a bit silly on camera, but I’ve been trying to comply. The idea is to inspire interest in Fort Flashback and the colonial living history camp. I know Dad I still dream. Rêver le rêve impossible. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree and all of that.

     I haven’t slept well in months, which has been taking its toll on me. There is a reason why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. It’s the coyotes. My friend, Anna who has a turkey farm has lost a huge portion of her heritage turkeys this year. I worry every time I hear howling close by. During the day I worry about Frank, Brad, Silence and Alice - my silly turkeys and of course, Louise, my one kooky chicken. Norton and Midge seem to take care of themselves, but a pack could definitely take them if they tried. So I’ve been thinking seriously about getting a llama. I know, I know, another animal? And it’s not colonial. Although I can rationalize with the best of them and the llama actually originated in North America millions of years ago before moving to South America - so actually it's Pre-colonial. Right? Anyway, I’ve struggled with this day after day turning the options over in my head.

    The thing is Miracle had just quit working. It seems this isn’t uncommon for donkeys they seem to work about two years and then retire. I guess she’s not unlike a lot of women, she fell in love and quit her job. What can I say? She’s an ass. Then of course, there’s Irish, but frankly he’d rather be curled up watching “Dancing With The Stars” than living outside guarding animals. So the only other choice is a llama. What with winter fast approaching and darkness being the order of the day, coyote attacks become more and more likely.

 (just a little baby bear in the middle of  Mosquito Lake Road -)

 (a baby bear we saw on the way home- it was no bigger than Vivian and all alone - I hope Mama was close by)

     If you can imagine, the nights are worse. You see, Lucky is still lame and I’m afraid they could easily take her down. I can’t imagine what a slow terrible death that would be.  Irish does alert me to any trouble. So almost every night I get up and listen at the window to hear how close they are. If they are in fact, in the pasture I put on my coat and go down in the van. This happens so many times a night I’ve taken to sleeping on the sofa with Irish so I can get up quickly.

   (Healthy Lucky)

    I don’t’ know if you remember Lucky – she’s one of the little Irish Dexters I got from Pixie Forest Farms. She’s red like Gnatalie, Petite’s daughter and Gnatalie’s cousin. She’s a sweetie with a curly hairdo. Somehow last winter she injured her leg. I had the vet out last spring, but and he couldn’t find anything wrong with her that can be fixed. He told me to try putting her in the barn. Isolating her so she could get better, but she became insane and broke out of the barn. She doesn’t like being alone. Then back when Alexis and I were working on the house we built a corral underneath the Kubota barn. I thought maybe she’d be ok being outside if the other cows were nearby and she could see them. She broke out of there and limped back down to the pasture. So for the warm summer I left her grazing in with Petite and Gnatalie. I locked Abe and Andy out and let them roam the hills. The vet said they could try to mount her and that would be the end, so they contentedly roamed. For a while I thought she was getting better, but she isn’t. In fact, she’s atrophied so much on one side she looks strange. I fear she won’t last the winter. I don’t think she can maneuver through the mud and I can’t imagine what will happen with the snow and the ice. I’m looking for a sign that it’s time to put her down.

 (Lucky just balancing. She doesn't walk much at all anymore)

    Strangely, Henry, Tom and I are actually getting used the idea of butchering her if she does need to be put down. At this point after so many discussions, we feel throwing her away would be a sin, especially in these economic times. This has led me to think of Maryruth often. I don’t think I’m where she is, I don’t think I could just butcher Lucky to eat her, but I think if I have to put her down, I think I’ll be ok with it. What the heck is happening to me? Am I really a farm girl or what? The whole thing makes me want to crawl in a hole and go for a pedicure. If it weren’t for the money.

   (Henry - the other guy)

    On a different note, Henry got in a fight after school with a bully. I was extremely proud of him as he was protecting his friend, Dylan. I guess as usual it was over some girl. The bully thought Dylan had said something derogatory. He and Henry had been trying to avoid the kid during the day, but persistence paid off for the bully and he finally cornered them on the Village Green in Fairhaven. ( It sounds so Boston Massacre) Anyway, Henry said something right out some Clint Eastwood movie like "You'll have to go through me, first..." and the bully took him at his word disabling our hero with a blow to the neck. The bully was no stranger to street fighting. Henry on the other hand brought a knife to a gun fight.  He had a perforated eardrum, a black eye, a chipped tooth,bruised ribs and a shattered ego. A vacationing pediatrician saw the whole thing and gave me the details. Chris was closer, left work and picked up his nephew who was embarrassed he hadn't even really gotten in a good swing.

    He's been prohibited from playing his horn while his ear healed, but in any case he is probably giving up band this year. He’s going to finish his third year, but doesn’t really think it’s his thing. His ear has healed and he is back playing but he has informed me it’s not his dream. "I'm just not another Grandpa Horn..." Frankly, I’m just glad he stuck with it this long and hope maybe he’ll want to pick it up again in the future. I know he has your musical genes but honestly I can just about tell the difference between the piano and drums.

    Henry’s turning into a teenager before my eyes. He’s not as helpful as he once was without my occasional screaming. And you know I can scream when the occasion calls for it. Toby’s going through the same thing with Dean. Dean is doing well in school and has a girlfriend – Her name is Fredleynn (that’s correct - Fred- a – lynn). He took her to the Burbank High Homecoming Dance where they had their first kiss “Right in front of the principal,” according to Dean. However, a real teenage boy Dean has been completely disregarding all rules of the home. He disobeyed Toby and left the house for school at 5:45AM in the dark to go to the park. She went ballistic. He doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend the danger he could be in alone in the park at that time of the morning and she doesn’t know why he would do this. We’re worried about someone taking advantage of him and he of course thinks he can handle anything. One night Toby came home from shooting “90210” and found Dean engrossed in some program with jelly all over the carpet. She said recently her head spins around on a normal basis and she is not exactly sure whether she goes completely Linda Blair. The smart money says she does.

 (Dean and his girlfriend)

     Henry hasn’t gotten that bad, yet - but he gives up on every chore without really trying. I never would have watched Mom do the kind of work he let's me do without helping. I brought the hammer down pretty hard the other day and I am seeing an enormous improvement. Just to make sure I know he's really, really trying to help out, he gives me a running dialogue as he does his 'good deed' Yesterday for instance I heard: “Gee, look there’s a box of my mom’s things that have tipped over. I think I’ll pick them up without being asked and set them somewhere out of the way so the dogs don’t knock it over again…” ETC. He’s a pain, but generally amusing so I still give him dinner.

     Eying him the other morning, as he was pulling clothes of the top of the dryer and getting ready for school I noticed his clothes were way too small and fit like Jethro Bodine. We don’t get the hand-me-downs we used to from Trevor being all the way up here, so I’m going to have to go out and get him some bigger clothes. Otherwise, Quinn will inevitably go on and on about how socially unacceptable Henry is.

     Quinn is actually trying to be helpful in her own teenage way. She is turning out to be a pillar of morality. I guess one of her friends is going down a bad path and she told her she couldn’t be friends with her if she continued doing some of the things she was doing. Quinn’s response when the girls asked her just to accept her and not judge her was, “I can’t be friends with someone I can’t respect.” I have to say I don’t think I would have  had the insight to respond like that at her age.

    When I ask Lisa about her she responds with “You know, Quinn is lovely and I adore watching her play volleyball. I sit in the stands and cheer for my daughter, but the moment she comes over and starts criticizing my hair and clothes and tells me to stop embarrassing her, I remember I have a teenager.”

   (the eggs we learned how to do from Jim Roman - Chris's friend)

    Oddly, we skipped Halloween this year for the most part. Oh, Henry wore a costume to school of course. He said to me one day Winnie the Pooh had an eating disorder, Piglett was OCD, Eyore had clinical depression and Tigger had ADHD - so that was the perfect costume for him. We had planned to do it up, but I just couldn't get it all together. Tom flew in and we went to the Donaldson's and learned to paint Ukrainian eggs. On Halloween we worked as a family on our gingerbread competition. The one at the Bellingham Ferry Terminal. This year we're finally going to enter. Tom’s been working on the mock-up and mechanics.  I’m researching everything from the best gingerbread recipes for construction to icing for cement. Henry's been a baking fool. We’re going to go big! Everything has to be ready for Thanksgiving weekend when we'll assemble.

 (Lovely Lauren, Quirky Quinn, Lizzy and our little Lindsey)

 (Henry as T-i-doubleg-ger)

(Phoebe in the black widow) costume Lisa made for her)

    Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and I’m having a houseful. Toby and Dean are coming so is Laura Miller, Ayumi (Henry/Quinn and Phoebe’s babysitter) and her daughter, Awesomez and Lindsey, Alexis of course Team Donaldson and Nana – and maybe Mike. You’re probably wondering about Mike. That would make two of us. He has completely dropped off the face of the planet. I have not spoken to him since September. I got one email confirming he’s not dead. He doesn’t call back he doesn’t write. I know money’s been tough and work has been hard. He hurt his back, which forced him to walk awkwardly causing his knee to act up. I don’t know much more than that. We’re all worried and have no idea what he’s doing or whether he’ll show up to Thanksgiving or not. 

     To answer the question I know is on your mind – NO, I’m not working at the Everybody’s Store, but I did apply for quite a few positions on including an assistant director at a daycare, a cleaning woman and a cake decorator. The assistant director position pays less than the cleaning position. I sent pictures of my Easter cookies and Phoebe’s birthday cake for the bakery job. Surprisingly, I got called back for interviews on all three so who knows what’s going to happen. Lisa is concerned about me getting the cake decorator job before we enter the gingerbread contest. She says if I get it we might have to switch to professional category. I told the woman I’ve never ever decorated cakes professionally, but she seemed to like my samples so I’m excited.

(Thankfully the other woman does the baking - and Lisa shouldn't worry professional-shesmesional - I still burn all my cookies - timer or not)

     Stay tuned, you never know what’s going to happen next. . .we’re not sure if Midge is expecting piglets.

   (is Midge craving pickles?)

    Adieu pour maintenant, je vous aime,

 

    Denise

    p.s. Although Vivian is limping from the osteosarcoma, her quality of life is much better than I expected. I don't know how long she'll last, but she's older than Josephine or Gladys. In fact, she will be ten February 1st (and Luther 11 Irish twins) and I am grateful she is doing so well - here's a peek

 

p.p.s. At least the Lakers are winning.

September 7th Love Never Dies

 (Henry and Lindsey -off to the first day- Princess Lindsey is not a morning person.)

     The long-awaited first day of school started out kind of drizzly. Henry couldn’t find his new blue Quicksilver™ shirt or his contacts. Lindsey complained about  her hair frizzing up.Everyone was tired.  It being the first day and all Awesomez and I both went along for the ride. 

 (Lindsey feeling a little bit better about her hair and anxious for the first day of high school)

    The drive went smoothly and by the time Awesomez and I got home, the sun was shinning. She went in to have some eggs while I stood on the porch with Irish. I closed my eyes and listened. I could hear the sound of cows munching on grass in the pasture. I could actually hear their teeth grinding the grass. The methodical chewing was hypnotizing so I just stood there with the sun on my face listening as Irish bat my leg with his shaggy tail. One of my best friends was having emergency heart surgery because of rip in the first layer of her aorta. As I watched and listened to the animals peacefully in the yard grazing, wandering and snorting I felt calm and full of hope. 

 (Lloyd hanging with the boys)
 

    During the day, I puttered around doing things that needed to be done to keep Henry’s Sweet Miracle Honey moving forward. We’d gotten our first online orders and I had to pack some boxes and get them out after school and before gymnastics. I waited for word about the surgery, but no call came.

    I opened a letter that began, “We love your clip!” It was from Kevin Macdonald about some film I shot, “summerday” being accepted for consideration in the movie “Life In A Day”, a Ridley Scott film. Ridley Scott and Kevin Macdonald are you kidding me? The only thing better would be if it was Caleb Deschanel but then again I’m biased. I was so excited I couldn’t believe it. Norton, Midge, Franklin and Lloyd could be at Sundance? Enclosed were releases and instructions on how and where to send the film. Thrilled beyond words I decided to send it immediately. Don’t put off ‘til tomorrow and all of that. Pulling up the rough cut I couldn’t believe my eyes. The footage wasn’t there. Gone. “source code missing” Frantically, I began searching the entire computer. Looking for hours until I finally realized it had been “replaced” due to a problem I had encountered when I putting together Henry’s 2nd Sweet Miracle Honey infomercial. Deflated, despondent and still worried about the surgery, I ate a multi-grain pancake to settle down. I was slurping down some coffee when I heard the geese go crazy just outside the front door. I have coyote hysteria so I slammed my “farm girl” cup on the stone counter and went running outside just in time to see the three remaining girls: Mabel, Linda and LuAnn coming around the porch from the garden to join Lloyd and Cleveland who were standing in front of the living room windows on the hill overlooking the pasture. I breathed a sigh. They were only playing their version of Marco Polo.

"Summerday" reprise

    The rest of day had slipped away and I unbelievably was already behind my own schedule on the first day of school. I had several errands to run before picking up the kids and as I glanced at the clock I wondered if I’d have enough time. Hurriedly, I packed up the car with Henry’s second lunch, a snack and his first dinner. Plus a peanut butter and Nutella™ sandwich for Lindsey, the honey, addresses, shipping labels etc as well as everything else I might need for the next seven hours or so. “Lisa, will you put the barn animals away?” 

    “I guess so, sure.” She called from upstairs.

    “If you don’t it’s ok, I just am worried it’s getting darker earlier”.

    “No I think I can do it.” Awesomez assured me.

    I checked my messages again. No word.

    In a rush I pulled the car back careful not to hit the geese who were all standing on the driveway blocking my van. I always worry since the time I ran Lloyd over accidently. That was a harrowing experience and I remain grateful he’s got such a forgiving body and limber neck. I honked for the geese to move their tail feathers and Lloyd accommodated me by waddling up toward the house.

 (Rat-bat - aka Bruno, far left Lloyd, Linda, Mabel, LuAnn and Cleveland)
 

    Collecting the kids from their various schools I explained,, “Look, I feel I should warn you before I snap. I am very fragile today so don’t mess with me. I’m waiting for word on my friend's surgery and I’m worried. Really worried. She means the world to me."

    “She’s going to be OK mom with as many “Hail Marys as you’ve been saying,” Henry reassured me. 

    “When you say a prayer, you don’t always get the answer You want,” I pointed out. Moments later, he and Lindsey were taking their mid-afternoon naps and I was alone again with my thoughts.

 (Henry sound asleep)

 (It seems the first day was harder than Henry thought- he's a little like my friend, Franz - who also can sleep ANYWHERE)
  

    Dropping Henry at gymnastics Lindsey and I headed over to see our friend Aaron at the FedEx. We chatted about how his 3 month-old, Owen Thomas was doing and how Ray, the Mayor of Bubble Blvd. still thought Tom was married to Awesomez. 

    “That’s Ray,” Aaron snickered to himself as he calculated the cost of each package. Eager to ship my first parcel I stood with Lindsey carefully filling in our customer’s name and addresses on the carbon forms. We about fell over when Aaron called across the store that “Instead of $9.00 for shipping it’s going to cost $75.00 to send the honey to Alaska”.

    "75.00 - that blows my mind!" Lindsey yelped.

    “Um we’re going to have to rethink this,” I said and Aaron nodded in agreement. We rushed off and made it to the bank just after they closed. Perfect.

    On the way home, the skies opened up and it began to feel like the Pacific Northwest again. I checked my messages about 18 more times and left 3 messages before we got home.

    The barn was closed which meant Awesomez had done her job. I was impressed. We walked in the house and I looked to see if there were any messages about the surgery. There was. “I just wanted to let you know I just found out the surgery went well. The stint is in and working.” Relief swept over me like a wave.

    “Hello?” Awesomez called as she made her way down the stairs.

    “We’re in the kitchen,” Lindsey hollered.

    “Where’s Henry?” She asked emphatically.

    “Why?” I asked. “Henry! Henry! Henry!” I yelled.

    “What?” came a muffled reply.

    “Where are you?”

    “Um Mom, I’m in the bathroom.” I looked over at Awesomez and raised my eyebrows.

    "He's in the bathroom."

    "With his computer," Lindsey added snidely.

    "I need to talk to EVERYONE together," Awesomez said in a somber tone.

    “Hurry up!” I called to Henry.

    “Hurry up?”

    “Yes! Hurry!”

    “I don’t know how to hurry,” he cried out.

    “Just hurry!” 

    “Mom! Really?”

    “Really!”

    “Oh my gosh Mom,” Henry said incredulously.

    “Forget him,” I said. “What is it?”

    “I want to talk to you. All of you.” She looked around nervously. I noticed for the first time there were tears in her eyes. Just then the phone rang. Lindsey, always at the ready grabbed it on the first ring.

    “Oh, hello Lisa,” Lindsey responded in her chirpy teenage voice. Almost as the words came out of Lindsey’s mouth, Awesomez who was striding across the floor grabbed the phone out of Lindsey’s hand, and said “hey Lis-,” as she walked out the back door closing it behind her leaving Lindsey and me staring at each other completely confused.

    When Awesomez emerged from the porch I couldn’t help but ask, “Who died? Someone died didn’t they?” She didn’t say a thing. I looked around the room, first for Vivian then Luther. “Where’s Luther?”

    “He’s right here,” Lindsey confirmed.

    “And finally Rat-bat?” Henry pointed to a pile of blankets. I knew Irish was on the porch. By this time Henry had joined us in the family room.

    There are moments in your life when you can just feel everything is going to change. This was one of those moments. 

    Awesomez took a deep breath “Just tell us,” I said quietly. She nodded and began.

    “I went out to put the barn animals away around oh I’d say about 6:00, right after I ate. I didn’t want to wait for dark because I knew it would take me awhile and I knew too they might be uncomfortable with me since they don’t really know me. Well, when I went outside I saw the geese by the barbecue and Lloyd wasn’t there.”

    “What?” I asked.

    “Lloyd! Not Lloyd!” Henry said distraught.

    “Oh my gosh, Momma are you sure? Do you know which one he is?” Lindsey said in disbelief.

    She went on, “Lloyd wasn’t there. He’s the one with the pink band around his leg right?” I closed my eyes. Awesomez hadn't stopped crying since she'd begun to speak. "I didn’t want to tell you this. I know how special he was to you. He wasn’t a goose he was a pet. So I went looking for him. I went down by the apple trees and the pasture. It was pouring rain. I walked out by the creek and the pond. I didn’t find anything.”

    “Not feathers? Or a body,” I asked as stoically as I could muster. I didn’t’ want to fall apart. I knew how hard this must be for her to tell me. After all I’ve delivered enough bad news in my time.

    “No, nothing. I must have looked for more than forty-five minutes. I figure he must have just been snatched by coyote in broad daylight.”

    “In broad daylight, that’s really bad.” I said the realization bubbling up. I couldn’t believe it. “He was here when I left this afternoon,” I said thinking of his fluffiness. His soft feathers and how he used to nibble at my neck.

    “Are you sure?” She questioned. "Was he here when you left?"

    “I’m sure, he crossed in front of the van. I saw all of them.” I could barely grieve for my friend, Lloyd, because even though he was gone now I had a barn full of animals I had to worry about. The coyote have now gotten three birds. They’re going to keep coming back picking them off one by one. Unless we do something,” I said as tears welled up in my eyes. Was he really gone? I hoped against hope he was just hiding. I thought of the time when he had lured Irish away from the rest of the gaggle. “I’m sure he lured the coyote away from his girls. He sacrificed himself for his family.” 

    “Poor Lloyd,” Lindsey said quietly. "Momma, I can't believe you're crying more than anyone. You don't even like the geese."

    "I know, but Lloyd was a huge personality on the farm. I don't even know the damn goats names still. Of course, I know Norton and Midge and Miracle, but Lloyd was special. He didn't bite, he was always friendly. And I was there when Denise ran over him. I could tell then she loved him. I've been crying since I realized he was gone. I can't stop."

    Funny thing was, I didn’t cry, nor did Henry. This surprised Awesomez who hugged me. “I didn’t want to have to tell you this. I didn’t want to call you and have you have to drive home knowing. I know how much you loved him. I really looked everywhere I could think of, but eventually I knew I had to put the rest of the barn away.” 

    Henry just sat there saying nothing. “You’re in shock,” she said softly. Henry replied,

    “I’ve experienced a lot of death” and just continued to sit there emotionless.  The room seemed to close in on me. I moved into the mudroom grabbed a jacket off a hook and stuffed my arms through the sleeves. It wasn’t until I was almost to the barn door that I realized I had a phone in my pocket and called Tom.

    “Lloyd, my sweet Lloyd was taken by coyote.”

    “Not Lloyd,” he gasped.

    “I know it’s silly to love a goose this way. He was just a dumb bird, but I really, really am so sad he’s gone. I can’t believe it. I guess that’s why I’m on my way to the barn. He was so soft and full of kisses for me.” 

    “It’s not silly. He’s always been attached to you. He followed you everywhere. He’s always cuddled in your arms, knocked on the door when he wanted you to come outside. He’s always been special.”

    “Maybe he got away,” I hoped. “I mean I know he’s dead, but I can’t help but hope. First Clara and now him. I don't think it's any accident the parents are gone.”

    “And that chicken,” Tom tallied. “I’m really disappointed in Miracle.”

    “Me too, but you know she’s changed. She foundered which means her legs are different. She’s wearing that muzzle which makes her more vulnerable. She’s outside at night fending off predators and not sleeping. And she has a huge amount of land to cover. She can’t do it all.”

    “I guess,” he conceded reluctantly. “We’ve just never lost animals like this before.”

    “I know. Things have changed. It’s the end of Camelot. I feel like the coyote are a blood-thirsty gang bringing a reign of terror over the farm. It may sound dramatic, but I mean it. I can’t let anyone out, of the barn. Frank might be next. The coyotes know they can get a meal here and it’ll be like we’re running a lunch buffet.”

    “You’re right. They’ll start with the birds, but that won’t feed a pack for long and the goats are just as vulnerable,’ he reminded me. 

    “I know.” I said putting my hand on the door to the barn. I didn’t want to go inside, but I had to. “I’ll call you later, I have to go in the barn now,” I practically whispered as I stepped inside.

    The barn was dark. Running my fingers along the weathered plywood wall I flipped on light after light. Tonight darkness was not my friend. Peering in the first pen I saw Frank and Silence huddled together. They were safe. The ducks were resting in a cluster. Safe. I took a double take. 1-2-3-4-5. One was missing. Looking up I saw some chickens fluttering about in the rafters.

 (Franklin and Silence in their pen)

 (the ducks with some rogue chickens)
 
     Finally, I walked over to the goat and sheep pen where the remaining geese were. Sitting in pairs Christina & Rachel and Riley & Alexander looked up at me wide-eyed. The sheep looked like glowing cotton balls in the far corner of the enclosure. I made myself look over at the geese. There was only one white goose now. I choked back a sob. Mabel, Cleveland, Linda, and LuAnn started honking at me. Cleveland stood up tall the way Lloyd always did. Tears started dripping. I hoped for a moment Awesomez had been wrong and that it was Lloyd in the pen. Fumbling with the chain to the pen I undid it and went in. Sitting on the ground I looked and my heart fell. It was Cleveland. 

I missed my friend. I missed the way he looked at me - he touched my heart that silly goose.  I knew the barn wouldn't ever feel the same. I had thought he'd be around for so many years to come. I felt I'd let him down somehow. Selfishly, I was so relieved I'd followed my instincts and asked Awesomez to put the barn away before dark. If I hadn't and I'd come home I'd have always wondered if I could have prevented it.  I knew I had to push past the loss. Lloyd had died to save his family and I needed to protect them now. All of the animals were depending on me. What I needed was a fence. Good I thought, now at least I had a plan. I would build a fence and protect my charges. A plan makes you feel in control. I needed to feel in control, especially as I heard the yips of the pack somewhere in the hills.

 (And then there were four)
 

    I locked up the barn and called Tom, “ There's a duck missing too. I think I know what we can do. We need a fence. If we had a fence down to the pasture then Miracle and Edward could be made to stay up close again and protect the remaining animals.”

    “True.” I could hear him thinking it through.

    “I’m sure Alexis would help me if I can get the wood,” I said confidently. “Now I just have to figure out how to get the wood.”

    I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking I heard Lloyd outside. I wondered if maybe he’d gotten away and was hiding. My sister said, “Maybe like in so many other sayings, there’s truth in ‘wild goose chase’ and maybe just maybe he got away.”

    The coyotes hooted and yipped and terrorized the pasture all night. Determined not to lose any more animals tonight, Irish and I hopped in the van with a flashlight and patrolled the pasture. I was worried about Lucky sitting lame in the field so vulnerable.Miracle was apparently on sabbatical.  With Irish to keep me warm and completely exhausted, I fell asleep on the sofa around 3:00AM.

    Awesomez woke me with sad eyes and cup of hot coffee. This was a new day. I looked outside by the barn doors - just in case. But sometimes prayers aren't answered the way you want.

August 30th Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

    Having the immune system of an elementary school teacher is a little like being the veteran of germ warfare. I rarely get sick. In fact, when I do get sick, I generally end up in the hospital because it takes a world-class germ to take me down.  

    So today, when my stomach started to tighten, and I felt weak in Target, Henry was shocked. We made a radical decision not to go to gymnastics and instead stopped off at my sister’s so I could rest on the sofa. Phoebe brought me tea and Quinn covered me with a blanket.

    Eventually, I felt better and we drove home. I rested some more, sipped some tea and chatted with Toby on the phone about Dean and the troubles at Burbank High. “I’ve got to go and put the barn animals away,” I said ruefully.

    “Can’t someone else do it for you just this once?” Toby asked incredulously.

    “Well, someone else did yesterday and the door to the sheep pen where the geese have been staying wasn’t closed all the way. It was open enough for a coyote to slip in and massacre the barn. I could let them do it, and they would, but I wouldn’t sleep all night and I’d end up going out there in the end anyway, and we’ve been having a lot of coyote lately,” I explained. "I worry enough about the little cows in the pasture. Miracle and Edward look like Equine Zombies. They sleep all day I guess because there are is so much predator activity lately."

    “I get it, well you go before it gets too dark”. 

    Lindsey and I slipped on shoes and jackets,  considered a flashlight, but decided against. When we opened the backdoor, Vivian, Luther, Tasia, Angel and Rat-Bat came tumbling out with us. Irish was as usual banished to the backyard – still nursing a bum knee.

    “Can they come with us?” Lindsey asked. “Angel loves the barn,” she chirped.

    “Sure why not?” I said as hovelled along. I was not in a mood to make many decisions. I was just getting through this, as my stomach aching to the point that my forehead was dewy.

    First as ever, we put the chickens away. “One’s missing. We only have six Dominiques,” Lindsey reported.

    “Are we missing a hen or a rooster?” 

    “A rooster.”

    I worked on making a barricade for the broken door stacking up wood and a wheel barrel. We called the pigs in and changed the water in the turkey bucket. “What are those dogs barking at?” I called as I shut the duck pen.

    “Nothing. Angel is just barking at Irish,” Lindsey answered. 

    Together we put the geese in the pen they’ve been sharing with the sheep and goats since the ducklings were hatched. “Uh, Denise you know we’re missing a girl,” Lindsey noted.

    “Maybe she’s sitting on a nest somewhere,” I said hopefully. We'd never lost an animal to a predator other than a dog, that is until now.

    “Are you still going to sell three of them?”

    “I can’t decide. I know they’re safer in a bigger gaggle. Together they walk to the pond and if there are only three I wonder if Lloyd will become aggressive. I’d hate that.” 

    “Me too.”

    I went just outside the big barn doors by the hose and was about to fill up the duck water bucket when the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The dogs were gone and I could hear the terrifying yips, barks and howls of a coyote pack. The sound was so close they had to be just beyond the stand of trees behind the barn. Frantically, I began looking around and calling, “Bruno! Vivian? Angel! Luther? Bruno! Tasia!”  I didn’t see a dog in sight. They were all gone. “Bruno!!” I screamed knowing he would be the first to go. And to my surprise he came bounding into sight on the crest of the hill. “C’mon boy! Come here!” And again to my surprise he did. 

    By this time Lindsey was by my side terrified her eyes wide. “Grab him Linds,” I commanded. 

    Obediently, she leaned over and began grasping for his collar, “I’m trying! He keeps darting away!” She screamed desperately, almost in tears as the coyote yips and howls filled the darkness. “They’re so so close!”

    “They’re right behind those trees over there. Up the hill. I’ve never known them to come so close except when the goats first came. Where’s Miracle? Why isn’t she doing anything?” I wondered if she was up the hill. I didn’t hear her anywhere.

    Lindsey kept trying to get Bruno when we saw Angel come into the light. She hadn’t been up on the hill, but over by the woodpile hiding. “Thank God. That’s two, get them in the house,” I told her as she started for the porch. 

    “C’mon Angel this way,” she begged.

    “Vivian! Luther! Tasia!” I yelled in my most authoritative voice racing up the hill toward the beehives knowing lives depended on it. There was no way I was going to let my dogs be torn to shreds by a pack of coyote. 

    Vivian would normally be a formidable opponent, but the bone cancer has weakened her and made her vulnerable. “Not like this!” I screamed and kept running up the hill forgetting my pain. Just then, I saw her appear out of the darkness of the trees. Barely visible except for her brown markings, but I knew it was her. She pounced toward me wild from the shrill yips surrounding us like an evil film score. “Lindsey! Call Vivian!”

    “Vivian! Come here Miss Viv!” She said in a shaky sweet voice. And again, to my surprise Vivian complied. I ran back down as Henry appeared on the porch with his bb gun. 

    “What’s going on?” He yelled. “What are you guys yelling about?”

    “Coyote!” We answered in unison.

    “Help Lindsey get the dogs in! Does anyone see Luther? I don’t think he would have gone up the hill.” 

    “He’s not here,” Henry called back. The yips seemed closer and more frenetic. Time was slipping away. I had no idea where Tasia was or Luther.

    I thought about how coyote hunted. Pack hunters, they’re shrewd. One will usually lure a dog by getting it to chase it into an awaiting pack. Then surrounding the dog, the pack would tear it to shreds. Luther, old, white and not very fast would be an easy target. I grabbed a long beanpole out of the garden and began running up the hill again. I was gong to smack some coyote. Then halfway up again I wondered if I should hop in the van and drive around so I could pick him up and put him in the car if I had to. Then as if in slow motion I saw his velvety ears flopping up and down as he too came out of the forest. Relief came over me like a wave. “You’re alive! Come here you dumb basset hound! Don’t you know you’re an easy snack?” Turning I yelled, “I’ve got Lu! Call him. Does anyone see Tasia?”

    “NO! We can’t find Tasia anywhere! Denise, she’s old,” Lindsey called tearfully. “Do you think she’s up there?” I did think she was up there. 

    Once again I went toward the van, but hearing the unyielding yips and calls from the pack I grabbed the beanpole once again and went charging up the hill. 

    “What is going on out there?” Awesomez called from the attic.

    “Coyote right behind the barn!” I called back. “They’re only about a hundred feet away in the trees!” Even as I was yelling I could hear the relentless yipping of a frenzied pack.

    “Where are you going?” Lindsey screamed.

    “To get Tasia!”

    “I’m coming with you!” Lindsey called behind me. 

    “Then grab a beanpole so you have a weapon!” And to my surprise, she did. Lindsey, the princess who screams at the mere sight of a dragonfly getting too close. The Lindsey, who is upset by the very existence of goosepoop. The Lindsey, who is terrified by bees. This Lindsey had grabbed a beanpole and was right behind me headed into the darkness filled by a pack of at least six coyote. We were just approaching the beehives when we heard Awesomez call out.

    “Tasia is here! She was by the back door! She’s here! She’s here!” “That’s great!” We slowed down and stopped our beanpoles dragging on the ground as we walked back down the hill. It was then that I realized, “Well, my stomach doesn’t hurt”.

    Henry like the cavalry reappeared with his bb gun and began shooting warning shots up in the air to try and scare the coyote pack. I was skeptical. The shots weren’t loud, but to my surprise, they worked. It was quiet for the first time.

    

    

August 23rd A Fair To Remember

 (the garden gate)
 

    Summer days turned into summer nights in a blur with out one minute of lolling around. From the moment Awesomez unloaded her last non-stick saucepan and corresponding spatula from her U-Haul we did nothing else but get eat, breath and get ready for the Northwest Washington State Fair. 

 (A Washington summer sunset - about 10:15PM)
 

    Months earlier I had naively decided, with encouragement from everyone in the family, to get a booth at the fair and debut Henry’s Sweet Miracle Honey. 

    The booth space itself cost $620.00 and then of course you had to still pay for entrance and parking – for everyone who worked your booth. There was an additional $80.00 Health Department permit to give out samples and I needed another certificate for another $10.00 to actually serve the samples. This is in conjunction with yet another permit for $110.00 from the Department of Agriculture. Naturally, The Fair required that everything look “professional” so we were going to have to have a banner made.  And per The Fair contract our product must be displayed in a pleasing manner. I began researching booth designs and came up with an idea. 

 (my booth design - OK so I'm not Tom, but you can kind of get the idea - the top is the banner, the bottom is a tablecloth - the things hanging will be bee facts)
 

    I took a picture of the barn from the porch and had it made into an 8 foot by 10-foot backdrop so our booth would feel like home. Of course, there were tables to get from Costco and the health department required an elaborate hand washing station. I had to purchase a 5-gallon thermos and have the push button spigot replaced by a continuous flow spout. It should be noted that you can’t simply purchase a thermos with continuous flow spigot. They don’t exist. So I had to take it to Hardware Sales where three men worked on replacing the spigot. It did not go well and they had to replace the thermos with another from their inventory before they got it done.

(the picture from the porch for the booth)
 

    Meanwhile back at the farm, Aweseomez and I would wake up, take care of the dogs, cats and barn animal then load up the van with buckets of honey, various spices, sets of measuring cups, cases of jars, bags of lids, strainers, scrapers, bucket warmers, a cooler full of snacks, cups of coffee and the still sleepy kid and drive the 29 miles to our kitchen so we could begin our day. 

 (Sick Bay - Tabitha scratched her cornea and Irish has a hot spot)

 (Silence thinks she's a wild turkey)

 (Norton deals with the heat)

 (trying to isolate a perpetually injured "Lucky" - who continues to be lame - and sadly - shows no signs of recovery- AND -yes Maryruth we've thought of hamburger)
 

    Donning aprons and bandannas we’d start jarring up some honey. Awesomez selflessly played Laverne to my Shirley. I had the glamour job as Miller the killer filler – of jars. I’d run the filling station weighing each jar and Henry/Lindsey or Phoebe would wipe each jar down then Awesomez would inspect their work closing it and finally putting it back into the case. Tirelessly she would later put the shrink-wrap safety seals on one by one with a heat gun and label each jar meticulously. “It’s your product, they’ve got to be perfect,” she insisted bleary-eyed.

 (Awesomez and Phoebe work in the kitchen)

 (Smiling like the village idiot - a perfect Shirl- I am testing the honey temp - so it warms up and can be worked with, but doesn't go over 120 degrees)

 (A happy Laverne- Awesomez goes Gangsta- the girl can clean a kitchen - all that restaurant and perfectionist crud comes in handy)

 (empty 8ounce jars washed and  ready to be filled -requisite coffee pot in background)

 (Phoebe - before donating her hair- again- this time through Pantene for children who need wigs during chemotherapy)
 

 (filling Phoebe's Fireball)

 (I feel pretty - Henry and Lindsey -clowning around in the kitchen)
 
 
   (The dining room - better known as the warehouse - These boxes are stacked and re-stacked as Awesomez puts them through their stations -labels and safety seals)

 (honey sticks everywhere! - perfect for watching TV- there is to be NO free time)

 (all the Fair stuff-)

 (Awesomez - sleeps on the sofa surrounded by furry friends - you have to hand it to her - she's allergic and asthmatic, but she keeps going!)
 
 
     Exhausted and sticky, over 1600 jars and thousands upon thousands of honey sticks later we ran out of time and honey. 

    The shirts were dyed and Tom had painstakingly put the logo on, the tablecloths ironed and the racks were ready to assemble. The backdrop had arrived despite the first one being ruined in transit making a reprinting necessary. Luckily, we’d allowed enough time. Although, Henry did manage to shoot not one but two infomercials(click on the links and you can view them) on how to use Grumpy Grandpa (cayenne & garlic) and Phoebe’s Fireball (chipotle & cinnamon) in our kitchen not everything got done. We’d planned on having a lovely basket to raffle off and a digital photo frame with pictures from the farm, but both of those projects with a few others sat half finished on the dining room table.

 (Henry, Chris and "Pops" - Rory Donaldson - Chris's dad - waiting to watch "Hairspray"- Awesomez is in the row behind)

 (New do and looking all grown up-Phoebe was in a version of "Hairspray" for summer camp)

    The fair started on a Monday so Tom flew in on Friday night to be here for the set up. It seemed simple, but as “nubies” it took us almost three days to get it all together. Nothing quite went the way we’d expected it to go. In the sweltering heat, Tom started putting up the banner. Before we knew much about booths Tom had created a fabulous six-foot banner.  Unfortunately the booth width was 10 feet. Tom went to work rigging the banner; he got PVC and sprayed it orange. He made it one way then another, he tied it back to keep it from blowing in the wind, but in the end, he was never quite happy with it.

 (Awesomez in THE booth)
 

 (Mike, Henry and Tom start the set-up - putting my backdrop in place)

 (The racks are up and the honey arrives - with Awesomez)

 (Lindsey is hot)

 (Mike and Henry string lights)

 (Lindsey helps string lights)

 (The banner begins- Tom and Mike begin what will be a long process)

 (a motley crew - in the scorching Washington sun? Denise, mbs- Awesomez - all of our honey - Henry and Lindsey Rose)
 

 (Denise putting it all together)

 (the bee facts Tom cut into flowers)
 

 (Tom hangs the bee facts while Mike supervises)
 
 

 (The product is in place- www.henryssweetmiraclehoney.com)

 (tired and taking a break in the shade - Pea and me)
 

 (The hand washing station)

 (Tom taking a quick nap on a Home Depot run)
 

 (The booth with Henry and Tom is ready to go- bee facts in place, product -)

 (And here it is again - pretty close huh? I love it when a plan comes together)
 

    On the first day of the fair we got there early. Everything was just about ready. We simply had to fill the hand-washing thermos and put the various flavors and jars of honey out on the shelves, stuff the different honey sticks in their containers and we’d be ready for business. The thermos leaked everywhere, but there was nothing we could do. No amount of tightening helped. The thing leaked like a sieve. Naturally, it was the one thing we hadn’t tested. And we had no silicone or anything else to fix it – so moving on, we left a bit of water in the bottom and spirits high - turned on the calculator. Henry’s Sweet Miracle Honey was open for business.

    The 100th anniversary of the Northwest Washington Fair opened promptly at 9:00AM. The attendance on the first day was usually 35,000, but the first day of the anniversary on a blazing hot sunny morning it was supposed to break records. Tasting spoons in hand we were ready for action.

    Awesomez did her best “Do you want to try something different?” (while I shoved a tasting spoon at them) Unfortunately, many people did not want to taste something different. They only wanted plain old honey.

    “Maybe I should ask them if they’d like to try the same boring old thing?” Awesomez lamented. Despite our best efforts by 3:00 we’d sold just three jars. However, we had sown the seeds for later and in the evening many people did come back and purchase.

    By the third day, although sales were still slower than we’d hoped, we had made some significant changes and learned a lot. Tom put up quotes we heard from tasters and we took down the cumbersome TV playing the infomercials. I had really thought the infomercials would draw some sort of attention, but that turned out not to be the case at all.  We moved some tables and changed our approach. And things started to click. We all beamed when we found out one of our previous purchasers had made stopping at our booth her facebook status. We'd made it to facebook!

    Not everyone at the fair is friendly. One woman, the wife of a beekeeper, walked over and reluctantly agreed to taste our recipe. She told us we couldn’t possibly have anything new – her husband had bees. Then she told us about her recipe for a raspberry preserve she made with a combination of honey and sugar before she tasted The Grumpy Grandpa Blend. When she put the spoon in her mouth her face changed. She quickly took out her spoon threw it down on the table and viciously screamed at us in front of a crowd of people, “You’ve ruined honey! Ruined it!” Turning she stomped away muttering, “that was disgusting,”.

    I stood there wanting to cry but not wanting to cry. We’d worked so hard, I was so tired and hot and disappointed and felt beaten down. Tom took over and moved on to the next customer while I stood dazed. Awesomez on the other hand, my big sister, chased the woman’s husband down and gave him shall we say - a stern talking to. The news of her encounter brightened the spirits of all of us.

    “It’s funny how one nasty person overshadows ten wonderful people,” my sister noted as she called in for fair updates from the vet clinic.

    The Fair it must be said was not all business. Clearly it was funnel cakes with powdered sugar, bbq sandwiches, and an amazing hypnotist named Tammy Harris Barton. The kids and Awesomez insisted I go to the show to get away from the booth for a while. I was resistant as I wasn’t much a believer in hypnotism. But Tammy made a believer out of me and almost all the crew at Henry’s Honey- except for Mike who had obstinately refused to attend the show.

 (Tammy Harris Barton- if you need some fun family entertainment - hire Tammy - you will not be disapointed)

     Tammy had a show twice a day everyday of the fair; so twice a day everyday of the fair, Henry would get hypnotized. At first when I heard about Henry I thought he was faking, but after seeing for myself I know he was not faking. A drooling mess he would plop over in a crowd going deeper every time. We now own three CDs of Henry and Lindsey falling under Tammy’s spell if only you could see Henry pretending to be a Pussycat Doll or Lindsey despite her best attempts to the contrary - jumping up and cheerleading every single time she heard Tammy say the word “Sports”.

    The kooky friends we made and endless laughs we had were unexpected. There was sardonic Aaron our new FEDEX guy – who was moonlighting working at a booth. He was our corner neighbor. Ross who disappeared regularly leaving Aaron to come over and man his booth was on the other corner. His booth was boy Nirvana. He had remote controlled helicopters and assorted gadgets which captured Henry’s attention all week. 
 (Mike poised for giving samples)

 (Chris working it)
 

    Gruff and seasoned Ray, the Mayor of our little community, with sports memorabilia was a former bounty hunter. He was for some reason certain Tom and Awesomez were married and wondered why Tom kept flirting with me. Across the way were our new chiropractor friends Kelly and his wife Erika and then there was our friend with the velvet paintings and Sabrina’s family with urban chicken coops. Our little corridor of booths was dubbed Bubble Blvd for all the bubbles “Bean” (short for Sabrina) flooded the area with – working under cover for Ross who was selling bubble guns. Ahh the life of a carny – or as Aaron says “Fairy, Denise, you are a fairy! Carny's work the midway”. I stand corrected.

 (Our happy crew - on the way to the fair in the morning Henry, Phoebe barely awake and Lindsey passed out)
 

    In the end, although we didn’t make our original goals I do think we had a successful fair. We gave out a lot of tastes and raised our brand awareness ten fold. Awesomez thought I was a wet blanket. She is the Henry’s Honey Cheerleader. “Are you kidding me? You have an amazing product and you simply have to believe! C’mon Mil snap out of it! You’re going to be a honey mogul! You HAVE TO BEE-LIEVE!”

    Although, I have my momentary doubts, I know she’s right. I do have to believe and Henry was asked to do an interview for the Bellingham Herald and those who liked either Phoebe’s Fireball or Grumpy Grandpa – loved it. 

    The fair was a great learning ground. We found that purists were not our target. They’d rather have plain honey and that’s that. Of course, we do have plain yummy honey, but that’s not our real niche. Moderate honey lovers – or people who don’t really like honey those are the ones that are open. They are the ones that like the idea of helping the bees and eating a natural honey product, but don’t’ cook with it and buy it in 5 gallon containers.  These were the people who thought we should send it to Oprah and wished us well. 

    Next, year I would do it differently and find a way to camp nearby. The drive back and forth was the proverbial last straw. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired in my life. I was more exhausted than sorority rush, or after nights of endless “foo-fing colored tissue” for Homecoming floats in college. I was more depleted than when I used to pull writing all-nighters or when Henry was sick as an infant. I suppose it was cumulative I hadn’t stopped in since we began the renovations. “Denise you simply don’t get enough sleep,” my sister said during a quick walk through the swine barn. “You should look at the brain research on sleep deprivation.” She insisted.

    “Only since April,” I protested.

    “Denise, you do realize that’s almost five months? Do you know how ridiculous you sound?”

 (I am so tired, Tom left me while he went to the ATM near our parking space and I fell asleep waiting for him - this is at 9:00AM on the 5th day)
 

On the last night after Chris, Mike, Tom and I took the booth down,

 (Henry is so tired he fell asleep on the rack-- There's a Catholic joke in there somewhere)

 (And we're out of here - it being only 1:30AM)

 (The ferris wheel just shutting down)
 
 
  I drove home with Lindsey in Awesomez’ car. She’d left a few days earlier for her high school reunion. Tom and Henry were in the van while Lindsey and I were driving behind them when I realized I simply couldn’t make it home. I could hear my sister’s words echoing in my head and I pulled over to sleep. We were already on Mosquito Lake Road, but still I couldn’t make the last five miles. I saw Tom’s taillights slip around a turn and out of view. I knew Tom would be worried, and I knew I couldn’t call him because we’d already lost cell service, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to veer off the road and end up in a ditch. I woke up to the rain tapping the windshield. I had no idea how long I’d been asleep but I pulled onto the road and slowly inched the last bit home. Tom was standing by the gate waiting for us.

February 21st Olympic Odyssey

 (Lindsey)

     Lindsey had a whole week off of school for mid-winter break and since her mother would be teaching skiing lessons at Mammoth all week she begged Awesomez to let her come to the farm.

     “Do you really think you’re up for another one of my children?” Awesomez asked me over the phone.

     “Is that some sort of warning?” I asked. “Actually, I just hope Lindsey isn’t bored. I don’t have anything big planned,” I explained.

     I went to Seattle with Nick to pick her up while my dad took Henry to gymnastics. Everyone was excited to see her, especially her brother. 

 ("The Big-un" Irish was especially happy to see Lindsey)
  (Lindsey snuggles The Big Boy - Irish)
 

During the days Lindsey helped me with farm chores and errands, during the afternoons she went to gymnastics with Henry or volleyball with Quinn and saw Nick at night.

     She saw Grandpa Horn teach band, she helped with the judging at one of Henry’s meets and she met all of Quinn’s friends. She did homework, painted and kept me company.

  (Lindsey sets to painting)
 

 (Grandpa Horn talks to the band)

 (Henry and Lindsey listen to Grandpa Horn)

 (Lindsey flips)

 (Lindsey lands)
 

 (Lindsey works with the ring judge)
  (Nick - hanging out)
 
 
     On Saturday while at Henry’s gymnastic meet, Chris turned to me and said, “We were kind of thinking of driving up to Vancouver tomorrow, you game?”

     “You want to go to the games? The tickets were $600.00 the last time we checked,” I said.

     “Well, we’d like to get into something, Lisa’s checking for some last minute deals but really we thought we just go up and soak in some Olympic atmosphere and see what we see,” he offered.

     I thought about it, I’d had plans we were finally going to try and go get Petite, but that could be postponed. Then there was the problem of Nick. He couldn’t seem to follow any of the rules at home or school so he was not going to be allowed to join us. And then I wasn’t sure if Lindsey even had her passport. We couldn’t go without Lindsey. Luckily, Lindsey’s brilliant mother had the foresight to pack her passport. We were good to go.

     The next morning, we met the Donaldson clan at Nugent’s Corner and all piled into their van. Henry had hurriedly painted red U-S-A posters to take with us “just in case”. The paint was still wet so we put them on the dashboard to dry and headed north.

     Crossing into Canada is one of my least favorite things to do, but if we wanted to go to the Olympics, we had no choice. I prepared the kids. “Now remember, these people have not one ounce of humor in their bodies. You don’t kid, joke or in any way say something sarcastic. Don’t get nervous, just speak if you’re spoken to, don’t add any information, just answer the question being asked”. I instructed.

     “And don’t forget your name!” Lisa added.

     “What?” Lindsey questioned.

     “Henry got so nervous once, he forgot his name,” Quinn informed her.

     “It was just enough of a hesitation for the guy to think I’d kidnapped him” I said dryly, giving my child a look.

     We approached the border and took a collective breath. If the kids didn’t believe me before, they did afterward. Lindsey was grilled and questioned until she was close to a nervous wreck. She answered everything calmly as the Canadian border guard checked all the missing child reports.

     “Who makes you breakfast?” He looked at her seriously. I wondered what she was gong to say. I hadn’t really made a real breakfast.

     “She does,” Lindsey said pointing to me.

     “Do you know her name?” He asked seriously.I worried she was going to forget my name.

     “Denise,” Lindsey answered. Whew.

     “Do you have a note from the mother?” He asked me.

     “No. I don’t, but she did provide the passport,” I offered.

     “You see where I’m going with this?” He asked.

     “Yes Sir and I’d be glad you were asking these questions if it was my child,” I said knowing I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but feeling as though I somehow looked guilty.

     “Do you have any proof of your flight?” He asked. And with all the excitement of a contestant on “Let’s Make a Deal.” Lindsey answered

     “Yes! I have my airline ticket!” She searched her pursed and offered him her ticket. He let us pass.

     "That was certainly the golden ticket, it’s what tipped the scales in our favor. Way to go Lindsey,” Chris praised her.

     “You handled that beautifully,” Lisa added, “Denise do you make breakfast?”

    “I know, I was wondering if Cheerios™ and bagels counted,” I smirked.

     “It’s a good thing you warned me,” Lindsey said depleted.

     From there we made our way onto the King’s Highway and set our course.

     “How long until we get there?” Phoebe asked somewhat predictably.

     “I have no idea, Honey. You act as though I’ve been there. We’re just figuring it out as we go,” Chris informed her as the glare of Henry’s USA posters baked in the sunshine reflecting on the windshield.

  (Henry's U S A sign reflecting)
 

    We parked and joined the party that was Vancouver. Walking down the packed streets you could feel the goodwill. We formed a buddy system, I took pictures of the kids in what they were wearing – just in case – and we set up our if-you-get-lost plan.

  (Canada hats)
 

    “Look there’s Italy!” Henry called out.

 (Italy)
 

     “And Russia!” Lindsey yelled as she saw a red jacket walk by.

 

     “I want one of those USA hats,” Phoebe announced.

     “I want a pin,” Lisa said, “I didn’t get one in ’84 when I went to the equestrian events and I really want one this time”.

     “I want tickets to an event,” Henry insisted. “I don’t care what it is, I just want to go to something”. And so did I. So Lisa, Henry, Phoebe and I took up the hunt as Quinn, Lindsey and Chris meandered slowly captivated by the street carnival. Every time I turned around I couldn’t help but count the kids. I felt like I was on a field trip.

 (Bronze-colored street performer)

 (Broadcast booth in Robson Square)

 (Free zip line over the city - 6 hour wait)

 (Zip line launch next to the flag)

 (painted Canadians)

 (a building in Vancouver)

 (flags fly everywhere)

 (the Dutch)

 (Olympic mascot)

 (Lindsey clowns)

 
 
  (Sweden)

 (Nike™)

 (yeah for our team)

 (the private family entrance for competitors relatives - dreams were being dreamed)
 
 
  (Henry, Lindsey, Quinn, and Phoebe)

 (Vancouver 2010)
 
 
  (Everyone has spirit)

 

 (Henry, me, Phoebe, Lisa, Quinn and Chris)
 
 
       “1-2-3-where’s Lindsey?” I asked.

         “I’m right here,” she said practically under my arm.

         Not knowing where we were going, we followed the crowd across Vancouver in a hurried pace. We didn’t know where but we knew we had to get there soon if we wanted tickets. Henry approached every scalper he passed, but they were mostly buying not selling.

     “Your mother would be crying by now,” I told Lindsey as she caught up.

     “I know, right? She’d still be back at the car. She walks so slowly,” Lindsey said laughing.

     “I’m so happy to hear you use an adverb,” I gushed.

     “You’re such a teacher,” Lindsey smirked as we were in a half jog along the street.

     “Why are we going so fast?” Lindsey asked.

     “’Cause we might miss something.”

 (en route to the ticket office) (Blast we were behind Captain Canada)
 

     Lisa, Phoebe, Henry and I broke into a run, moving ahead of the pack as we approached the Olympic ticket window. I knew my sister and we both were thinking these people walking near us might oust us out of our potential Olympic experience. We got to the line and eventually to the window.

     “Is there anything? Anything within a modest budget?” she asked the ticket agent. “We need seven seats”.

     “Seven? Wow. Let me look”. And she looked and she looked and we waited anxiously. “I have seven seats to women’s curling tonight”.

     “Curling,” Lisa turned to the kids now surrounding us, “Do you guys want to go to curling? Should we spend the money?”

     “Hell Yes!! I’ll go to anything,” Henry yelled. 

    "Henry you gave up swearing for Lent," I reminded him.

    "Is Hell a swear word?"

    "YES!" Lindsey said.

     “I don’t know anything about it, but I’m up for curling,” Quinn agreed.

     “Is that the one where they use the little brooms?” Phoebe asked.

     “Yes, it is, does that sound ok?”

     “Sure it’s the Olympics,” Phoebe agreed.

     “I’m with Henry I’ll go to anything,” Lindsey answered.

     “Heck yeah, whooo! hooo! Curling!!! Let’s do it!” Chris cheered in great zeal. As we stood there basking in our Olympic triumph we noticed a family standing nearby somewhat despondent. They obviously didn’t get any tickets.  Noticing them, Lisa walked up and tried to help.

     “Did you try getting seats for curling?” Lisa asked the woman. As it turned out they were from Orcas Island and no she hadn’t tried curling. So she got back in line and scored 5! Happily, we all struck up a conversation before departing for the curling match? Curling meet? Curling game? Curling event? Or curling tournament? We weren’t sure.

  (proof we are really going)

 (Lisa at the ticket office)
 
     Tickets in hand we were a bit more relaxed and ready to learn about curling. After riding a train packed like a sardine the Canadian equivalent of BART where I counted at every stop, “1-2-3-where’s Lindsey?”

     “I’m right here,” she said.

  (On the train after it thinned)

 (Lindsey and Phoebe walk and walk)

 (pretty Vancouver)
 
  (Lindsey and Henry- ready to order)
 
      We stopped at a Chinese restaurant for dinner where the kids had their own chopstick freestyle event commentated by the Amazing Donaldson. Afterward we set out walking the rest of the distance to the stadium. I was certainly getting all my steps in for Weight Watchers I thought.

     “You won’t believe it, but a cabbie just asked me where the stadium is,” Chris laughed as we all continued walking. We walked and we walked and we walked first down a busy street and then into a residential neighborhood. There nary a sign marking the route. If it hadn’t for the rest of the curling crowd we never would have found it.

 (Quinn, Phoebe, Lindsey and Lisa on the move)
 

 (lots of details)
 

 (security screening)

 (we're in!)

 (The Chinese are ready for curling)
 

    Excitedly we went in and found our seats. “1-2-where’s Henry? He’s not here,” I informed the rest of the confused group.

     “He was with us at the entrance,” Lisa reminded me.

     “He’s supposed to turn his cell phone on if he’s lost,” Quinn reminded me.

     “Do you think he will?” I asked getting mine out and about to push the button.

     “No,” Quinn and Lindsey answered as we all hurried back on a sweep of the grounds. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My father had filled me with too much child stealing information. My mind sorting through similar memories looking for a match as I ran. I remembered another time Henry had disappeared in a public place. It was in Macys when he was two. I was shopping with my friend, Laura, Phoebe’s godmother. We had just turned our heads for a moment and he was GONE. Frantically we looked, and eventually found him hiding in one of the rounders...

February 4th The Surprise

 (Mike's old room -otherwise known as the storage closet- or a really big junk drawer
    

 Henry, Tom and I had been planning for weeks to surprise Nick for his 16^th birthday with a “While You Were Out” makeover of his room. We wanted him to have a place of his own instead of the pink Maryruth room. We thought if we transformed Mike’s old room it might encourage him to try harder and find his way. He had started school with a vengeance, but had slacked off.

    I scoured Craigslist for weeks to find the perfect bed. I looked at round ones, and full ones, loft beds and daybeds. Each had their pros and cons. The round was cool, but took up the whole room. The full wasn’t much better. The loft would keep the floor space clear, but Luther was not a gymnast and Rat-bat wouldn’t jump that far down without braking a leg. Nick likes to sleep with dogs so that wouldn’t do at all. Most of the daybeds were girlie and iron – which can be so annoying when your back pillows fall through the bars. Finally I found a wooden captain’s bed with built in drawers and a pullout trundle. I figured it could be used as a sofa and yet it had the trundle for guests or possibly it would be just a giant dog bed, but I let that go.

  (getting the bed)

 (Annie - Chris's mom- and I went on a road trip to get our bargain)
  

    Henry had taken pictures of graffiti art he thought Nick would like on the walls and Tom was practicing his urban technique so he could put the finishing touches on during his next visit.

 (Henry's inspiration- and Tom's direction)
  

    Phoebe had secretly interviewed Nick about his “dream” room and had gotten our color scheme. Purple and green – I added black.

  (paint ready to go)
 

    I hired a drywall guy to come fix the walls. He had to sneak in after we left in the morning and leave the room closed with stuff stacked in front of it so Nick would get wise. My dad took the gauntlet, priming and painting.

 (drywall in progress)
  

    Henry and I took advantage of the days Nick was with his math tutor at my sister’s house shopping for a TV, a stand and pictures. We opted for a black duvet with circles that screamed graphic-teenage crib. Then we found pillows. Henry campaigned for giant pink and red heart floor pillows “So the Nicky knows we love him.”  Henry would say in his goofy voice

  (the circle sofa comforter)

 (Getting there - 3 walls purple and one green plus the closet interior- dresser to go black)
 

     When Henry was at the gym I went around looking for dressers I could fix and paint. I eventually pounced on an old rickety one that showed promise. It was the right size and with a little black paint and some spiffy knobs it would work.

     Tom laughed. “Black? You want to paint everything black.”

     “Black makes everything better” I informed him. “Would you prefer white?”

     “No.”

    “Red?”

     “No,” he responded again.

     “OK then – black,” I decided. Tom laughed again mentioning the Rolling Stones sang a song about that.”

     I had just picked up purchased the knobs and arrived at the gym to pick up Henry and was chatting with Awesomez about the cool knobs I’d found when the call came.

     “I’ll call you back in a sec.”  I told her as I saw the caller id and clicked over expecting to hear my sister’s voice reminding me to bring eggs to town tomorrow.

     “Uhhh, I’ve got some unfortunate news to tell ya,” Chris said into the phone. Chris hates the phone. I mean hates the phone so much in fact, he will be standing right next to it and listen to it ring over and over never considering picking it up. This I knew instantly was serious.

     “What is it?” I asked. I didn’t think Nick was injured; Chris didn’t have a panic or a fear quality in his voice.

     “I just caught Nick smoking pot in my guest bathroom.” My heart sank. I’d worried about Nick’s apathy, his dismal grades, his indifference. I’d feared he might be resorting to pot, like so many kids but so many times he’d denied it. He’d warned Henry about what a terrible thing it was. He’d seen people who’d gone down the wrong road. He swore he’d never do that. I wanted to believe him.

     “I talked to Nick for awhile but there wasn’t much response. He just nodded.” Chris said flatly.

     “He did it in the guest bathroom? How dumb is that?”

     “I know. The whole area reeks. Oh Lisa’s just walking in.”

     “Have you told her?”

     “No. I’ll tell her what’s going on and you call Gomez. We’ll talk later about what’s next.” The line went dead and I stood there in the middle of the happy chaos of the gym. Kids were laughing, toddlers bobbing around with mom’s trailing behind. I felt quiet. Sad. I didn’t want to call my friend and tell her. This was her baby we were talking about, the little boy who was so good at football and could flash that charming smile.

     When they’re little you stay up all night with them when they’re sick. It only takes a little bit of peek-a-boo or a cardboard box to make them happy. You worry about every tiny thing. You drive them around and pick them up when they fall. When they’re little it sometimes seems that it’s so hard. It’s unimaginable that it’s going to get harder. But then you discover they’re problems grow with them.

     How was I going to tell my friend? She’d seen too much tragedy in her life. She just wanted her family to be happy and healthy and together. She knew the pain of drug use; she’d seen it before. I didn’t want to call her. I thought of Henry stealing the candy bar. I didn’t want to call her. I didn’t want to break her heart.

     “Lis, I’ve got some news.”

 (Irish found one of the heart pillows in the garage - somehow poignant)

 

 

December 7th Tree Topper

 (Edward and Alexander nuzzle)

Like some sort of crazed elf I got my not-so-perfect icicle lights up the day after Thanksgiving. In turn I like to put up the Christmas tree on December 1^st to coincide with the commencement of the advent calendar. This way I can eek out every single moment of the Christmas season, but after last year’s Yuletide adventure, and our recent below freezing temperatures, I didn’t want to go out into the forest if there was even the slightest chance of it getting dark.

Luckily, the boys had early release from school today, which meant we could finally go out and get some Holiday cheer. I informed both of them to be ready to jet home after school so we could have a snack and get out there.

“After some Mac & cheese then can we go?” Nick pleaded.

“We’re starving,” Henry added. Awesomez (pronounced Awesome – EZ) and I agreed since I had a bunch of winter chores like putting a de-icer in the cow trough and moving the goat and sheep water trough to the Kubota barn where I could plug in a de-icer for them while they’re out during the day.

 (Denise, Silence my faithful companion - and a lot of ice)

 (now there's water under the Kubota barn)
  

 (cow trough)
 

 (Bruno proves one man's trash...) 

 (Nick- napping again- taking lessons from a professional- Luther- Bruno also pictured)
 

 (Henry is ready to go get a tree)
 

By the time we got back, Henry was ready to go, but Nick had slipped into a deep, deep sleep on the sofa in the family room.  And as hard as we prodded there was no budging Nick.

We couldn't wait for Nick to get up we'd lose our daylight. Henry fired up the tractor, Awesomez had Irish and I had my limb saw in hand. iWe set out with all the dogs. First we went to the pond to assess the ice. When we arrived we found the geese frolicking in the bit of water that was still liquid. Stopping to watch them for a while, Henry threw rocks out to see how thick the ice was. Surprisingly it was able to withstand some hard throws and some big rocks.

     (an Awesome-ez popsicle)
 

     (Henry lets one fly)
  (getting thick)

 (Possible tree)

 (Irish tied up in his own lead)
 

Worrying about the time, we pushed on going slowly so we could look discriminatingly at different types of conifers We checked out firs, pines, hemlocks and cedars. Rejecting many we finally settled on a possibility. A very tall tree so tall Awesomez was shocked.

“Really? That one? It won’t even fit in your house,” she implored.

“Well, you see if you look at it, you have to cut it. Right there. Otherwise it isn’t very full,” I explained pointing at the tree.

“Where did all the dogs go?” Henry worried. “You never know where Karen is, I’m going to go look for them,” he told us as he hopped off the tractor. We followed reflexively. I didn’t like him alone in the forest. It’s that one time you don’t worry that you should have. So I worry all the time.

“Karen’s the cougar,” I explained and she nodded.

“I remember.”

Henry had run a head and was returning with Vivian, Luther and Bruno by the time we got to the top of the hill.

“What about this one?” Awesome-ez wondered pointing to a really great tree.

“Awwwwe that’s perfect!” Henry exclaimed. “Let’s get this one!”

 (Henry with Luther and Vivian)

 (Henry to the left of the proposed tree)

“Sounds good to me,” I agreed, “It’s close to the path and it should fit pretty well in the bucket. You know, it’s about the right size for the game room as is.” I marveled. “Good eye! Lis Let’s get it down.” I said walking up and putting my saw into action. In just a moment it was down. In another it was in the bucket and we were in theory on our way.

 (taking it down)

 (Almost done)

 (the tree it's mine!)

 (Me - loading the tree while Henry drives)

“I can’t see over the tree.” Henry lamented.

“We can hold a stick up in front of you and you can just guide the tractor toward the stick.” Awesome-ez suggested.

“OK. Let’s do it.” Henry agreed readily. Although in short order it became clear that wasn’t going to work. He just couldn’t maneuver the tractor and see the stick and keep the tree balanced on the bucket. Awesom-ez offered to take over and Henry agreed giving Awesom-ez a quick refresher course about the controls and we were off once again.

 (Awesom-ez and the direction stick)

 (Lisa's got her stick)

 (ready to go now)

 (Henry's got the stick and Irish as Awesom-ez follows with the tree)

Our parade moved slowly down the steep hill and past the spot that spelled disaster for us last year. Thinking back I realized I’d meant to price winches this year. I really had to get on that. It ‘s something you don’t’ think about until you need it like a flashlight, Earthquake water or insurance. The other day my dad’s friend, Chad told me just to get a hand-cranked one, but Tom informed me that despite the increased price he was a staunch supporter of the motorized version. Easy for him to say, I still didn’t have one did I?

 (It's hard to see but the rocks are where the tractor went off the path last year and into the creek which runs under that mossy log)
 

Anyway this year’s tree was going so well it really was too good to be true. Oh I mean I wish there’d been snow for added charm, but the brisk air was plenty of ambiance and now that we’d passed the danger zone it was smooth sailing.

Henry ran ahead with Irish. He didn’t have gloves on and his hands were frozen flesh.

 (Henry runs home with Irish)
 

I hopped on the back of the tractor while Awesome-ez navigated us home. She adeptly got both ends of the tree through the narrow gate without incident. And just when I thought the adventure was over, it began.

“Mil?  Didn’t you say the goats thought the pine branches that blew down during the windstorm were a delicacy?”

“Yeah,” I said casually.

“What if they go after the tree?” She said cautiously.

“Oh, I can’t imagine that,” I said with confidence

“Oh no? Then why are they running over here?” She wasn’t just whistling Dixie. They’d spied the tree and were after us like a band of highway robbers.

 (They can't help themselves the goats begin to ravage the tree)
 

“Quick grab the tree!” She said grabbing one end.

“I’m trying! They’re eating it. I can’t lift it out of the bucket without breaking it.”

“Just grab it!”

“Got it!”

“OK now run like you’ve got the football Mil. Now!” And run we did. She had the front half of the tree and I had the back with four goats running after us trying to eat the top of our new Christmas tree.

“They’re nibbling the top!” I yelled.

“Keep moving!” She yelled back without turning around. “I’ve got to get the gate in a second.”

“Hurry, they’re eating the tree, tearing off branches!” I screamed willing her cold fingers to get the latch.

“Got it! C’mon!” She instructed and I obeyed slamming the gate behind me.

I looked over at her and she was half laughing half panting. “They’re like piranha.” She wheezed.

“I can’t believe they did that. It never occurred to me we were in peril.” I said watching Christina lean over to try and munch on the tip of the tree.

 (Christina is shut down)

 (Awesom-ez securing the tree)
 

 (never give up?)

 (inside at last)

 (Up!)
 
 
 
 
 

December 6th Eddie Rascal

 (Sir Edward and - Miracle - playing the part of Tim's neighbor -Wilson from the show"Home Improvement")
 

My pasture has been entirely too quiet and empty for weeks. Of course, Miracle and Sir Edward have been subleasing the space but it’s not the same. They don’t jingle jangle jingle like Andy or serenade me like Abe and Gnatalie do with their mooo-hooooing

A couple of weeks ago Nick, Henry and I went to Dave’s and tried to get the cows, but to no avail. As we feared the ding dang boys flipped out just like before and Gnatalie had no intention of leaving Peggy. However we didn’t exactly leave empty handed. We got a head of cabbage from Dave’s garden, a jug of fresh cider he'd pressed and we learned a few interesting tid bits. Dave it seems was in the first graduating class at Sehome, where Nick goes to school. And strangely – we found out Dave knows Little Chris Donaldson. In fact, he knows him very well. He dated and lived  for years with Little Chris Donaldson’s mother. Talk about your small world, I couldn't wait to tell my sister.

 (Dave's cabin)

 (Dave in Dave's house)
 (Dave's house- serious county)

 (Nick getting packer pellets)

 (Nick sippin' cider)

That was then, this is now.

Today, together with Dave’s boyhood pal, Eddie, we were going to finally, finally bring the cows home. Eddie has a trailer and is charging Dave and I each fifty bucks for his services He was going to take Dave’s cow Peggy and her calf, Tucker to Dave’s brother’s house to hook up with his bull. In addition,my fifty bucks will get my three bovine from Dave's house to my pasture.

So this morning after a pot of coffee or two, Awesomez, Henry and I drove over to Dave’s to get this round up on the road. Dave had gotten my three in his pipe corral and they were ready to be loaded. Eddie was in the process of backing up the trailer to the entrance of the corral when we drove up.

As I approached pockets full of packer pellets, I could hear Dave yelling in an increasingly frantic tone “Stop! Stop! STOP!! EDDIE!! STOP!” Eddie was not stopping so I ran over to his window and hollered for him to stop. He stopped as his trailer grazed the pipe corral gate.  I’d met Eddie’s type before. I could tell from this little episode what I was up against. It wasn’t a matter of lack of hearing, although I’m sure that's part of it. It’s a matter of being in his own Eddie World. Not caring if he hit the fence or not. He wasn’t even looking for a cue to stop he was just doing his own Eddie thing.

He stepped out of the trailer smiling extremely pleased with his trailer prowess and delighted with his extremely close proximity to the corral.

“Well, let’s load ‘em up!” Eddie instructed as if everyone should snap to attention. The boys and Gnatalie were non-plussed by Eddie’s direction or the trailer. They had no intention of doing anything but eat the hay they’d been bribed with to enter the corral.

 (Gnatalie, Andy and Abe)

“I guess I shouldn’t have fed them,” Dave chided himself.

“We can just move some of the hay into the trailer.” I suggested

“And we brought plenty of packer pellets.” Henry informed him although I’m not sure he fully understood the heroin-like allure the pellets have on the cattle.

We all took up our positions. Henry was to float around and do whatever I needed. Awesomez took the space between one edge of the trailer and  the fence. She was to use her body to block the cows from slipping through this gaping hole. Dave was going to go in the pen with me and Eddie was going to "supervise". I tried luring the boys in with a pellet or two, but Abe nor Andy was ready to work that hard when they had so much premium hay at their disposal. Things didn't go smoothly at first. The cows were obstinate and we were running out of tricks.

“We need a lead rope.” Dave muttered. Without a word I unwrapped my scarf from around my neck and put it around Abe’s neck. He didn't go right away, it took some time, but after some time he let me lead him toward Awesomez I could see the concern on her face. She was to block this fella from going on a hike through the forest. If he got out, we wouldn't get him back today. Nearing her he grazed her with his horns. 

"Are you kidding me? What if he bolts?" She said more to herself than to anyone else. "How did I get here? I'm wrangling cows! The things I do for you Miller!" I thought she might step away at the last moment, but she held her position and he walked in the trailer as nice as you please. Wham! Eddie closed the first compartment behind him and he disappeared.

 (getting these boys going)
 

 (it took some time)
 

 (Abe just before disappearing)

Now for Andy, who didn’t think Abe’s Kris Angel impression was something he wanted to try. Andy had absolutely no intention of following him. So I pulled and prodded and lured and cajoled and begged while Awesomez blocked the escape route again and Henry manned the gate in case I was successful. Eventually, surprisingly, we successful so Dave pulled a rope through the trailer and behind his bum to make him feel penned in. Eddie not taking the time to notice I was standing near the rope pulled it up and tight almost strangling me with it while tying it down. 

 (have fashion accessories will travel)

 (Goldie Hawn's umbrella in "Foul Play" has nothing on my scarf)

 (getting Andy in)

 

 

 (temporarily tying them in)
 

 (Dave and me trying to keep Andy in)
 

Now it was Gnatalie’s turn. The little thing has a will of iron and didn't go quickly. However, she is also love bug and really just wants to be snuggled so she eventually went in too.

The problem facing us now was that the trailer door was open wide. And in order to close it we had to move forward enough to allow the door to squeeze past the corral. A bigger problem than it sounds. In effect, we had to move forward over four feet with three cattle. Two completely unsecured . If the trailer wasn’t so close to the pipe corral we could have simply shut the door.

 A person of sound mind would realize the danger in this maneuver and wait for the person in the trailer to get out. A person concerned about others would move forward slowly and cautiously with regard to animal and human safety. A person with half a brain wouldn't slam on the brakes. The trouble was we had Eddie.

Without warning the trailer lurched forward with a heave. To be fair,  Eddie might have felt he had to gun it because of the weight, but I suspect his truck was accustom to this kind of load. Whatever the reason, the sudden motion was debilitating. Andy stumbled and went down on one side. Gnatalie lurched to the right stapling me against the side of the trailer. As the rig continued forward I bobbed and weaved, bracing myself trying desperately to stay out from underneath a side of beef. I didn’t have time to be scared as Eddie hit the brakes I was so busy trying to keep from becoming a paraplegic. When the movement finally stopped the door slammed shut momentarily closing me in.

 (Henry mans the gate)
 

 (Eddie, Dave the trailer door closed - me and Henry)
  (the sign on the back of the trailer)

 

Emerging unscathed I looked over at Awesomez whose face was racked with fear. She tossed me a knowing look, but seeing I was OK relaxed a bit. I breathed a deep sigh acknowledging how lucky I’d been. "That jerk could have killed you," she muttered under her breath as she gave me a hug. "I can't believe how tough you are. I think Eddie thought you were hot pushing those cows around." I was just glad to be alive.

"I can't believe you've turned into a cow girl! You, Go-Go Gomez, - who would have believed it?"

"I didn't do much, I just blocked giant cows with my body," She said humbly. Although I knew how scary it had been when those cows had come toward her. Courage is doing something you're afraid of in spite of your fear. She had been brave.

"You were Awesome Awesomez!" Henry insisted as we began to walk to the car.

“That’s quite a scarf you’ve got there,” Dave laughed tugging on one end relieving some of my tension.

We said good-bye to a forlorn Peggy and Tucker and followed Eddie back to my house where we unloaded our trio without incident.

 (on the road)

 (Eddie is adept with the trailer)

 (About to unload)

 (the welcoming committee)

 (Pals - Richard and Franklin come for a look)
 

 

 (unloading without any trouble)

 (Home again, home again - jiggity jig)

 (Awesomez, Dave and Richard)

(cookie monsters)  
 
      (Henry brings the tractor)

 (Awesomez, Dave as well as Richard and Franklin)
 
       (Eddie)
 

Henry fetched the tractor so we could put a round bale in Eddie’s trailer for Dave to take home.

It was then that Eddie launched into his “You really from California?”

“Um, yes.” I answered cautiously. There was a familiar smarmy tone to Eddie’s question instantly making me uncomfortable.

“I think you must have gone to Berkley,” he baited.

“Berkley? You think I went to Berkley? Why because I’m so liberal?”  Those were fighting words. Knowing he must be as right wing as they come I didn't want to tell him I’d been a registered Republican, voted for Reagan and Bush senior for fear it might be construed as some sort of GOP aphrodisiac, something akin to listening to Hannity by candlelight. 

“Yup.”

“I did vote for Hilary,” I declared unabashedly hoping to put an end to the flirtatious tone in his voice by playing the staunch feminist Clinton card.

“Now Eddie, I told you not to speak. You always get in trouble when you talk.” Dave cajoled desperately trying to end this conversation.

“Hilary! Now I like that Sarah Palin,” Eddie informed us. “She’s cute.”

“Exactly that's why you like her.” I said with all the disdain I could muster.

“How do you know why I like her?” Eddie asked.

“Because there isn’t any other reason to like her.” I said shoving the bale of hay in the trailer with the trailer bucket for punctuation.

“Eddie, you’re talking again. Don’t talk in front of the people they don’t like it.” Dave tried again.

“She looks a little like Sarah Palin with her hair up don’t you think?” Awesomez slyly interjected her eyes laughing. “You should see her when she puts on her red glasses.” I wanted to smack her, but instead I gave her a smile that said it all. Eddie leaned one arm on the tractor looking at me with his Paul Newman blue eyes. Leering he began launching into a chauvinistic assessment of my appearance, my suspected left-wing activities out here in the county and the virtues of the Republican Party, NRA and Sarah Palin. I smiled politely and threw poison barbs every now and then trying to be cutting but not outright angry. I could see the obvious discomfort on Dave’s face and not surprisingly, Awesomez had quietly slipped away as she can only take so much. Her father had a "W" on his door for years.

“Anyone with a brain is better than 43 was - Eddie. Let’s leave it at that. C’mon you rascal we’ve got to get Peggy to my brother’s. Thanks for the hay Denise.” Dave said trying to hasten their departure.

“No Dave, thank you for taking care of my runaways.” I said taking his cue. “I’m just going to go put the tractor up and get my wallet. I’ll meet you at the gate.”

As they drove away Awesomez said “Sorry about the Palin thing. I can’t take guys like that. You know he asked me if I was Henry’s grandma?” she said completely annoyed.

“You think that’s bad? He thought I was a little girl! A little girl! Are you freaking kidding me? He called me MISS,” Henry complained completely outraged.

“You look great for a grandma,” I said looking at my friend, “but you’re pretty homely for a girl.” I informed Henry.

“Is that right? Well, people tell me I look just like you -  Sarah.” Henry countered sending Awseomez into her signature giggle.

 (and where was teenage Nick - you ask?)
 

 

 

 

December 4th Take A Bite Out Of

 (Phoebe at the ferry terminal - third from right in the back)
 
     Awesomez and I were trying to be on time for Phoebe’s choral performance. However, we’d somehow gotten behind every new driver in Whatcom County. One car didn’t turn left on two green lights, so we gnashed our teeth hoping we weren’t going to miss it. Phoebe was singing in her annual Christmas program at the Alaskan Ferry Terminal. We got there but only because we ran through the parking lot. After it was over we were able to walk through and see the Gingerbread house competition. The one we’d planned to enter all year, but as time grew close I was simply overwhelmed with winter preparations, Kim’s passing and things for the kids. I just didn’t have it in me to do a gingerbread house without Tom or someone to help.

 (a young ginger bread artists creates an Ark)

 (part of a larger display - a ginger kayak)
 
 

 (ginger pirate ship)

 (Matzah sail)
 

 (Ginger castle)

 
 

 (Ginger taxi cab)
 

 (ginger tree house)
 

 (a family entry- a ginger boat)
 

 (ginger cottage - with lights)
 

 (ginger yellow submarine)
 

 (ginger museum)
 

 (computer)
 

 (Whatcom Middle School on fire)
 

 (gingerbread "Up")

 ("UP" detail)

 (Up - footprints in the snow )

 (ginger shopping bag)

 

 

 

 (Henry and Phoebe dance to Christmas music)
 

 (Henry discusses service dogs)
 
 
  (Quinn and Awesomez deep in discussion as usual)
 

“Next year it’s our Thanksgiving weekend plan,” I said to Chris poking him hard after finding out he was going around changing Henry’s 10.00 bids to 100.00 bids.

“You got it. We can make tandem gingerbread houses.” Chris confirmed as he and Lisa went off to bid on another six entries.

            "I'm starving and about ready to eat my arm. Can we get something to eat?" Henry requested. It was a little early for dinner, but we all agreed we could eat. Henry, Awesomez and I drove around trying to decide where to go to dinner. After going up and down Lakeway, Chestnut, Holly, State and Harris we finally decided on The Pepper Sisters.

            It was an unlikely choice I’ll grant you. Southwestern and spicy it wasn’t likely Henry was going to love it. Unfortunately, none of us loved it. Although, Henry had no problem asking for what he wanted. He ordered a Roy Rogers extra syrup. And was about to add chicken to his burrito which I felt was already pricey enough. I thought he's going to be one of these people who's coffee drink takes ten minutes to order.

I’d been there once before with Tom and we’d had a great meal, but this time around everything was pretty bland. Henry and Awesomez picked at their entrees while I stuffed it in knowing the food was going to go to waste if I didn’t.

After dinner, we went to see “The Blind Side”. The perfect movie for Awesomez and I. She loves football and I love Sandra Bullock.  It’s a true story of hardship and hard work. Kindness and love. On our way, I realized I needed to stop and drop off Henry’s prescription to be filled. So while they went and got tickets and popcorn I ran to Rite Aid. The very accommodating pharmacist said he’ have the medication ready when my movie was over. “Have a good time and let me know if you like it,” he said as I nodded and raced to the theatre.

We laughed, we cried, we ate a tub of popcorn and loved it. “Mom didn’t you like it when….”

“Henry can it wait? I have to run back and get your meds.”

“Can I get a snack?”

“Seriously? You’re hungry? We had dinner and popcorn.”

“I’m still hungry. I didn’t like my burrito and I really didn’t get much popcorn because I didn’t want to be rude and take it all.”

“Ok.” I said over my shoulder as I went racing down the sidewalk.

All was fine, I had fifteen minutes to spare. “Did you like the movie?” The smiling pharmacist asked.

“I did. I really haven’t liked a movie this much in a long time.” I said recommending it.

When I walked back to the checkout stands, Awesomez was busy calling the restaurant because she couldn’t find her inhaler. She doesn’t go anywhere without it and so she was patiently explaining to the person on the phone where we sat incase she’d left it behind. “The last booth on the right…” was the last thing I heard before; I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning I saw a very serious man in his early thirties plainly dressed looking me intently in the eye.

“Excuse me Maam, I’m store security.” Store security? Store security? I was confused. “I caught your son stealing from the store.” He said holding a Three Musketeers™ bar. There must be some mistake I thought this cannot be happening. My son knows right from wrong. It must have been a mistake I thought until I saw Henry’s face and knew it was true. “I would ordinarily call the police and file a report.” A report! Oh my God, I thought I was going to be sick. “But your son was completely honest and admitted what he’d done. Boys his age usually lie, he didn’t. So I’m just going to give him a warning.”

I knew it was my turn to speak, but I was weak in the knees and all I could think to say was “Henry why? What? I told you I’d buy you a snack.”

“You did?” He pitifully replied with tears in his eyes pulling his brown sweatshirt in front of his face.

“He took the wrapper off and hid it then put the candy in his sweatshirt.” The man continued to report the events of the crime.

“Henry I’m just stunned. Of course, I’ll pay for it. Is there something I should do? I just don’t know what to do?”

“No you don’t need to pay for it. I’ll report it as destroyed.”

 “Henry why?”

“Because I was hungry. I saw all the candy bars and I wanted one. I thought you said no” Henry said almost emotionless.

“Well, first of all I said yes, but even if I’d said no, you don’t take one. Are you kidding me? That’s ridiculous. I told you I’d buy you a snack why wouldn’t you just wait?” I demanded.

“I didn’t hear you.” Henry said sadly. "I thought you wouldn't want to spend the money."

Awesomez walked up and was quickly brought up to speed. “Even if your mother had said ‘no’ you couldn’t be that hungry. We went out to dinner and I offered you popcorn and something at the movie.” Awesomez said. “You’re being unfair to your mother making her feel you’re hungry.”

"I was." Henry repeated.

I felt as though my world had collapsed. On the way to pick-up Nick and his new girlfriend, Megan, Awesomez said, “It’s too bad there isn’t a class in right and wrong.”

“But that's the thing. I thought I'd been teaching that class for 12 years now. This is a parenting nightmare. I feel like I’ve failed. Like I don't know who he is. Lis, Maybe he did feel hungry. You know with not having a lot of money lately. I’ve made him wait. I've made him wait when he really was hungry. After work out. I don't stop a lot for food on the way home. I don’t buy snacks. Maybe he thought he was trying to help because we couldn’t pay for it.”

“Stop! Just stop. You are not to blame for this. He is and he has to take responsibility. NOT YOU. Shhh.” She said emphatically.

Henry do you realize how lucky you are?” I asked. “ You know how you got that scholarship to Woodward this summer? Well, they don’t give scholarships and things like that to kids with criminal records.”

“You could have had a report filed. You could end up in juvenile hall, you could end up having your driver’s license delayed.” Awesomez explained. “You know I used to work at a home for troubled boys; they were sent there by the court and I had one boy, Mark, who was there for a year. A YEAR. Just because he stole a greeting card. A greeting card he was obviously was getting for someone else. He was a good kid and he did his time.The court felt he wasn’t supervised properly and suspended his mother’s parental rights for one whole year.

“ A year? I thought the only thing that would happen is they’d make me pay for the candy bar.” Henry said lamely.

The story terrified me as I listened. No father figure in the home. He was away working. Tenants,a rottweiler, mother working at a store part time. I didn't look good on paper at all.

“It’s a true story Henry. I loved that kid. He came to our facility for a year.” Awesomez repeated. Once the court system gets involved in your life. You lose control of your choices. Imagine how your mother would feel if you were sent away at all.”

“You’re not seven.” I said sternly. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in you. You’re a thief.”

“Mom.”

“You are, you’re a thief.”

“It’s the first thing I’ve ever taken.”

“How do I know you’re not a liar too?”

“Henry it’s awfully unlikely you got caught on your first time. I think you need to tell your mother the truth.” Awesomez insisted.

“Really. It’s the first thing.” Henry whispered.

“I don’t believe that Henry.” Awesomez stated flatly.

The drive home was solemn. The evening ruined. When I got home I called Tom. Naturally he felt it was his fault for not being here. We talked talked and talked and then we talked to Henry then Tom talked to Henry then I called my sister. "Chris says he'll drive out there right now if you need him to talk to Henry too. And he says remember 'hard labor' make him work."

"Tell him I will. I'm gong to need the Uncle Chris card, but I think I can handle it tonight, but he is going to have to face Chris too." I said exhausted from the events.

As I put Henry to bed I said. “Well, I’m not sure quite yet how your father and I are going to deal with this, but we do know one thing it's not going away. You’ve lost all privileges. You will not be going into Fairhaven with your friends - you obviously can’t be trusted.

“Mom it was only a candy bar I’m so sorry.”

“So what? Next, is it going to be a TV? DVD player?”

“NO!”

“Do you think if I took a TV they’d just make me pay for it?” I asked.

"I made a mistake."

"Doing drugs is a mistake, drinking and driving is a mistake, picking up a gun and showing it to a friend is a mistake. Mistakes or not they can end up costing someone their life.I lost many friends to someone who made a mistake. Some mistakes are huge but you have to live with the consequences. That's what happens when you start to grow-up."

“Awesomez was really hard on me. She thinks I’m lying.”

“Are you? Have you stolen before? She doesn’t think this is your first time. She cares about you and doesn't want you to continue down this path. If you lie to me now it’ll be a lot worse for you later.”

“She thinks I took candy, because I was kidding around and said that to Nick, but I didn't. Some people in town paid me a dollar to do a back flip, but I did take something about a year ago. I told myself I would never do it again.”

“But you did.”

“Yes.”

“Honey, doing wrong things breaks a barrier. And the more you do things that are wrong the easier it gets. Your father and I are not going to let this be easy. You will have to do hard labor tomorrow. You will bring in firewood and pick up trash. You will be working somewhere and donating your time to charity. Hopefully, I can find someplace where you can see what real hunger looks like. This isn’t over. I suggest you pray for forgiveness and realize that God knows what’s in your heart and what you’ve done. Even if I don’t. I’m just so sad, but you know I love you. I will always love, but I hate what you’ve done. I’m so, so sad and I feel so betrayed.”

Tears welled up in Henry’s eyes as he listened to me but he did not cry.  I found this curious as he cries at the drop of a hat. If the coach yells at him, if I tell him to put a shirt on, or if he feels wronged he cries. This time, he did not. I went to bed broken-hearted. As I lay there I thought about Henry graduating from college, working in the Peace Corps, having his own children and I thought this is a moment I want him to look back on and be able to say. “I could have gone the wrong direction, but my parents made this such a lesson I never stole anything ever again.” The Catholic in me will be sending him to reconciliation before Christmas.

 Luther woke me in the middle of the night because he needed to go outside. On my way I passed Henry’s room and found a note addressed to me.

It said:

Dear Mom,

I know what I did was wrong and I’m not saying that that makes it any better I just want you to know that I will never again take something that does not belong to me. I with only the want for one measly little candy bar changed the way you look at me to your eyes I am a thief… because of ONE little candy bar. I would have made big blotch on my future I know because of one candy bar. I could have been taken away from you, gone to juvenile hall, not gotten a scholarship, postponed my driver’s license, but I know that the worst possible thing did happen to me. I made my own mom have to have a stranger walk up to her and tell her that her son who was brought up to know right from wrong was caught stealing a candy bar. I made you lose your trust and respect for me. I also have lost something my own respect and my honour. I did something on impulse that one impulse was the want for a candy bar. We all want things we can’t have before all I wanted was a candy bar now all I want is my own mom’s trust. I will NEVER steal again. It’s pointless and bittersweet I lose more than gain. I don’t understand how one can make an entire living off stealing without feeling stupid because that’s what I felt. I don’t expect this to make everything better but I hope it will help.

Regretfully yours,

Henry Miller

(click to view full size)

As I read the heartfelt note, I was touched by his remorse and once again had hope that my boy would soon be back on track. However, I was also struck by his terrible language conventions.

Mental note: needs confession and grammar lesson.  And what’s with honor  “h-o-n-o-u-r”? That’s the Canadian spelling. What the heck? Are you kidding me? I really have failed.

 

December December 3rd Perfectly Normal

 (The Twin Sisters)

      “Why would you live out there? I mean what's it like really with all those animals? You know on a normal day. Don't you get sick of being so far away from civilization.” the woman carrying the big black patent purse with buckles and long red polished nails purchasing some Dill Havarti at Everybody’s Store asked me spritely. 

I gave her my canned answer “Oh I get into Bellingham every day really. And the animals well, I feed them, clean out the barn, let them graze,the regular things. No one really wants to hear the truth. It's like when some says 'how are you?' very few really want to know your real answer. "That’ll be $4.82 please.” I said smiling as I rang her up. I couldn't help thinking how much I hate Dill Havarti it's so pedantic. After all the good cheeses I gave her to taste. She might as well eat grass and butter. Not that I have anything against butter. "Thank you!"

As I thought about the lady with the shiny handbag, I wondered about what she said. A normal day I suppose is a day when everything goes as planned and that just isn’t very normal. Take the last few days for example. Awesomez came in to town with Nick and the washing machine broke, Edward had a painful abscess just above his hoof, the pipes froze to Amy’s house leaving her without water and us without any working washer and then while we were at gymnastics we got a frantic phone message from Amy telling us half the geese were missing.

 (Denise - me- Carrying Edward's blanket after giving him some Bute - Horse Advil™)
 

 (Edward in pain)

 (draining)

 (Awesomez not loving the camera thing - completely fake smile - whatever)

 ( a sight to see - Awesomez seems to be getting over her fear of turkeys, sheep, goats, cows, horses, donkeys, chickens, ducks - but not geese)

“Missing?” Awesomez asked. “Has this ever happened before? What do we do?

“Never not in two years. After we get home, I’ll drop you guys off and I’m going to go look for them, but I’m worried. It’s late. It might be too late,” I responded. “Amy says she thinks they’re out by the pond, but it’ll be at least an hour before Henry finishes and we get home.”

 (Trey watches Henry on the rings)
 

“If you’re going. I’m going, I’m not letting you go alone,” she said. I smiled to myself. My asthmatic friend, my accident-prone friend, my friend who is afraid of sheep and terrified of turkeys who would otherwise never step foot on a farm was first and foremost ‘my big sister’. “They’re always together, why would they separate?” Awesomez wondered aloud.

“That’s a frightening question. I don’t think I want to know the answer to. I imagine they’re in the forest. At least they’re girls and they’re camouflaged. The boys would practically glow.” I murmured as she drove home on the windy dark state route 9. “You know, I don’t expect to find them alive. They’re mostly the young ones and they’re probably out honking in the forest on a cold dark night. A goose dinner would sound pretty good to a coyote, bobcat, fox, cougar, heck even a raccoon could probably take Linda down,” I said quietly not wanting to upset Henry who was sitting in back with Nick. We drove the rest of the way in silence intermittently turning on one of the few stations we get on the 9 - PRAISE which plays not often heard renditions of unusual Christmas songs.

“Can we turn that off?” Nick complained. “It’s kinda freakin’ me out.”

When we got home Amy met us at the gate wearing one of her throw-anything-on-that’s-warm–ensembles earmarked by various stripes in all directions and jumped in the van. We drove over to the barn and I got out with Amy while everyone else waited in the van, just in case the missing geese had come home since Amy’d last checked. We walked in the open barn to see a frantic gaggle. Lloyd, Clara, and Cleveland were milling about the center of the barn. They refused to go in their pen. In fact, I couldn’t usher them in with a stick and Amy. On a hunch I grabbed Lloyd figuring if the scared and wayward young geese were still alive and out there, they’d more likely come to Papa Lloyd’s pleas than mine.  I handed a sleeping Henry Lloyd and glanced over at Awesomez. She hadn’t flinched at the idea of a goose riding in the van. She simply sat there as though this was something that happened everyday. She was changing before my eyes.

 (Lloyd ready to find his kids and crazy Mabel who seems not act her age)
 

With Awesomez driving the Mystery Machine we slowly headed down the rocky path toward the pond the windows open cold air swirling around us. No one complained we were listening for honks. All was quiet.

“There! I see them! Stop!” I yelled. Although I didn’t have to yell, Awesomez did as she was told and hit the brake.

“Where?” Everyone in the van asked almost in unison but not quite.

“There!” I pointed to the center of the pasture. “They went to the safest place possible. They’re not as dumb as I thought. They couldn’t have been more safe than in with Miracle and Edward.” I said hopping out determined to retrieve my geese.

The first one was fairly easy to catch. I got angel-winged Linda and handed her over to Amy who took her straight up to her worried mother. Numbers two and three, LuAnn and her wily aunt Mabel, had me running all over the pasture and back. You’d think I was after them for Christmas dinner. Miracle wondered what the heck was going on and thinking donkey thoughts in her donkey brain, she figured I was mad at the geese, so she started charging them trying to mow them down just to help me out. This kicked up the stress to a whole new level for me and the birds. However after I told Miracle to stop she stopped completely confused by my antics. No one in the van came to my aid. Instead, they sat in the van with the lights shining on me for their amusement.

After slipping and falling on the ice countless times, I finally got LuAnn through the fence and herded her up the hill as I carried an exhausted but very discontent and vocal Mabel.

 (me and LuAnn)
 

Once inside the barn, I put all the geese in their pen and shut the barn doors tight for the night, shoving a broomstick through the door handles to keep predators out, just like normal.

 (ultra predator proof security)
 

Awesomez was alone, the boys and Amy had gone in for the night, but she was waiting for me with the van nice and warm. “I got them in their pen. They’re all happy to be together again.”

She smiled handing me the paper towel. It was the one she’d just finished wiping Lloyd’s goose poop up off the leather seats with, “Perfect”.

 (goose poop - Henry calls it going #3- too much solid for #1 - too much liquid for #2)

 (- the next day we figured out why they were out galavanting around - a puddle by the pasture that hadn't frozen)
 
 

October 21st Back To The Future

(My mother, after being 89lbs and in a wheelchair - fought her way back to go on a three-week safari)

Dear Mom,

    I’ve been feeling lost and alone lately and my friend, Sherry, from work suggested I write you a letter because I miss you so much. I wasn’t going to do it until this morning when I was in the laundry room and I could hear Irish climbing up on the kitchen counter to try and eat my English muffin. He didn’t see me so he thought I wasn’t anywhere around. Was he shocked. 

 (no dog should be this big)

 Anyway, it made me think of Corinthians  

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part,

But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

I believe you’re around even though I don’t see you – like Peek-a-Boo

(my mom and me - playing peek-a-boo)

    I don’t know why people say time makes it easier, because it doesn’t. It’s just longer since I’ve heard your laugh or felt your arms. Well, here’s the long and the short of it Mama. I’m tired. I’m not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep will cure, but the kind of depleted exhaustion that makes things feel hopeless. I question my choices. I wonder what you would tell me if you could. I listen for your voice.

    Where should I put my energy? What should I leave behind? My day begins at 5:00 AM. I get up and make lunches and spend a little time having a quiet cup of coffee. I need the time just to be alone. Then I wake up the boys and harangue them into getting ready. We feed the dogs, the cats and open up the barn to let the goats, sheep, geese, ducks and turkeys out. Except on the days we’re running late or it’s too dark like today.

    On the way to school, I sit in the passenger seat on these dark fall mornings and grip my coffee while Nick drives us to school. You don’t know Nick, but you knew his Mom, Lisa Gomez. Nick’s a funny thing. He makes Henry and me laugh. He adds a bit of work because he’s not sure he should have to study, I know what you’re thinking, no, he’s nothing like his mom – Miss 4.0 G.P.A. Anyway he’s silly, lighthearted and likes to push my buttons, just like Henry – always telling me I’m “trippin’.”

 (Silly Nicholas Lyle)

 (Henry and Nick laugh)

    He’s quickly turning into a farmer. He did a photo assignment for class and was outraged because the students thought Lloyd was a duck. “You kiddin’ me with that neck!”

    He’s done a “hella good job driving” if you ask him. He’s gone on the freeway, driven in the rain and is slowly mastering the left-hand turn. Naturally, he’s nervous when trucks are barreling toward him on the highway. I remember when you first let me drive on Pear Blossom Highway after we went skiing one day. I didn’t think that fear of facing a truck would ever subside, but it did just like you said.

 (Nick taking the wheel)

 (Lloyd - Franklin, Richard, Silence and Rachel)

    What would you say now? You see, when I went to have my taxes done the other day. Yes, I know I, I know most people have done there’s but I got them done and mailed on October 15^th. That is the deadline, I made it by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin. My accountant, Kelly, said that I am not a bad person although I am paying her. She also told me that the Conservation site where a lot of Bellingham schools go to for their outdoor education is closed this year, and as a result there are a group of parents who heard about Fort Flashback and would like to see if they could have one of the Bellingham Schools come up here for a Colonial or Pioneer experience in the late Spring. Kelly says this is Fort Flashback’s big chance. Which of course is what we’ve been waiting for and I’m pursuing, making appointments with parents designing curriculum and trying to attend the school board meeting.

    But after I drop off the boys I have to race back home and let the animals out now that the mornings are so dark and then run to work. I work at the Everybody Store in Van Zandt for minimum wage. The people are friendly and the job is quirky. In the summer I weeded the strawberry garden and now I’m picking apples in the orchard.  We’re going to debut Henry’s Miracle Honey™ and Stingers™ there in a few days.

    It’s the company Henry thought up. He’s a lot like you with a bunch of get rich quick schemes and a hard worker. He wants to be the Paul Newman of honey. There’s a spicy garlic/pepper you’d love and of course regular plain old honey. It’s one thing to think it up though and another thing to bring it t market. There are a myriad of things to think of. Researching label printing versus buying a printer, then which printer and how much ink, which labels go with which bottle size and shape. Creating recipes, trademarks versus registered marks,getting upc codes, noting proper warnings, verifying nutrition facts, testing recipes, deciding on safety seals, buying a heat gun, creating a limited liability partnership, running focus group testing, applying for food processing permits, getting hair nets, choosing & buying urls, checking into shipping, obtaining hive permits, finding kitchen rentals, creating brand identity, applying for business licenses, getting professional memberships, deciding on donations, making wholesale pricing, deciding whether to try retail, calling the rabbi about the kosher symbol and point of sale promotions. It takes hours of planning, calling, filling out of forms, comparing prices and then of course the price per unit because Tom and I would actually like to make a profit and live together before Henry goes to college.

 (in Seattle getting the jars at the Specialty Bottle Company)

 (loading up - a tight fit with Nick, Quinn, Henry - Tom and me)

 (Mike and Henry with the heated scraper- uncapping the honey- for extraction)

 (extractor)

 (Henry, Nick, Mike and Tom put the frames in the honey extractor)

 (Donna with the official honey drill-mixer - we're getting our license)

 (Donna stirring a Stingers™ bucket for Celia - of the Department of Agriculture)

 (Stingers™ - 16 ounces)

 (The oval hexagon honey jars)

 (Henry's Crest for social studies - a project gone wild - Henry prefers my jigsaw over Tom's - easier to hold for little hands)

 (Henry selects symbols that represent him)

 (Henry is on fire - loving 7th grade)

 (Lord Henry? We hope - the teacher will determine his status)

    After I finish at the Everybody Store I race back to town with a snack and pick-up the boys. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday we go to Burlington for gymnastics. To save time, and fit in Henry’s cornet, he does his practice in the car on the way. Nick makes him put a sock in the horn to muffle the sound. It works pretty well. At 4:00 we stop at the Common Ground, a little coffee shop, where the owner never remembers us. Henry and Nick do their homework for an hour. I have a cup of Earl Grey with a splash of milk and help interpret U.S. History and Algebra. If Nick needs help in Visual Communications we call Tom.

    When I drop off Henry, Nick finishes his homework or chauffeurs me around Burlington running errands to Home Depot™ or the bank or the market. That’s the time I go to Weight Watchers™. I've lost six whole pounds so far and I'm going to keep going. We get home around 9:00PM. I couldn’t manage at all if Lisa Gomez hadn’t gotten me my new Crock-Pot ™ and instituted a few new laundry rules. I’m not allowed to leave laundry in the dryer or fold it and put it in a basket. “Laundry belongs in the laundry room” according to Lisa. I am to take it out of the dryer and put it flat on top. – no more than two loads. Then I must put it away before I am allowed to wash another load. - I’m still a laundry mess but this seems to be a system I can manage – I must say in this area you failed as a mother. What were you teaching me instead of laundry? Oh right, how to have fun and be happy. Well, I mastered that for the most part although I slip occasionally.

    The farm takes up a lot of my time, but I love feeding the cows, tending to the turkeys and the chickens, cleaning stalls, this is what makes me happy.  It’s just trying to pay the bills and find a way to get ahead while doing this and vacuuming up dog hair and testing the generator, insulating the well and chopping wood. My biggest challenge at home is Deli, dad’s dog. She was living with my kooky tenant, Amy, until she killed Amy’s treasured bunny, Rizzo, and is more than likely responsible for the disappearance of Charlotte, the cranky sugar glider. Consequently, Deli’s back with me. She can open every door except the one to my bedroom and so there she stays most of the time imprisoned. She’s sweet and great with the cats, but I can’t take her getting out with the barnyard animals anymore. Strangely, Amy still loves her, but can’t risk Frenchie her other bunny and I can’t blame her. Really what she needs is a small inescapable yard and someone who’d take her on a walk. She’s really a couch potato and a love bug at heart. I don’t know what to do. I can just hear you “Are you kidding me? Your father’s dog? You’re letting your father’s dog ruin your household? – and then “but she’s so cuddly and soft and sweet and gentle…” Where you’d end up on this one remains a mystery.

 (Miracle and Edward horse around)

 (Nick took this picture of Ed peeking in to say hello)

 (Angus resting by a tree)

 (ducks to the left - goats center, turkeys in the foreground and geese in back)

    On a positive note, the pond is so full now it’s overflowing. My tears of anguish were for not. A lot of good came out of the pond drying up. If it hadn’t been for the dry ground I couldn’t have had these nice guys come out and get the gravel out for me in exchange for some firewood. They created a road with the gravel they got out which goes all the way from my driveway to the pond. The pond is almost its normal size again. Almost, because it’ll never be as deep due to the silt and I couldn’t ask them to work any harder than they did, but the island is an island again and Wally’s former residence is suitable for beaver habitation. I can hear you saying “See, you never know what good thing is going to come out of something bad.”

 (reflecting)

 (a real pond again)

 (Luther dressed for fall - crossing the creek)

 (an island again!)

 (water flowing)

 (Beaver ready)

    Gone are the long summer days. Instead, the cool crisp fall brings buttery browns and buttery golds. The rains have come with a vengeance making up for the dry summer. The mud got so deep one day in the pasture I had to let the cows out into the field. I was afraid Gnatalie would get stuck trying to go to the feeder and break a leg.

(autumn is here)

    We want to get her grandmother, Petite and her uncle, but Deli broke the fence going down to the pasture and I just don’t have the money to fix it right now. Ahh such is life on the farm. Speaking of which, there is some interest believe it or not to make our lives a reality show a cross between Walton’s and Green Acres I’m told. I kid you not. We took some footage, but now I can’t seem to get it edited and that’s a whole other job in itself.

    Some of my friends have asked me if I would really do it and truly the answer is yes. It beats the idea of food stamps. I’m not proud any longer I’m just trying to survive. Perhaps, I dream too big.  But the truth is you taught me to be happy with simple things. I can remember you so sick with cancer sitting in your wheel chair outside on your deck. Suddenly you’d smile at the sight of a Stellar Jay or an unexpected egret or those Japanese fishing birds that moved in to the lake. You told me “happiness is not a destination, it’s a decision. If you wait until something, to be happy, you’ll be happy very little. It’s better to be happy at the sight of a flower or a bird or new shoes. Happiness isn’t about all these big things people have such expectations about like Christmas Day. When you want so much from one day you’re bound to be disappointed. It’s better to make everyday special.” This is why I don’t get the laundry done.

    I listened, and I still sing Henry the new shoe song and he sings it to me. I don’t want to be rich Mama; the rich have their own problems. I just want to live life on my farm, laugh with my family and have enough money to take Henry to the E.R. every time he needs it. Oh and did I mention I’d like a pedicure every once in-a-while.

    I do take some time for myself. I write and I have a treadmill. I watch All My Children with the boys while I walk. It’s funny how comforting it is to see the same actors on the show that were on when I watched it with you and Grandma Irene. Tad was in middle school then and now he’s a grandfather. It’s predictable, and silly I suppose and I can go a couple of years without seeing it and pick it up in a week but like it just the way I like getting bubble gum balls out of vending machines. And it’s funny, when Henry says something about one of the characters that you liked or didn’t like, I feel as though I’m a time traveler.

 (Christina and  Irene - her beloved mother-in-law who was more like a mother than anyone she'd ever known )

    Well, as I look outside at the sun peeking through the clouds and the vibrant blue sky against the scarlet trees I realize Mom my time is up. Jeff called and cancelled me for today at the store so I didn’t have to work which meant I had a little snippet to myself, but school’s almost out and I have to check on the progress of the honey sticks we want to give out on Halloween, exchange the winter coat I bought Bruno, pay the garbage bill, see about a couple of electric blankets for the boys, go to the bank and then off to gymnastics.

    I’ll have to tell Sherry her idea worked. I do feel as though we’ve had a little cup of coffee together and I feel a lot better.

(Me - in my sigma chi shirt - and my Mom staying up all night in a German train station - having espresso and chatting with other travelers)

All my love – always

 

Denisie

September 10th Tough Love

 (Cluck-Cluck - named by Amy, a Red Dorking)

    The alarm rang at 3:45AM, just a few minutes before “Cluck-Cluck” sounded off.

    “Think of it like summer camp,” I suggested as I set a hot cup of coffee in front of Awesomez. “You know kids on the East Coast often go away for three months at a time. He isn’t really moving away he’s just at Farm School.” I tried to lighten the mood of the dark foggy morning Awesomez left her son with me. 

    Her bags were packed and she’d cried a Kleenex box full of tears the night before, she’d worried about him making friends, his grades and how she was going to bare getting on the plane without him. She thought about how quiet it would be at home, but instantly thought of Lindsey, “She’s never ever quiet.”

    “She’ll come through and pick up the slack,” I assured her.

(Lindsey also known as "Little" at home waiting for the Momma to return)

    “Yeah, this will give us time to spend together,” she said looking on the bright side.

    We piled in the car for the airport with plenty of time. It was a quiet moment as I watched my friend say good-bye to her son. I was humbled by her faith in me. I was moved by the looks of anguish and loss that passed between them as they said good-bye. “Think of it like a summer camp…”

(Painful good-bye)

    I couldn’t believe I was going to drive away. But I did.

    From there I dropped the boys at school hopeful the day would go well. I went to work exhausted I could only imagine how the boys felt sitting in class.  On the way back to pick them up from school, I got a text from Nick. “Ate lunch – ALONE AGAIN”. I was bummed, I wanted a Disney ending, but I knew that isn’t how it really works. It’s hard being the new kid.

    Henry hopped out at gymnastics and I took Nick over to the Common Ground coffee place to do homework and make progress on the honey business. Nick worked on his history sentences while I prepared my food processor application for the state. To my dismay, my application was beginning to look a little like a term paper what with sanitation schedules, well classifications and kitchen diagrams. I was buried deep in a nutrition label information and font size requirements when Nick said he needed help. So we went over how a few things clarifying why the teacher was using different sources and multiple perspectives.

    I went back to work and Nick hunkered down or so I thought. In just a few moments I heard, “I’m done.”

    “How is that possible? There are a lot of questions.” I pointed out reasonably.

“I don’t know I’m just done.” He said eyeing me. I felt as though we were two gunslingers sizing each other up in the middle of town at high noon. He didn’t know whom he was up against.

    “Let me see.” I said hearing Clint Eastwood music in my head. He turned the paper toward me and looked away. For good reason, the words he’d strung together while having a period at the end were not sentences. They did not restate the question, they did not give any details and there was not one ounce of thought involved. I took the pencil and began erasing.

    “Hey, hey, hey!” He clamored. “What are you doing?”

    “These aren’t good enough. Did you see the instructions? You have to re-do them and this time you need to write full sentences and explain your answer. If I was the teacher and I saw that I’d give you a 2 a ‘D’, these are horrible. You just told me a few minutes ago what this one should have said, just write it down. You can do this. You can’t just move here and do the same stuff you used to do.” I wrote down a sample answer as an example.

    “But that’s so much work. You want me to write a book!”  He whined.

“It’s not as much work as doing it over and over and over and over.” I said with a teacher look as I took the ipod away. He looked at me and for a moment I wondered if he regretted being here. Was I being too harsh? Pushing him too much for the first day? I thought of other students, Johnny, Trevor and Lucky and thought NO. Every teacher knows, you have to be tough the first weeks of school then you can lighten up once the standards are set, understood and met. We sat in silence knowing the first one who blinked would lose.

    He picked up the pencil, pulled the paper toward him and said, “Do I need to say everything?” I smiled. Victory was mine.

(Rome wasn't built in a day)

    We closed the place finishing up Nick’s sentences and gathered Henry at the end of his practice.

    “How was your homework?” Henry asked getting in the van. “You guys were gone the whole three hours.”

    “Nick had sentences.” I said quietly.

    “I didn’t restate the question.” Nick added sullenly.

    “Ohhhhh. Yeah, she doesn’t like that.” Henry commiserated. “You get used to it.”

September 9th Caught Red Handed

    The first day of school ran like clockwork. Lunches were made with names properly marked in Sharpie™, clothes were selected, and breakfasts were hot. Everyone was up early and eager, showered and clean. Well almost. Nick and Henry for some reason the night before decided it would be a great idea to mix clay and red food coloring with their hands in order to further their ongoing claymation project.

    “Which of you two chuckleheads thought this was going to be a good idea?” I had asked in one of my more exasperated tones.

    “It said food coloring, we thought it just colored food.” Henry said stupidly standing in the hallway with scarlet fingers.

    “And you thought clay was food?” Awesomez called incredulously from the other room as she did yet another load of my laundry. “So let me get this straight Nicky you’re going to go to your first day at your new high school with red hands?”

    “Yeah,” he said holding up his hands,“ they’re going to say ‘Hey that kid with the red hands is bad ass.” Nick shrugged as he went to go soak his hands. Again.

    The boys scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. They alternated between putting thick greasy hand cream on trying to pull the color out and scrubbing. They used everything from mild soap to Ajax and Soft Scrub™ with bleach.  Eventually, their hands looked rose.

    “I’m not sure it’s an improvement.” I whispered to Awesomez.  Eventually, they did get their hands close to normal, except for their nails; which were a soft petal pink.

    The first day of school went pretty well, Nick liked most of his teachers and only got lost on the way to math. Henry got different teachers than Quinn had last year and therefore had a lot to report. Quinn missed Lauren and Phoebe became an upper grader.

    “A couple of kids said ‘Dude did you paint your nails?” Nick relayed.

    “What did you say?” I asked.

    “Nothing."

    "Nothing?" Quinn repeated.

     I didn’t speak all day except to say ‘Here” Nick said somewhat defeated. “I ate lunch alone.”

    “You’re going to have to put yourself out there son. Remember it’s only the first day. It'll get better.” Awesomez encouraged.

(Quinn trying to avoid the paparazzi)

(Henry, Quinnderella and Nicky - Picky on the first day of school - Phoebe is still in school)

    That night, we all tumbled into bed exhausted knowing the next day would be a repeat of: up at 5:15 AM, showers, coffee, dogs fed, cats fed, barn animals let out and fed, backpacks packed, lunches gathered and out the door by 6:30AM. So when I woke Awesomez up in the middle of the night to venture out into the rain to find my missing donkey, she was less than coherent.

    “Lis, Lis,” I said shaking her out of a sound sleep.

    “What?” She finally responded in a groggy voice.

    “I’m going outside. I don’t see Miracle. She and Sir Edward didn’t go in the barn with the rest of the animals.”

    “So, they’ve done that before and been OK.” She replied without opening her eyes.

    “I know, but she wouldn’t leave Sir Edward. They’re like butter and toast and he’s right by the barn door, but she’s nowhere in sight. I’d hate to have another tragedy so soon after Michael. Didn’t you hear that coyote pack?”

    “No. I was sleeping. Don’t you sleep?” She said looking at me with only one eye open.

    “Yes, I sleep, well, sort of, but I couldn’t when I heard the pack. Deli’s out too, she didn’t come back. I’m going out and I’ll take the van out if I have to go down in the pasture.”

    “You want me to come?” She said as it was dawning on her.

    “No. It’s OK.” I said meekly. “You’re sleeping.”

     “OK. I’m coming. Let me get my shoes on.” She said reluctantly. “Seriously, I think you woke me out of the soundest sleep I’ve ever had and I can’t believe we’re going outside in the rain to look for a donkey while a coyote pack prowls around. What time is it anyway?”

    “It’ll be an adventure?”

    “You’re an adventure. There’s always something.” She muttered.

    “Tom says it keeps things interesting.” I said to keep her moving forward.

    “But he’s sleeping,” she countered.

    “True. Miracle!!! Miracle where are your girl?” I called as I walked out into the cold barnyard. The shadows seemed too close in around us. I could see Sir Edward standing on three legs with his back hind leg resting. I figured he wasn’t nervous or tense, which seemed a good sign to me. Cautiously, we walked closer looking around for both Miracle and predators. “There she is!” I said relieved. “She’s laying down in the shadow of the barn. I guess Edward was standing guard so she could rest.”

(Miracle resting in the shadows)

    “Well good. I wasn’t looking forward to trolling the pasture. Now you can relax. Do you want to put them in so they can both rest since we’re here? It’s drizzling.” Awesomez pointed out.

    “I think that’s a good idea, then I won’t worry,” I agreed grabbing a lead rope and hooking it to Sir Edward’s blue halter. He went easily through the gate and into the barn. Miracle followed.

    Just as we got our equine snug as bugs in the barn, the clouds opened up. “Well, that was lucky” I said happily. “I’m glad they’re in now I can sleep.”

    “I can’t tell you how happy I am you can sleep.” Lisa said dripping with sarcasm as her head turned toward a rustling in the bushes just outside the fence.

    “What was that?” I said frozen.

    “I don’t know, what should we do?” Awesomez said reaching for a shovel.

    “Let’s go in the barn.” I instructed.  Slowly, I began moving toward the door when Deli came loping out of the brush tail a wagging.

    “Deli, you scared us!” Awesomez chided.

    The next morning as the alarm assaulted, I turned it off. When we finally got up, we were late. The kids left without their sweatshirts, grabbed a bowl of cold cereal to eat on the way and we gave them money to buy lunch. School is back in.

September 5th The Remains Of The Day

 (Irish and Bruno snuggle)

When the alarm rang, I was already awake. The house was dark and everyone was still asleep except for Irish who wagged his tail and Bruno who gave me a groggy look as I went down the stairs.  I poured a cup of coffee and dressed. I couldn’t just throw on coveralls, because I had to be at work at 10:30AM.

I peeked into Henry’s room. He was sharing his bed with Luther, Vivian and Emmet. I shook him gently.

“Henry, I’m going to the vet. Do you want to come with me?”

“What?” He said through a veil of sleep.

“I just want you to know it’s possible I might not come back with either Michael or the turkey. We just don’t know. I wanted you to realize that in case you want to come.” I explained in a whisper not wanting to disturb Lu.

“No. I think I’m going to stay here. Is that OK?”

“Sure it is.” I said walking out. I had to get going I had a lot to do.

I went to the barn fed all the animals, filled their waters and looked until I found a carrier for Michael up in the hayloft. I transferred him into it. I put in a warm towel and loaded him in the van on the seat next to the turkey carrier. I walked around to the other side and got up the nerve to check on the turkey. He lifted his head; he was still alive.

 (Michael on his way to the vet)

 (A lot to go through at 8 weeks-old)

“Hey there turk-a-lurk. You made it through the night. I hope you’re feeling ok. I’m going to take you and Michael to the vet.” I told him and closed the door. I went in the house, poured myself a cup of coffee to go and went back to the car. I was finally ready.

Just as I was backing up I heard a loud THUD on my window.  My heart about stopped as I looked over to see what it was. It was Henry.

    “Mama, can I go? I want to go! I couldn’t go back to sleep and I thought you were probably gone by now, but I took a chance and looked out the window and saw your brake lights and ran downstairs across the rocks without shoes just in case you’d let me go. I want to see Michael.” Henry said breathlessly.

    “You can go. Get some clothes on. Quickly. I don’t want to be late, but I’ll wait for you,” I promised remembering when my mother called me at my friend, Leah Paulson’s house after she put our dog, Susie, to sleep. Come to think of it, funny how I hadn’t before, we got our chickens, Max and Maxine from Leah, Rhode Island Reds, and when our dogs, Susie and Hansel got them we had to tie them around their necks until they rotted. It was supposed to be how you trained dogs not to kill them. I tried to shake the visual from my head.

    Henry got in and off we went. As we wound around we saw an animal in the road. “Mom! Stop!” We pulled over and thought we could get the dead creature to the side of the road. “ We got out and walked over to the animal.

    “Henry, I think it’s alive.”

    “It is, look,” Henry said as it lifted its little head and looked at us. “Mom, it looks like a mini capybara.”

    “I think you’re right, but how they don’t live here.”

    “I know, but there it is. What do we do, its body is broken. And I can’t find anything to move it with.” Henry said.

    “Well, don’t touch it with your hands it’s in pain and it’s wild it’ll bite if it can.” I said cautiously and sadly. “Honey, I think we have to just leave it. I can’t take one more animal to the vet. I just don’t have another carrier or anything. I’m not putting a wild animal in my car even if it is injured without a carrier. Especially with our birds.”

    “I understand Mama. I do.” Henry said as we hopped back in the car.

    “Henry they’re going to ask us the turkey’s name when we get to the vet’s office. I think he should have a name.”

    “I do too. What should it be?”  The phone rang and Henry answered it. “Hello? Dad! We want to name the turkey before we take it to the vet, but we don’t know what to call him. I think it should be something broken and twisted…You’re right! Quasimodo, that’s perfect Dad. Thanks.” And it was.

            As we drove along the farm roads, Henry turned to me “Mom, you know we named Michael, Michael because he moon-walked as a baby, but now you know what’s weird, he’s like Michael Jackson in another way, because he’s disfigured. Isn’t that strange?”

 (Henry taking Michael into Kulshan)

    We arrived on time with Quasimodo and Michael and were led to a small exam room. The round-faced curly-haired  blond doctor emerged friendly and compassionate. She put out her hand and introduced herself as  Erin West. She quickly assessed the situation and told us,

  (Doctor Erin West)

“Quasimodo had a shattered wing, and a very bad break in his leg.”

“He doesn’t have to be a perfect turkey. We can take care of him and he can live in our laundry room. I’ll turn it into an icu if he can make it.” I said. “But I don’t want to make him endure that if he’s not going to be ok enough to live a pain free life.” I explained.

“I don’t think he can make it,” she said quietly, but firmly.

“That’s it? You have to put him to sleep” Henry said, tears pouring down his face as if a faucet had been turned on.

“Oh honey, I know it’s hard.”

“He’s just a baby and I thought he might make it.” Henry heaved with tears as Erin looked compassionately toward him. Henry pet Quasimodo gently.

“I’ll be back with the paperwork. I’m so sorry.”

I signed the papers and Quasimodo disappeared. Henry climbed into my lap for a while as I say there holding my twelve-year-old as I had so many times before. Then I took Michael out and held him close rocking him gently trying to soothe us all.

“Henry, Michael smells a little funny. I’m worried he’s got an infection. You have to be prepared. He might not make it either.”

“I know.” He said as the tears continued, "but I think he has a good chance. He's strong and he wants to live. He's lived this long, that has to be a good sign."

Doctor West came back with one of Quasimodo’s feathers and took Michael away to examine him. “I need to put him under with a little gas so he isn’t hurt by the exam. Is that ok?”

“Absolutely.”

“Why did she ask you?” Henry wondered.

“Because it costs more money and she wants to make sure I’ll pay for it.”

“Oh.”

When Doctor West returned she explained to us that Michael’s wounds were too severe. He could have a miracle, but the truth was he had one eye missing. “What is there is just a puss pocket,” she explained. “He might have the other one, but his face is too swollen to tell. He definitely can't see anything right now. The real problem is his thin skin is dying and once his skin dies then his bones will. He could die a slow painful death or you could be here next week with a terrible infection.”

Henry burst into tears again. “We can’t wrap his head?”

“No, I wish we could. Do you want to see him before?”

“Yes, I want to say good-bye,” Henry said as he got up to follow her. “He’s so sweet. You don’t know him, but he is a very special chicken. He’d let you hold him and he’d climb in your lap.” We followed the doctor to the table where Michael lay. He had a tiny gas mask over his beak. Henry reached over and pet him. Then he leaned down and kissed his friend. “He’s my little baby. He never hurt anyone. He just loved.” Turning to the doctor he said, “May I have his orange band? And could I have one of his feathers like you did with Quasimodo?”

“Sure,” she said as we walked out.

A short time later she came to the desk with Michael’s band, the feather and two tiny caskets. I paid the bill and we drove home in silence.

 (Michael's tag and Quasimodo's feather)

“Are you glad you came?” I asked “Or was it just too hard? You know, we’re going to lose Vivian and Luther eventually. And Emmet is about 18 or so now.”

“I’m glad I came. I know I didn't know Michael long, but he really touched my heart. It’s like they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” he said as he reached out and put his hand in mine.

 (the caskets)

 (Denise -sporting her new olive coveralls- and Awesomez dig)

 (Henry preparing Michael's marker with gold spray-paint)

  (Nick and Henry clip roots and pull away debris as they work on the gravesite)

 (Awexomez puts the caskets in the shared grave)

 (Sadly, we bury them)

September 4th What A Difference A Day Makes

   (In this picture - chickens on the inside of the coup - turkeys on the outside - at right and white fluff on the left - are sheep - something wrong with the camera setting - sorry)

    Since Michael's attack, we've kept the turkeys in the outside chicken run. This means the chickens have had to stay inside all day. So this morning, I decided to take a bold move and let the turkeys out in the barnyard. They are after all almost as big as the geese at this point and they can fly.

    Oddly, the sheep were drawn to them. All four: Apache, Angus, Mildred and Sheryl, came up sniffing them and then sat down surrounding the chicken coup watching the chickens and allowing the turkeys to climb on their backs. It was so unexpected I couldn't help but laugh. I felt good leaving knowing the turkeys could roam about the property and be near the chickens, but no one would be injured today.

 (couldn't get the turkeys on the sheep, but here they all are milling around - still something wrong with the camera)

    Given that, off we went to the Department of Licensing. Nick being fifteen and eight months is more than eager to get his learner’s permit. So for the second time in a week we all walked into the Department of Licensing and took a number. Awesomez and her son sat down, while I went outside to enjoy the sunshine. Henry walked to the DQ for a chili-cheese dog. Thoughts of Michael preyed on my mind. I dialed Kulshan Animal Hospital and spoke to a doctor about his condition.

            “Well, without seeing him, I can’t really recommend anything over the counter. The problem with his injuries is, it depends how deep they are. I could give him a shot of antibiotics and something to make him more comfortable.” She said.

            “Is it more money to come in on Saturday?”

            “No it isn’t.”

            “It’s just that money’s tight. If I can treat him myself I’d like to, but I don’t want to be negligent. “

            “I understand. You’re doing what you can. The electrolytes you got at the farm store are a good idea.”

            “I know he’s just a chicken, but we love him.” I said deciding I had to take him in. I couldn’t live with myself. “Is there something early in the morning? I have to work at 10:00 at the Everybody Store on the 9.” I asked and was transferred to the front desk where I made an appointment for Michael at 8:45AM. I felt better. Money, pigs can’t eat it. Why else was I working if not to take care of my family?

        I walked back in to find a frustrated Awesomez and a disappointed Nick. Unfortunately, she’d grabbed the wrong birth certificate and accidently brought Lindsey’s instead of Nick's. They couldn’t get the permit without it or without her, so he’d have to wait until her eventual return.

        “What happened to you?” She asked.

        “I made an appointment for Michael in the morning.”

        “Let me get this straight. You won’t buy a sandwich for yourself because you don’t want to spend the money, but you’ll take your chicken to the vet?” She marveled.

        I looked into her big brown eyes trying to find the words to make her understand but I couldn’t. “That’s right,” was all I could think to say.

        “Mil!” she said with an eye roll.

    Just then Nick dropped his water bottle on the sidewalk, "Nick you're water broke." Henry said with a raise of his eyebrow. 

    "Henry!" Awesomez laughed her bawdy infectious laugh.

        After that we stopped at the Whistle Work. I’d gotten a call that my fall wardrobe had arrived. I’d ordered two ensembles for my birthday – Special order because I had to order my coveralls in “short”. Naturally, I got the traditional slimming navy and a lovely shade of olive to set off my eyes – they’ll both go beautifully with my chocolate work boots. I was now set for the season.

    “Maybe you should sell designer coveralls with paint splatters already on them” Awesomez said cracking herself up.

    From there we went to the notary and met my sister. I’d written up a temporary guardianship document so we would have some sort of official paper acknowledging Nick. Unbeknownst to me, Awesomez was now starving and so without realizing it, I callously headed off to gymnastics without getting her any food.

    This is where the day went south. You see, once again, I forgotten to feed the Awesomez her noon feeding. A Gremlin by nature, Awesomez my little Gizmo went berserk. Ok, not berserk exactly, but she wasn’t happy, in fact downright cranky. Fearing the wrath or cold shoulder of Awesomez, I dropped her, and Nick, off at a little place near gymnastics called the Common Ground. I have to admit I was afraid to return until I felt she’d been served so I stalled for a teensy bit.

    A fed Gizmo is a happy Gizmo. We ran errands trolled thrift shops looking for bargains. Awesomez bought me all sorts of things from a backrest to pizza plates she wanted to make sure we’d all be ok in her absence.

    “Ahh, a Crockpot™ from a Crackpot” I said thanking her for everything.

    That night, we stopped at Burger King on the way and finally arrived home to a dark barnyard. As my headlights illuminated the way I saw Deli standing motionless near the garden. Strange I thought, she looked odd, but I dismissed it.

    Tired, I pulled the car over to the barn and left the van lights on so we could see. The boys ran over to Amy’s to feed the gliders, pigeons and bunnies because she’d taken a trip up to Canada with her friend, Sarah.

    “Will it be hard to collect the turkeys?” Awesomez asked.

    "I don’t know, I’ve never left them out before, but the geese know safety is in the barn, so I imagine they will too. We’ll see. They might be more like the ducks, but I hope not.”

    The lights from the van cast eerie shadows as we walked up to the coup, and sure enough two of the turkeys were sitting next to the door waiting for to be let in. I could see the outline of another one walking around just a few feet away.

    “We’re missing a turkey!” I called to Awesomez who was filling up a water bucket.

    “Really? Keep looking.” She instructed.

    “Oh my gosh! It’s dead!” I screamed.

    “What?”

    “The turkey! It’s dead! I can see the outline of its feathers from the lights. It's toward the compost”

    “How do you know it's dead?”

    “Come here. I can see a wing sticking up in the air. Look!” And Awesomez dutifully came to see the twisted carcass.

    “I’ll pull the car up so we can shine some light over there.”

    I kept working, giving Michael water, feeding the chickens, giving hay to the goats, when I heard the ducks quacking. “Quack! Quack! Quack, quack, quack.” I figured Awesomez was trying to wrangle them up on her own, a difficult task for one person.

    “Deli! GETOUTOFTHERE!! STOP!” I heard Awesomez bellowing. Dropping the hay, realizing it was Deli causing the ducks to quack. I knew she was attacking them. By the time I got to the garden where they were, Awesomez had already gotten Deli off of them.

    “She killed the turkey.” I said.

    “You think so?”

    “Absolutely. I saw her when we drove up and I wondered what was wrong.”  Awesomez held Deli at bay while I collected the ducks. The boys arrived on the scene just in time to form a sort of duck bucket brigade. I caught one handed it off to Henry who gave them in turn to Nick. When every goat, sheep, equine, goose, duck and chicken was fed and accounted for we walked over to the mangled turkey.

    “I think it’s breathing!” I yelped.

    “I thought so too,” Awesomez said quietly.

    “Do we kill it? I guess we should kill it.”

    “How?”

    “With a shovel? Or I could drive over it?” I suggested.

    “I’ll do it.” She generously offered. "You love it. I'll do it." 

    How do you thank someone for offering to kill your turkey with a shovel? I don't think Hallmark has a card for that. I knew she was again trying to take care of me. I so often push those attempts aside, but as I considered how horrible it would be to kill the eight-week old turkey I shuddered. I might just let her do it.

    Just then, the turkey lifted its head and looked me straight in the eye. “Oh my God! We can’t kill it! I can’t kill something that’s looking at me. Poor thing.”

    Henry rushed over to the turkey to comfort it. “This is worse than a soap opera.” He exclaimed.

    “What in heaven’s name do you mean very strange child?” I asked.

    “Well, yesterday I hated the turkeys and was ready to eat them. Now, I feel terrible for the little guy. It’s worse than All My Children. On that, they manipulate how you feel about a character one minute you hate them and and then the next you feel sorry for them.”

    “Huh. I see what you mean."

    "It's like Annie Lavery. They make her evil and then you feel sorry for her. I hated this turkey a couple of days ago and now I feel terrible. Poor thing is laying here barely alive," Henry whimpered wiping his eyes.

    "I’ll get the dog carrier out of the coup I've been using it for their shelter, let’s see if we can get him in and put him in my van. He’ll be safe in there for the night. It’s not cold and conveniently I just happen to have an appointment with the vet in the morning.”

    The boys bravely and carefully lifted the turkey into the carrier. We took the top half off, as he wasn’t going anywhere. “He has a broken leg,” Nick said. “It’s just dangling. Do you think it's Bucket?"

    "I can't tell with him lying down." I said.

    "You know which one Bucket is still?" Awesomez asked.

    "He's so much bigger than the others, I do when they're together." 

    “His wing is broken,” Henry said tearfully. “Do you think he’ll live?”

    “Well, I have no idea what his other injuries are. He might have ones we can’t see. There’s not much more I can do for him tonight. He might be dead by morning. You have to prepare yourself.”

    “Do you think he’s the turkey that attacked Michael?” Henry suggested.

    “I wondered the same thing.” Awesomez said.

    "Me too." Nick said.

    “I did too. It reminds me of my father. He was hit by a drunk driver on the freeway coming home from a gig in Santa Barbara, one the fourth of July. It was a horrible hit and run, his car was spun around and flipped. I was with him in the emergency room when they brought the drunk in and put him in the bed next to my father.”

    “Weird.” Nick said shaking his head.

    “Stupid Deli. I hate her!” Henry said as we all went in for the night. I know I should have said Deli was just being Deli, but Henry knew that and honestly I felt the same way. I couldn't defend her. I thought of all the animals she's probably attacking and leaving for dead on the mountain. 

    I fixed myself a cup of tea in the still of the house after I’d called, Tom and my sister. I’d gotten into bed when I realized it was getting really chilly. Fall was definitely on the way. So I got up went to the linen closet, found some old hair-dying towels and traipsed out to the van to keep my new patient warm.  I wondered if he’d be dead. I doubted he’d last until morning, but when I got there he looked up at me with his big turkey eyes. He seemed grateful.

    I went back inside and made another cup of Bengal Spice. Sleep would not come easily tonight. Awesomez was still awake. “You know, I was going to kill it.” She said walking in the kitchen as I was pouring a dollop of milk in my piping hot tea. “I thought about how I’d do it. I was going to take a shovel and close my eyes. I wondered how it would feel. And wondered how I’d feel afterward, but I didn’t want you to have to live with it.”

    “My sister said to be merciful we should take an axe and chop its head off tonight.” I informed her.

    “Easy to say until he's looking at you.” She said sleepily.

    "And what if it didn't die? Often times guillotines took several times. Henry was right, I could have served him up for Thanksgiving the other day when Michael was attacked, but tonight I'm doing all I can to keep him alive and I'm ready to get rid of Deli."

    "Tune in tomorrow," she said ironically shutting off the lights.

 (canine non grata)    

September 3rd I Can Cry If I Want To

(adorable hippo sculptures from Kenya via Paris from G. Horn aka - my dad)

and - annual - My Happy Birthday from Grandpa Horn

    It sounded like I left the dishwasher on the rinse cycle all night long. The Pacific Northwest was righting itself, making up for the endless hot summer days. With the relentless downpour Awesomez and I thought my day in Seattle at the Woodland Park Zoo would have to wait, but I called my sister and she reported it was to be a beautiful sunny day in the seventies.

    It was still early when we dragged Quinn, Henry and Nick out of bed and shoved some cereal in front of them. Awesomez volunteered to help me and together I went out to the chicken coop to take care of Michael. I held him and pet him trying to comfort him while Lisa helped me give him sips of water. She’s turning out to be a pretty good farm hand. She wrangles ducks, cares for injured chickens, herds goats and cleans stalls. Who would have thought Miss Immaculate would be OK with  goose poop on her tennis shoes?

    “Are you OK to leave him?” Awesomez asked quietly while I held him nestled in my arms. I could tell by the way she kept averting her eyes that she could barely look at him. His wounds were, deep and vicious. We wondered if what we saw was part of his brain and after close examination we weren't sure if he had one eye or not.

     “I am, only because I know Amy will be here and she said she’d call me every once in awhile to let me know how he’s doing.”

    By the time we got our acts together and met Lisa and Phoebe in Burlington it was already ten o’clock. A lot later than we planned, but we weren’t on a set itinerary for a change. When we pulled up to the appointed meeting place, Phoebe greeted me with the requisite birthday latte and a snuggle. I was showered with presents and oddly it turned out to be a two birdhouse birthday. Henry made me one and so did Quinn, Coincidence? Phoebe made me a very unusual and lovely bowl. 

(Phoebe starting the day out right)

(Phoebe made my beautiful birthday gift)

(surprised at receiving a second adorable bird house)

    Just as we got off the freeway I remembered “Lis- didn’t you want to go to some place down in Seattle? A burger place?”

    “Yeah, yeah, The Red Mill, it’s owned by this lady it’s supposed to have the best burgers ever.” Awesomez recounted.

    “Awesomez wasn’t that the place you said was on that show?” Henry asked.

    “Yeah, ‘Man Vs. Food’ “ Awesomez said.

    “Hey, The Red Mill! is right there! It’s right there!” Henry screamed, “We’re passing it!”

    “I can’t believe it. That’s it! What are the chances?” Awesomez said as we drove past on our way to the zoo.

     “I thought it would be at the other end of Seattle,” I said, “but I guess we know where we’re eating dinner.”

(Henry and Phoebe mosey along)

    We had decided to go to the zoo because we usually try and have a family outing on my birthday. In the past my birthday was usually at Sea World because September is a very hot and dry time in Southern California. We would never have considered the Los Angeles Zoo in the summer. And to tell you the truth, zoos can be depressing. Many of them have cages that are too small, I much prefer wild animal parks, but I wanted to go somewhere and this was both affordable and within a reasonable distance. I entered with a bit of skepticism. I’d heard a great deal of talk about the penguin exhibit and although fun, it was nothing compared to Sea World’s Penguin Encounter in San Diego. I felt like one of those people who move from New York and never think their new home's bagels are good enough or they are always asking why there aren’t any good bialys.

(Nick playing with a penguin)

(Penguin Scat)

    We went on to the gorillas and all of sudden The Woodland Park Zoo became my favorite place. The gorillas were awake. Something I wasn’t used to. And they were eating, holding hands and talking to each other. Interacting? They were close enough to view without straining over a rock. They’re behaviors were phenomenal and so were those of the lions, tigers and sloth bears. Orangutan playing peek-a-boo, baby pudu nursing, eagles ripping prey apart, snow leopard cubs pouncing, tapirs swimming and squeaking their shrill cries. It was unlike any other zoo visit I've had.

(gorilla eating an apple)

(Tiger got your tongue?)

(Sloth bear)

(After playing peek-a-boo he made his bead and took a nap)

(Endowed Wild Dog)

(Eagle eating prey)

(baby gorilla)

     Every time I turned around I saw an endangered animal enjoying the day as well as the common teenager, Nick sitting down. Moping - "Homo Sapiens var. Adolecence Mopious" It seems his knee might need surgery, so instead of dragging a despondent teenager all over the zoo, I did what my mother would have done. I got him a wheelchair and put an end to the complaining. Phoebe, Quinn and Henry were stunned. “My feet hurt!” Quinn exclaimed.

     “You don’t need surgery,” her mother pointed out.

     “Whatever,” Quinn quipped.

At 2:30 we were in line to feed the giraffe.  “It’s an extra $5.00? I don’t have enough cash I just have my debit card.” I said knowing I could borrow from my sister or Awesomez; it was my birthday after all.

     “I got it.”

     “What?” I asked.

     “I got money to pay for your giraffe feeding,” Henry said as he pulled a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet.

    “Henry! You don’t have to pay for me, I can borrow from one of the Lisas.”

    “I want to pay for you. This is a birthday gift I know you’ll love and I have the money, “ he said putting his hand in mine and kissing me on the cheek. “Let me do this for you,” he pleaded.

    “Thank you, this is a wonderful birthday gift and I love the bird house too. I can’t believe you just used your father’s tools and did it. I’m really proud of you.” 

    "Really? I did all the measuring and everything. I used Dad's hand saw and Dewalt™. Phoebe helped me. I had Quinn do the writing, because after all that work, I didn't want to crap it up."

(Henry's handmade birdhouse)

(Home Tweet Home)

(Henry tempts our new friend)

(Me, the birthday girl)

(Henry, Awesomez, Giraffe)

     Awesomez was just going to watch from a distance and not actually feed the giraffe, but I pulled the birthday card and the boo-boo lip and she caved. We all filed in and began feeding our leaves when the phone rang. I wouldn’t have taken it, but I saw that it was Amy and I was worried about Michael.”

     “He’s fine.”

     “He’s dead?”

     “No. He’s fine. He’s alive! He’s alive and drinking a lot of water, he’s walking around and I’m holding and talking to him like you asked.”

    “Great. I was worried.” I whispered “I’ve gotta go we’re feeding the giraffes.” I hung up and looked over to see Awesomez giggling with Phoebe over the giraffe’s tongue. I was happy. This is a great birthday I thought as I saw Phoebe wheel Nick out of the giraffe enclosure.

(Can you really beat this much fun? - yes they are in fact growling)

    After an exciting day seeing things I’ve never seen at a zoo we topped off the outing with cheap, delicious burgers. The place was packed with a line out the door that never seemed to get shorter. It's a little hole in the wall really, but it seems everyone in Seattle knows about it. I couldn't believe the burgers were only three dollars for a cheese burger and about five for the  Green Chili burger I split with my sister to try and stay within the bounds of reason when it came to Weight Watcher points. The the kids had shakes and malts all around while Awesomez through caution to the wind and ordered the peppery onion rings.

    We found a table outside and sat in the waning sunshine enjoying the sounds of the city when The phone rang again and for the fourth time today it was Amy dutifully calling with Michael’s progress. “Hello?”

(Man VS. Food - recommendation - a new family tradition)

   

    “He’s good”

     “He’s dead?”

     “He’s good. I didn’t say 'he's fine' this time, because you kept thinking I said dead and you still thought I said dead.”

     “I guess I’m scared, thanks for taking care of him," I said "I never could have had this birthday without you watching him. I really appreciate it."  I thought of Amy sitting there holding Michael for me. I was touched at how much a part of our lives she's become in such a short time. How did I get so lucky to get a whacko like her who would sit in my chicken coop talking to my injured chicken for me so I could go to the zoo on my birthday. Her kindness brought tears to my eyes.

September 2nd Chicken Little

   (Luther relaxes in the shade of the hot summer sun)

     I am a Virgo. This might not mean much to you if you are not a Virgo, but if you are then you know what it means. It means I prepare for months so I know that when my birthday comes I can be at peace. I clean closets over the summer and organize the garage. I try to get all these things done so that my house will be in order when I inevitably age another year. This year I did not succeed in completing all these tasks. My closet was started, but never finished. The garage although cleaned has been ravaged by multiple children looking for a variety of books, colored pencils and junk drawer organizers. Although the railing and the eves were painted, the porch never got sanded nor stained. My bathroom drawers were completed, but the files and the guest room were not. This is how I tally my life. I think given half a chance, I could have been a type-A , if it weren’t for the animals. In fact, I used to have nightmares about heel marks made by my roommate Shannon’s shoes. The animals and the kids made my life messy enough to enjoy. But here the day before my birthday with dishes in the sink and the laundry undone, I realized that if I couldn’t finish the house then I needed to concentrate on cleaning up me, and I truth be known needed to be completely detailed. I must dye my greying hair, and get a pedicure.

    In the morning, I did get my hair handled and thought I was off to a good start. We thought we’d let Irish out so he could come with us to the pond, well the hole in the ground formerly known as the pond. No sooner did the over-amped extra-large pup start romping around than he decided he’d chase petite Gnatalie. I wasn’t worried at first, she’s a pretty tough cookie, but she got scared and took off. And that was the beginning of the day I wish had never started.

    Gnatalie ran half out of her mind doing laps around the apple trees and then in blind fear she blast through the wire fence ripping her lip open. Irish followed with glee having no idea he was terrorizing the poor bovine. Luckily, at this point Gnatalie found refuge with Abe and Andy through the open pasture gate where she settled down. Irish was quickly rounded up and Gnatalie taken up to the barn for treatment. We cleaned her up a bit and put a little Neosporin™ on her wound.

    As I looked the fence over it became clear, that even though I'd just put it up with Alexis, I was going to have to put up a whole new one. Fixing this one with the same kind would be just throwing good money after bad. A wood fence was needed.

(Gnatalie's injury)

(Henry gets Gnatalie cleaned up)

    Eventually we got to the pond minus Irish, and were happy to see at least some water remained. Things seemed to be looking up when Henry dug a little at an underground spring and increased the flow noticeably.

(Nick, Bruno and Vivian check out the "pond")

(Vivian wades in)

(entrance to Wally's old beaver lodge - usually underwater)

(Bruno - the ratbat - in the air)

(Henry marvels at erosion)

(Henry tries to get another source going)

(Henry and Nick dig for water)

    Afterward Awesomez, Nick, Henry and I drove to Burlington for gymnastics. Nick stayed to watch while Awesomez and I went to go get a pedicure. This is not to imply that Awesomez, who neither believes in the ritual of moisturizer, nor the idea of base make-up, and is allergic to perfume was even entertaining the idea of a pedicure but she had conceded on accompanying me. Unfortunately, getting Quinn from soccer practice was putting a kink in my plan. I’d agreed to go to a new and untested nail salon near her soccer practice so I could pick her up and had even driven up to said salon when I panicked. This was my birthday pedicure; a cherished ritual. I sat there in the car thinking about the last time I’d gone for a pedicure.  I’d given in and had a less than perfect nail experience. The last time was in California during my sorority reunion and I was going to indulge a $12.00 desire when I was pressured out if it, I still had regrets. Here in Washington prices are $25.00 for a pedi (no mani) so I wasn’t about to squander my money and compromise. Disappointed, I pulled away with unsightly toes.

    In an effort to get some birthdayness going, Awesomez bought me a brand spanking new waffle maker just like I had before. This because Quinn broke my pride and joy, the Warring™ Pro Plus, a couple months ago while she was trying to clean it. It’s clear she didn’t pay enough attention in Miss Noelle Ikanda’s fourth grade class when circuits were being explained or she would have known, you don’t submerge electrical appliances, she must have been talking to Kaitlin Maroney or Hannah Dorman or Mackie Miller or someone. I am grateful she at least seemed to retain the part about not having it plugged in when running it under water.

(a good thing)

    The waffle maker it turns out was the one bright spot in an otherwise bleak day. It seems, Awesomez is a little like a Gremlin. If you don’t feed her with in the given parameters she gets a little cranky. A cranky Awesomez is a frightening experience. I didn’t realize this until it was too late. I missed the “I’d like a coffee” as a request for food. It’s one of those moments you wish you could go back and have a do-over, but you can’t. Well without going over all the gory details she questioned my choice of macaroni and cheese as a snack food – apparently she believed Nick wouldn’t eat cold pasta, and I felt in my pre-birthday-over-sensitiveness, my maternal instincts were being indicted, so I stomped off. From there voices were raised, feelings were hurt, the car got silent, and my tires squealed down the boulevard into the gymnastics parking lot perhaps a bit dramatically, I am my mother’s daughter after all and she did teach me how to peel out when I turned sixteen.

    “Is this really something two friends should be fighting over?” Nick questioned all too reasonably.

    “Mom can’t you just say your sorry” Henry wondered as the long uncomfortable drive home labored on me in the way back seat while I sang “Happy birthday to me” softly into Henry’s ear while, Nick was in the front with a sullen Awesomez and Quinn sat somewhere in no-man’s-land. To tell the truth, I don’t know how long this tawdry little fight would have continued if the cell phone hadn’t rung from my home number.
“I’ve got some bad news,” Amy said solemnly. My mind raced was it Luther, Vivian, Emmett, Irish?

    “What? Tell me.” I demanded.

    “It’s one of the chickens.  The turkeys, well, I think it was the turkeys because I saw one over him when I walked in. The turkeys pecked him. It’s bad. I don’t think he’s going to make it. There’s a lot of blood and I think at least one of his eyes are gone,” Amy said methodically, her EMT training evident as she gave the status report.

    “Oh my gosh, ” I yelped.

    “What? What?” Henry and Quinn asked worriedly.

    “Shhh, not now,” I hushed them trying to hear Amy. “Should we kill it? Where is he now?”

    “I’ve isolated him in a box with a heat lamp and I was just wondering if you were coming home,” she said sadly, “he has an orange band on his leg.”

    “That’s Michael alright. Can you call my sister? She might have some suggestions.” Henry’s favorite, my favorite, everyone’s favorite “We’ll be there soon, we’re on our way.” I said not looking forward to explaining to everyone.

    When we got home, I went straight to the coop to assess the injuries while Lisa went inside with the kids. Amy was vigilantly sitting with Michael who was about as bad as you can imagine, yet he was alive.

    Henry walked in tears filled his eyes at the sight of his baby. “Michael my little Michael come here,” Henry cooed. Michael responded to Henry’s voice and tried to stand up and despite Michael’s horrific appearance Henry leaned over and picked up his friend holding him close. My heart ached. “Why Michael? Why? Is it because he's the runt?” Henry kept asking over and over.

    “Maybe. Maybe it's because he’s so sweet and he didn't want to fight. Poultry can be vicious. it's why they keep them in little cages on chicken farms. Honestly, right now I don't blame them. There really is a pecking order and maybe he was just too much of a sweetie,” I said.     Michael was the first chicken to be named, he was named because he did a moonwalk and hence was dubbed Michael for Michael Jackson, but we were never sure if he was going to end up being named for Michael Jackson or if maybe he might be Michael for Michael Learned.

“I hate the turkeys. They’re like a gang. Where are they? “ Henry asked finally cognizant they weren’t in the coop.

    “They’re out in the chicken run, they’re just going to stay outside tonight, it's not that cold. Unfortunately, I was going to separate them earlier, that’s why your dad and I worked on the turkey enclosure, but then we got the ducks and we were trying out different animals in different living quarters and frankly, I didn’t notice the turkeys getting soooo much bigger recently. And of course they are, they’re ginormous. Uh, do you think you could eat one?" I asked.

    “Yep.” Henry said with a resounding tone, “no question.”

    “Absolutely.” Amy agreed.

    Amy and I put together a little intensive care unit. We found the Lucite box the chicks had used when they first came. We’d searched the shop, the garage, the laundry room and the barn when I realized we’d moved it to the side of the chicken coop in an effort to “clean-up” when Gnatalie arrived. We also got a screen to put over the box to prevent Michael from getting maggots. Next the kids got some old towels, and the small gate we’d had over the box when the chicks first arrived. Amy and I considered having him come in the house, but we feared the sounds of cats and dogs would be too taxing on his little system and even though the turkeys and maybe some of the chickens had turned on him, the sound of the chickens cooing would be comforting. Socrates sat next to the Lucite box for as long as I was there.

    After we got the intensive care unit outfitted, we tried getting him some water. Quinn and Nick went and found an eyedropper and some luke warmwater. We started with a healthy chicken for practice. My sister had given us some direction – we were not to get water under the tongue, as chicken anatomy is very different from humans. The eyedropper proved to be upsetting so we moved to dipping his beak in water. He took some, but not much. I washed his wounds out with medical eye wash and put triple anti-biotic on to keep him from getting an infection. He stood up which was encouraging.

(I'm giving a very injured Michael some water)

    “Well, he’s still alive” Amy pointed out.

    “But will he make it to morning?” I asked.

    “I don’t know, but I didn’t think he’d make it this long. I didn’t think he’d make it until you got home.”

    “He’s such a sweet guy. I never thought I’d like a chicken so much. We’ll have to say a little prayer. “

    “Happy Birthday,” Amy said quietly “some start huh?”  How my focus had changed. The day had gone from bad to worse, but I no longer cared about my toes, or the macaroni, or even the extra weight I’m carrying, I just wanted to help the little life I’d taken responsibility for. I just wanted Michael to live.

(Michael and Henry in happier days)

WARNING - Graphic Pictures of Michael Below

(Disfigured Michael)

August 27th E-i-E-i-O

(barn swallow babies - leaving the nest, but not the barn)

A couple of weeks ago the phone rang, it was Awesomez.

    “You’re never going to guess what Nick said today.” 

    I took the bait. “What?”

    “He said he wants to live on the farm and go to school in Washington. He hates the school here and says he needs a change.”

    “Really? Is he sure? I mean do you really think he’ll go through with it?”

    “I asked him that and he seems sure. Let’s give it a couple of days and see, but I think he’s serious,” she said with a heavy heart. “Mammoth hasn’t been a happy place for him in a long time and I told you I saw a different kid when he was on the farm. I think he really likes the animals, especially Luther and Henry.”

    I told Henry, Nick was a possibility, but I also told him what a huge decision this was and that Nick could back out at the last minute. Henry said he understood, but he was joyful. I was worried he’d get his hopes up and be really disappointed when Nick changed his mind.

    The funny thing is, Nick didn’t change his mind. He arrived today anxious to start school. Awesomez came with him to get him registered and settled in. 

On the way to the airport Henry turned to me a bit teary and said “Mama, Nick coming here is a dream come true for me. I’ve always wanted to have a brother.”

“You have Craig and  Laura, but I know it’s different, they’re older and don’t live with you right?”

“Exactly, I love them, but they’re not kids.”

“It’s not going to be all easy you know”

    “I know. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Isn’t that what you always say?” He said with a grin. I really hate it when he quotes me.

(Nick and Henry make their way to the van)

    Their flight arrived at bustling Bellingham International about 2:00PM.  We stopped by the feed store to get some more food for the geese, chickens and turkeys. As I walked in I saw the “For Sale” board on the wall. Anyone can write an ad about something they want to sell on the white board as long as they date their ad, so I made a snap decision and picked up the green pen. “For sale rare, heritage..."

    “Mom! What are you selling? Rare, heritage what?”

    “…Cotton Patch Geese”

    “Who?” Henry demanded. “Not Lloyd, you wouldn’t.”

    “No. Quackmire, he’s charged Phoebe for the last time.”

    “Look Mama, look at the ad above yours, they’re selling Cayugas. You’ve always wanted a Cayuga! And they’re only $5.00!”

    Henry was right I had wanted a Cayuga. I’d researched Cayugas and just hadn’t pulled the trigger, but here they were right in front of me.

    “Come on Mom, Cayugas.” Before I knew what I was doing my fingers were dialing the number and a woman answered the phone.

    “Hello, I’m calling about your ad, do you still have the Cayugas?”

    “Yes, we do, they’re three left,” a woman said on the other end of the phone. “How many would you want?”

    “Well, I’m just listing a couple of my geese now. I wasn’t actually thinking about getting Cayugas today, but my son noticed your ad. How old are they?”

    “They’re two months old now,” she said slowly as though she was calculating their age.
    “So they’re about full grown then?” I asked.

    “Yes they are. Uh, what kind of geese do you have?”

    “Cotton Patch, they’re a rare heritage breed too,” I told her.

    “Really, well I really miss having geese,” she said wistfully.

    “Perhaps we could work a trade?” I suggested.

    “We might just be able to do that. Let me speak to my husband and I’ll call you back.”

    “Looking forward to hearing from you,” I said as I hung up. We bought two bags of Flockraiser™, stopped at the market and went home.

    We’d been home about ten minutes when the phone rang. “Hello?”

    “Hello, Denise, this is Laura and I spoke to my husband and we’d like to work out the trade. We’d like the geese,” she said.

    “Great, do you mind if I give you three? You see, I have a perfect male, Quackmire and he is attached to Ruthie, but she has a condition called Angel Wing and so she’s not really good for breeding so I’d be happy to give you LuAnn as well,” I babbled.

    “You know, I’d rather just have two, we’re really trying to downsize, but I don’t mind having Ruthie and her Angel Wing. We’ve taken rescue geese before so that’s just fine,” Laura said. “Can we do it now? This would be a good time to catch them and we’re so busy the next few days I don’t know when we’ll be able to do it.”

    Awesomez was less than thrilled and truth be known I didn’t blame her. She’d driven from Mammoth to Palm Springs so her father could see Nick before he left then caught a plane from Palm Springs to Bellingham, gone to the feed store, the market and was finally home when I informed her we were going to catch geese and go get a few Cayugas – almost all the way jn Bellingham, a mere thirty minutes or so – forty-five if Tom or Awesomez are driving.

    “Ducks? Really? Tonight? Do we have to?” She nearly whined.

    “They’re not just ducks, they’re Cayugas, rare, heritage black ducks with a beetle green sheen and she wants Quackmire. I’ll go by myself,” I said.

    “No, I’m coming, we’re all coming” she acquiesced. “I don’t want to be a downer I know you want them, I’m just tired.”

    “Heck ya” Nick chimed in.

    “Besides, Old McDonald had ducks” I reasoned.

    "Mama,first we got a horse, then another cow, today a kid and ducks," Henry pointed out.

    So we caught our feathered friends, put them in a dog carrier and headed off for Squalicum Lake Road. It was a nice street I’d not ventured down before. Large pieces of land all for sale it seemed. We quickly located the house and Laura let us in. They had a rabbit, ducks, chickens of all kinds and a peacock.

(Quackmire and Ruthie are in the carrier)

    The boys quickly disappeared into a tree followed by some dogs while Lisa and I chatted with Laura and her husband. They showed us around their coup and told me tips on the chickens for the winter. We met the ducks and saw Quackmire and Ruthie’s new pond. It was tough to leave Quackie but I was happy to see where he’d be living and know he was in such a nice place. I thought of Lisa and saw her looking at Nick who was laughing and running around. It was taking a lot of love to do what she was doing, helping her child find his place, and I didn't know if I would have it in me if the situations were reversed. I hope I would.

(due to the extreme heat they're pond has gone way down - in this picture you can only see a small portion, the other part is obscured on the left where it wraps around)

(Quackmire in his new coup)

(Quackmire peeks)

(Henry and Nick explore)

(Henry and Nick hold the new Cayuga ducklings)

(Henry likes the new ducks)

 

    Laura explained her last pair of geese had charged one of her kids knocked the child down, mounted the kid on the back and pinned her. “I’ve never heard of such a thing. Quackmire’s never done anything like that.” I assured her.

    Laura continued and told us her grandson who is thirteen comes over and has no one to hang out with, so she wondered if Nick and Henry might like to come back sometime and meet him. Henry and Nick took one look at the tree house, trampoline and bonfire pit and agreed readily. 

    We were just about to go when Nick and Henry went in the chicken coup to look at the Frizzle and the peacock. Lisa and I were chatting with Laura and saying good-bye to Quackmire when we heard the screams followed by two boys charging out of the chicken coup. It seems the peacock had taken exception to being held and flown over Nick’s head scaring the living horse manure out of them.

(Henry and Nick try to take home a stow-away)

    On the way home we couldn’t stop laughing about the looks on their faces. 

    “Do you think she’s going to like Quackmire? He’s difficult compared to her ducks.” Henry asked.

    “Oh my gosh, didn’t you guys hear about Laura’s other geese?” Awesomez asked laughing.

    “No what?” Henry asked. “We were playing in the tree.”

    “Her geese attacked her kid and mounted her!! You guys are weak. Quackmire never committed assault and battery. You can’t even take a little goosing” Awesomez taunted.

“True in the goose world, that’s a felony, Quackmire’s only gone as far as a misdemeanor.”
    

(On the way home)

   

August 5th Walk Don't Run

(a visual I'm glad I didn't see)

Imagine being at the lion exhibit at the zoo and suddenly the glass breaks. Are you scared?  Or is it just another day at the office facing an apex predator? Now you and two children have to make it three-quarters of a mile to your car. Are you in a panic? When you begin to move and you hear the roar of the lion from the bushes a few yards away  does your heart skip a beat? You know he or she is stalking you as you walk because you can hear the twigs break and you can smell the musky odor of the cat. Do you freeze or do you run? Frankly, we’re exhausted from it. We can’t stop thinking or talking about the moment we heard the lion roar nor can we stop reliving the events leading up to it when like a herd of distracted deer we were innocently moving along without any sense of fear, unaware of what lurked just feet away in the bushes.

Strangely, when Quinn and I told people we were close enough to actually smell a cougar and were tracked like some sort of kitty treat, most people responded with ennui. “Really? Huh, that must have been scary” was the general reaction. Scary? I’d say life-altering type of fear would better cover it. For Quinn and me it was one of the most terrifying moments of our lives.

"I think people can't imagine how alone we felt when they live in neighborhoods with stores and things" Quinn suggested. "They just don't get it. They think you have neighbors. They can't visualize not seeing another person for at least a mile".

Since misery loves company, Quinn decided to stay yet another night.  She had soccer practice and so we went to retrieve her after gymnastics in the itsy-bitsy town of Alger. This meant we were going to wind around Lake Whatcom on our way home. The lake was beautiful with the sun dancing on the water, boats bobbing at their docks all framed by the wooded hills. It was soothing seeing the quaint houses dotting the banks and I wondered if maybe Awesomez would want to buy one eventually. Mental note, send Lindsey the real estate section since she seems to currently be in charge of the all family decisions.

Lost in thought, I was thinking about needing a walk wondering if maybe I should walk around while I’m at gymnastics next time. It is absolutely imperative I get my exercise so I can keep up with Awesomez’ weight loss. She's kicking my butt as she's already lost seven pounds. I briefly considered walking with Deli and an air horn. In fact I was just considering whether or not this was completely fool hardy when we passed something on the side of the road that caught my attention. I hit the brakes, and threw the van into reverse.

“Mom! What’s happening?”

“Neese! Are you crazy?” Paying them little heed I continued to back up and pull to the side of the road.

“No one get hysterical, I just have to see if I saw what I think I saw” I informed them. “ I was right. Look” I instructed.

(treadmill on the side of the road)

(Free! treadmill?)

“What the...? It’s a treadmill.”

Have you ever in your life seen a treadmill on the side of the road?” I asked.

“How much is it?” Henry asked.

“The sign says ‘Free’ do you think it works?” I wondered.

“Neese, a free treadmill just when you said you needed one? Couldn’t you ask for say a pony for me?” Quinn asked incredulously.

“Do you think we can fit it in?” I wondered aloud.

“Yes, we’re getting it” Quinn stated firmly.

“It’s heavy,” I said.

“We can do it,” Quinn said.

“Oh WE can, can WE,” I said skeptically sizing it up. I stood next to the behemoth object and measured it with my body. It was taller than me and it seemed to weigh a ton. We took out all my Costco purchases and folded down the seats. I lay down. “It’s going to be a tight fit, if we can do it”.

“Oh we’re doing it,” Quinn pushed. I wanted it so I followed her lead and began inching the thing into the car. With the assistance of Quinn and Henry I managed to tip the thing up in the back.

“Henry do that for your mom, you’re strong,” Quinn insisted.

“My mom is way stronger than me,” Henry said as I strained to lift the cumbersome object using my legs.

“You’re like Wonder Woman!” Quinn marveled. “How did you get so strong?”

“Grandpa Horn, I guess I’m a chip off the old block,” I said grimacing.

As it began to get dark, we got the machine in and were able to close the door. “If it doesn’t work I’m going to hurt someone” Quinn said “How weird, you were just looking on Craigslist to see if you could afford one and we drive this way for the first time since Griffin died, and we just happen to pass a treadmill on the side of the road. If this was a movie I wouldn’t believe it”.

(my little helpers, Henry and Quinn with our prize)

(Henry and Quinn)

(goofy Henry & Quinn)

“I know!  Remember when I prayed for the turtle? And Leo came walking up Califa the next day? Someone's, looking over us, probably Grandma” Henry added.

“I think so too,” I said. This was just like my mother, so "Miracle On 34th Street". She was always so Hollywood. Clearly she would not have liked me endangering her grandchildren, I can just hear her "Go ahead and take risks with our own life for a couple of pounds, but you're not taking my grandchildren" I could hear her plain as day. A moment later I heard something move in the bushes. Quinn, Henry and I stood statue still. We looked at each other all thinking the same thing and hopped in the car. Not waiting to find out what it was, I sped off with my new treadmill in the back.

--

August 3rd Scent Of A Woman

(New shoes don't stay new for long)

Sitting back in a Weight Watchers meeting I was happy to be facing the music. Again. I’d been snacking to the point of my clothes being too tight and frankly I can’t afford new clothes so I’m out of options.

There was a brand new leader on Tuesday, eager and peppy. At first, I thought she might be a little too enthusiastic, but as I listened to her talk I decided I was really ready to commit. She was all about challenges; she had some vegetable challenge where you were supposed to have more than half your plate full of vegetables, and apparently the week before she had a “try-a-new-vegetable-challenge” and now she was issuing an exercise challenge. I was up for it, but as I sat quietly lost in thought I drifted back to why I’d stopped walking a year ago, the cougar episode. I was afraid of the big cats, but now I had true motivation, competition. Awesomez had joined Weight Watcher’s too and now we had a contest. Something akin to the biggest loser, and there is nothing like a contest to get me going.

Determined, I took the 50.00 bill Awesomez had hidden in my wallet and bought a decent pair of walking shoes. I laced up the next morning with my new walking coach, Henry who donned his bicycle helmet and accompanied me. We went early in the cool of the morning.  I felt smug as I toasted my two point multi-grain English muffin smearing two points of creamy peanut butter on top while I sipped my coffee fresh from the glow of my walk.

The next day, my “coach” was too tired and the bum slept in, so Vivian and I went it alone. Walking along, I noticed some poop in the middle of the road. Curious I studied it. It was big enough and it was filled with hair, I suspected it was cougar scat but knew it was far fetched we hadn’t seen cougar in a long time and what were the odds it would poop in the middle of the road. The scat was still fresh with urine puddled, I didn’t want my imagination to carry me away, but nonetheless it’s not what you want to see as you try and walk off a couple of chocolate meringues from Trader Joes™. I would research the specimen later and identify the culprit. Vivian had a completely different attitude; she walked up squatted and confidently peed right over it. Her confidence gave me confidence and I walked on accompanied by my canine bodyguard.

(Clearly cougar scat - this picture taken some time later when I came back in my car)

(a wider view)

On my third walk, Amy and my “coach” both came with me, Vivian and Irish. We chatted and laughed and probably didn’t walk as fast or as far as we should have, but I got my heart rate up.

Walk number four was Phoebe, Quinn and Henry on his bicycle with my constant walking companions Vivian, and Irish. The canine bullet, Rat-Bat (Bruno) somehow escaped the house, squeezed under the fence and found us half a mile away.

“Look that’s the cougar scat my mom saw the other day”.

“Why would a cougar go in the middle of the road?” Phoebe asked.

“Well, there were four things that identify cougar scat. First it should be as big as a large dog. Check. Two, it should have hair from it’s last kill. Check. Three it should be in segments. Check and double check. And four, the documents say, it’s important to note where the scat is. Cougars like to mark their territory and so they go out in the open usually in the middle of a trail” I explained.

“That’s in the middle of a trail all right,” Phoebe agreed.

Together, we walked faster and farther, but didn’t quite walk as long as I would have liked because I needed to get to work.

(the forest is thick with fern)

This morning, I was down to only Quinn and Henry, who was sick of how hot his helmet made his head and pushing his bicycle up some of the steeper hills decided he would walk. I left Vivian the guard dog home due to limping. We took Irish and started out. The morning was crisp and bright. Sun streamed dreamily through the trees as we marched up the hill determined this time to finally get to the bridge. About three-quarters of a mile into the walk I smelled an overwhelming odor, as pungent as a skunk but not a skunk at all. I looked around wondering what the smell was.

“Do you smell that?” I asked.

“No. I don’t smell anything” Quinn answered keeping stride.

“I smell a really strong smell. It reminds me of ‘Harry and the Henderson’s. You know, they say Sasquatch smells really strong and that’s how you know it’s there”.

“I remember that movie,” Quinn said. “We saw it with Tom and Wayne I think”.

“You know, there are more Sasquatch sightings on the 9 than just about anywhere. The guys from the city who were out here last week said they weren’t going to rule out Sasquatch in a forest this size. And besides, it’s the non-believer who gets it in the end” I said through my huffing and puffing. “Or the annoying, squirrely kid on the bike”.

“Good thing I don’t have my bike, “ Henry smiled.

“Neese you kind of sound like a warthog when you’re walking and talking” Quinn so kindly informed me. Just then, we heard a huge rustle in the bushes and we could see the foliage moving.

“That’s big enough to be an elk,” I said thinking back to that fateful day last summer when I’d said just about the same thing. We walked on.

“Didn’t Kristi, the girl who used to live here, see a Sasquatch?” Quinn asked.

“Well, she saw something. She was lost one night in the late fall and something about the size of a black bear went in front of her car. She stopped and it looked at her, but she couldn’t identify it. It really freaked her out”.

“She said it kind of had the face of a monkey” Henry interjected.

“She didn’t want anyone to think she was a kook, so she never really told anyone else, but it was near the Strand Road on the 9” I snorted. We heard another break of a branch in the bushes. It wasn’t as loud as before but seemed just behind us. We turned to look but didn’t see anything.

“I smell the smell you were talking about” Quinn said sniffing the air.

“Me too. Ugh it’s horrible. Maybe it is a Sasquatch” Henry laughed.

“Yeah, maybe it’s tracking us right now. Maybe we’re being followed by Harry, he left the Henderson’s. Or we think we’re being followed by a Sasquatch and a cougar will jump out of the bushes” she laughed too.

“Of course, we’re going to see a Sasquatch, I didn’t bring my camera” I added as I quickened our pace.

The conversation wound around to aliens, the Egyptians, alternate Universes, Loch Ness and unexplored regions of our oceans. We discussed cave drawings and giant squid, the cruelty of man and science and our inability as a species to allow others to co-exist. Quinn wished we’d see Sasquatch and could give him refuge on the farm. “He could eat blueberries and we’d be friends with him, but we wouldn’t tell anyone” she said wistfully.

“Yeah right, look at the Giant Squid it was dead after just one day, you’d think they’d learn” Henry said as we reached the bridge. “They can’t leave well enough alone”. We looked around a bit taking stock of what had been done. The place was deserted which seemed strange for a work day, but no wonder they’d scheduled almost a year if they’re not going to be working on the renovations consistently.

“This is just about two miles, it’s getting hot so let’s get going,” I said as Henry turned the happy-to-be-on-walk Irish around. I thought of Vivian probably moping at home sitting on my bed thinking she’d been replaced.

We walked a long easily as Quinn pondered if Kristi had actually seen Sasquatch. “Then according to Kristi, a Sasquatch doesn’t have to be that big. Now maybe she saw a baby, who knows. People probably exaggerate,“ Quinn surmised.

“Like when they almost catch a fish,” Henry concurred.  And so Quinn and Henry concluded a colony of Sasquatch possibly the size of Henry could easily remain undetected in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. I had no argument to the contrary.

We walked at a fairly quick pace going up and down the hills and around the turns. We saw a smashed snake on the road and a few beer cans in the underbrush and I was wondering if the pack of Spirit’s on the side of the road were purchased at the Everybody’s’ Store, when I heard the low guttural roar of a lion. It wasn’t a loud roar like at the beginning of an MGM film, but it was unmistakable nonetheless. There’s nothing like a lion’s roar to make you realize you’re not necessarily at the top of the food chain. I looked over my shoulder searching the brush realizing the smell had been Karen, the cougar, not Harry. Quinn saw me look and went white.

“I was hoping that was your stomach,” she said with a look of terror in her eyes.

“You heard it”.

“Yes I heard it”.

            “Heard what?” Henry asked as he and Irish bounced along unaware a cougar was stalking us.

“We just heard a lion growl, didn’t you?” Quinn asked.

“No, I didn’t all I could hear was Irish panting” he said.

“Well, it wasn’t a loud I’m-going-to-pounce-on you-growl it was a-I’m-right-here-and-I’d-like-you-to-leave-right-now-growl” Quinn informed him sternly.

“No one panic. No yelling, no running. A cougar can cover up to 30 feet in one bound so there’s not a chance of out running them. They’re ambush predators so I’m going to just keep looking back and making sure we’re ok. Just keep walking at the same pace. They don’t want a fight. I just hope we don’t look like walking Land jaegers,” I said trying to make light of the situation.

“Maybe it was a bear,” Henry suggested.

“Well, I’d rather face a bear because at least I wouldn’t be a primary food source. They’re not carnivores. We can check the sound when we get home, but I don’t think so,” I said fairly certain.

“Notice it’s right near the scat we saw earlier” Henry pointed out. That meant we had three-quarters of a mile yet to go and I’d forgotten the air horn. How could I be so careless? Why wasn’t Irish reaching? I wondered if he had doggie ADHD. I wished I’d brought Deli. Then thanked my lucky stars I hadn’t brought Vivian, she wouldn’t have been so calm and probably would have gotten herself or us killed.

“Mama, at least you can say you got your heart rate up,” Henry said with a giggle.

“Henry! You don’t seem to be taking this seriously!” Quinn said exasperated.

(home again, home again)

When we got home we immediately started researching cougar. Playing every cougar audio clip we could find until we found a match. “It says here it might be a female in heat and that’s why she smells so strong right now,” Quinn read to us.

(Play cougar sound)

“I didn’t even know cougar smelled, but I’ll never forget it,” Henry said.

“Me either, I can’t believe we were close enough to smell her. I mean how close do you think that is? How far do you suppose we were? You didn’t smell them the other two times you saw them did you?”

“No I didn’t”

“Do you think maybe a couple of yards? I read about a guy who smelled a bear and he was only six feet away. Do you think we were that close?” Quinn asked wanting answers.

“I just don’t know,” I said, uneasy thinking about how close we’d been to such a frightening but magnificent animal.

I called Tom and relayed the events of the morning playing him the sounds we’d found on the Internet. When I hung up, Quinn asked, “What did Tom say when you told him?”

“Get a treadmill".

July 20th Blood Sweat & Tears

(Nick loved his bloody eye- a result of  of something like sneezing or who knows what)

    The laundry room reeked and for once it wasn’t Henry’s socks. The little chickens and turkeys had a big smell. What’s more they were stuffed in what was once a roomy container. However, they were still too small for the chicken coop. Still babies, they needed to stay warm and protected. What they needed was a playpen. So, Tom built them one. It’s a cozy little area in a corner of the coop where they can stay for awhile.

(The new digs)

 

(Phoebe and Carly transport the chicks in stages)

(Henry helps out)

(chick, chick, chickie - Michael- does a moonwalk )
(ready!)

(The turkeys arrive first)

(Tom demonstrates the fancy hatch and latch combination)

(the orange-socked kid and Michael - Jackson or Learned)

(Chicken George? No that's farm boy Henry)

(Phoebe and Henry in the temporary coop)

    In a very short time, it became apparent from their obsessive desire to climb on the kids that the chickens were going to need a roost and so Tom built one. He took a branch from the burn pile and voila, a roost any chicken or turkey would love.

(They love their roost)

(the branch roost)

    Nick, recuperating from his bloody eye, and Lindsey exhausted from painting her nails. They both  relaxed throughout the day with Luther in front of the TV.

(Lindsey and Lu)

(Nick and his buddy, Lu-Lu)

(Carly and Miracle commune)

    Meanwhile, Awesomez and I cleaned the barn. Not the just take out the really bad parts cleaning, but a serious down to the mat cleaning. It was hot and dusty and the barn was nasty. At first, I have to admit I was skeptical she would really hang with me through the entire project, but despite the heat and the ammonia smell Awesomez was awesome. She scooped and pitched and shoveled tirelessly sweat dripping off her. I know I kept staring her in disbelief as she shovel scraped the barn floor.

(Awesomez works tirelessly)

(American Go-Go-gothic)

(tractor -girl Awesomez doesn't give up)

(June/Spoon always having fun)


(It's all about the chicken coop)

(Bruno and Tom)

    The next morning, after a stream of hugs and tears and promises to return June, Carly and Tom away drove away in the Hummer. The house suddenly seemed quiet, and I was grateful I still had Awesomez for a few more days. We set to work again cleaning up. Having lots of people around the house is great, but, Mary and Joseph, there is a lot of laundry and even more dishes.

(Exhausted - we take a Luther-type nap with Bruno in the game room)

    The next couple of days were filled with long talks about our mothers, Lisa’s mother had just very recently passed away, and ideas about the future. Should she move from Mammoth, can she move from Mammoth? And get rich quick schemes to save the farm. And then the alarm rang at 4:00AM and the party was over time to leave for the airport.

    Nick walked in the airport without a glance over his shoulder. Lindsey and I hugged good-bye. A rare moment as I am not a hugger, but I’d put her through her paces and she’d even endured the “teacher-glare”.

(5:00AM at bustling Bellingham International)

    “You’re welcome to come back, but I think you should come for three weeks without your mother and I’m removing the phones so you can’t call for help”.

    “Linds, I’d be scared for you” Awesomez said with a nervous laugh.

    “I could do it, maybe for Christmas I have two weeks off”.

    “I don’t know, your mother wouldn’t be able to save you,” I said with a maniacal laugh.

    “I could do it” she said her confidence shaky.

    “Really?” Quinn said in disbelief. “Denise without your mom? That means hardly any TV, barely and barely any Internet”.

    “But I like making pumpkin pies and ice cream and stuff” Lindsey tried.

    “You’d have to work” Quinn reminded her.

    “Not all the time” I countered.

(Quinn and Lindsey say good-bye - Quinn is four months younger)

    After the airport, I dropped Quinn off at home and drove back to my house to change clothes and get ready for work. I made another pot of coffee, fed the dogs, let the animals out of the barn, made Henry’s list of chores and woke him up for waffles.

    “It feels so quiet. Is it just us?”

    “Yep, sorry”

    “No, I didn’t mean that, it’s just been so long since it’s just been the two of us. Maybe a month, well more 'cause we had Alexis and before that Wayne it’s been like a year and before that Mike was here”.

    “I know and now I’m off to work, you’ll be alone. I’ve got an eight-hour shift today. You can watch TV and relax after you do your chores. And remember, you can call me if you need me”

    “I will.” Henry said as he shut the gate behind me and ran back up to the house.
The day dragged, the store was hot and I was sleepy from the early morning airport run and was feeling the let down from everyone leaving when Henry called.

    “Mama?”

    “Yes Honey, what is it?”

    “Well, the man called about Sir Edward”

    “What?”

    “The man who has cancer, he wants to bring Sir Edward over tonight. He said he talked to dad a couple of days ago”.

    “Yeah he did” Tom had told me the guy had come by the other day and was pretty urgent. He’d said he’d heard from his neighbor we’d said we’d consider taking him last winter and wanted to know if we were serious. He was out of hay. “Hey, did you know Sir Edward is a retired racehorse? Tom had asked.

    “No. Really? Well that means he can be ridden.” Tom had said yes without a thought to the cost or food or vet care or anything.

    “Why do you want to do something different?” He’d asked me.

    “Oh right, I’m going to deny a dying man peace. Seriously” I’d said.

    “Exactly” He’d countered.

    “Henry they said tonight? Wow. I guess we’ll put him in the paddock behind the barn for now” I said my mind spinning. A horse, we’re getting a horse.  “Hen, I’ll call you back. I’m going to call him now. I’ll call you back”. I dialed the number.

     “Hello?”

    “Hi, this is Denise I’m calling about Sir Edward” I said gently.

    “Oh yeah, well look my ole man’s not here right now, but we got some friends said they’d come by here pick up Sir Edward and then drop him by your place”.

    “Well, that’s OK, but um I don’t get off until 8:00PM” I explained thinking this was clearly too late.

    “Nahh, I know that you’re boy told me. That’s OK he’ll be there when you get home. Now I can’t talk about this anymore, I’m losing my baby” she said dissolving into tears as I hung up.

    Since there were three of us closing the store, I asked Chayse and Ben if they minded if I took off a few minutes early to get home before the people delivered the horse. I didn’t want Henry having to deal with accepting the horse with a bunch of strangers all by himself. I wasn’t even sure the paddock was the right place for the horse. But Sir Edward was already in the paddock when I pulled up. Miracle was not happy. She was raising her head as high as she could and prancing around trying to look taller and Henry was hovering nearby looking uncomfortable. I saw a man walking toward me with his hand extended.

    “You must be Denise”

    “Nice to meet you” I said somewhat overwhelmed.

    “Well I got Sir Edward settled in and left his brushes, fly spray, lead ropes and blanket over here on your porch” he pointed. “He doesn’t like it when you spray the fly spray near his face, so put it on his fly mask before you put it on him” he explained. I nodded.

    “OK” I said, “I will”. I stood there looking at him without words. Suddenly we had a horse and this man before me was dying. I wanted to give him peace, but I was nervous about this whole thing. A horse is a lot of responsibility and potential expense, but I was doing it anyway.

    “I was thinking I might take part of the barn-type area where we keep our tractor and make it into a stall for him”.

    “Oh he’d like that, but he’s used to being outside. He’s just had a cedar tree as shelter all winter so he’ll like that fine”.

    “Good” was all I managed to eek out.

    “He’s confused now with me leaving him here, but he’ll settle down, it’s been a long day” he said showing his fatigue. “I’ve got to go, my ole lady’s at home crying her eyes out”.

    “Well, it’s better he comes here than he’s dead. She should be happy about that” Henry said without thinking. The poor woman was losing both her companions. I elbowed Henry in the side. Hard.

    “Don’t worry, we’ll take really good care of him and of course she’s always welcome t come visit him,” I said.

    “Well, I gotta go, be good to him” he said and walked to the truck parked outside my gate.

    Henry looked at me, “We have a horse!”

    “We have a horse,” I said.

(Thoroughbred - Sir Edward of Mosquito Lake Road - courtesy of Amy - www.psychophotography.net )

July 16th Without A Paddle

   

(Deli - proof only mad dogs and Englishmen)

    It was one of those still mornings when you can feel the heat on your skin and you just know the day is going to be hellish hot. As part of our fun activities we had planned to go whale watching and spend a gloriously sunny day relaxing on a boat cruising the stunning San Juans looking for orca. Unfortunately, on the only day the cruise ran, I had to work and I mean I had to work. Jeff was expecting a slew of travel writers on Friday who were doing a press junket and they wanted to feature the Everybody’s Store. He needed all hands on deck.

    As a fallback, June, Awesomez and I decided to take the kids tubing down the Nooksack River with my sister. Tom although an enthusiastic tuber, decided a man’s place was in the chicken coop close to his Skilsaw™ and opted-out as he wanted to build another door before he his time was up and he had to return to real life in California.

(Pea almost always working)

    In preparation for the trip Henry counted tubes, while Quinn counted life jackets. The river is only inches deep in some places, but my sister and I are fiercely safety conscious, subscribing to the belief that if someone gets in trouble, you can’t help them if you’re exhausted. And there’s always the possibility you could hit your head. This seems nuts to most and hardly a tuber is seen with a life jacket, and it’s often a battle to get some adults to wear their life preserver. Awesomez was no exception. I got the whole I-used-to-swim-competitively-speech in Wal-Mart as I grabbed a couple of little life vests to stuff Lindsey and Henry in.

    Outside The Acme General Store Henry inflated the tubes and the rest of the kids lounged on a bench in the shade. In a group our size everything takes longer, getting snacks, sunglasses, shoes, sunscreen and towels in the right tube, on the right person or situated in the right car. Awesomez and I went and deposited the my sister’s van on Strand Road, only a couple of miles away, but about a three hour float.
It was getting later than I liked. We were putting in at almost 3:45PM, but it was hot, hot, hot and we’d be done by 7:00PM so I didn’t really worry, as it doesn’t get dark until 9:30PM or so.

    “Lisa, I don’t need one if we don’t have enough” Awesomez offered.

    “Lisa, this isn’t a swimming pool there are obstacles and things that can happen” my sister said unyielding. “We have enough life jackets as, Tom isn’t here,” she stated as we trudged down to the riverbank. I smiled to myself as I noticed Awesomez’ lifejacket wasn’t fastened. Knowing her rebellious nature and the fact that she's my big sister, I didn’t push her, at least she had it on. I considered that a win.

(June, Carly and Quinn ready for fun)

(Lindsey not so sure)

(Nickie ready to tube!)

(Henry walking to the river)

(Henry posing a chip off the old Robert's block- thank God)

(Carly getting in her tube)

    From the moment we got in the river June transformed into a bubbly Esther Williams. She paddled and splashed laughed and twirled her tube singing a happy song. While Lindsey on the other hand, did not meet Old Man River with the same excitement. She was in a snit from the moment her toes touched the alpine stream. She sat there in the middle of her tube motionless pouting.

(starting out - note my bar on the far right - )

    “I can’t do it. I’m not big enough,” she complained. June looked at me and rolled her eyes.

    “Linds, you're thirteen, Phoebe is eight, and shorter than you, she’s doing it. C’mon you’re a swimmer” I called over my shoulder as the current took me and the floating bar tethered to my tube merrily along.

    “I can’t!” She screamed in a voice that set my teeth on edge.

    “Then roll over on your tummy and kick,” I suggested.

    “Yeah, roll over Lily-Pop and kick” June chimed as she bounced along.

    “I can’t!” Lindsey screamed again with a scowl on her face. Mama Awesomez took over and, waded back to help Lindsey.

    “Just don’t talk to her,” Awesomez suggested as she splashed by. I gladly complied remembering my early angst ridden teen years where everything was horrible and no one understood me, including myself.
The rest of the floaters, Henry, Nick, Quinn, Phoebe, Carly and Lisa were scattered about the river laughter streaming behind them like ribbons in the water.  June had gotten out of her tube to blow it up and accidently let a good deal of air out. The opening was quite large and needed a conical shaped adapter to inflate it. She was stuck. Now she stood there in the middle of the river with a saggy tube.
“It’s OK I can still float on it” She said trying to make the best of it, but gone was the lilt in her cheery voice. I grabbed the tube folded the plastic back and began to blow, and blow and blow and blow. I wanted Esther Williams back.

    When the tube was properly inflated June simply looked at me and said “Impressive” followed by a few giggles and well, OK there were a few other comments, I will leave up to the gentle reader’s imagination. Anyway during this time my sister had gone around a bend in the river and gotten stuck on a downed tree jutting out horizontally across the water, half the branches were sticking up out of the water and the other half poking down into the river. She tried giving the thumbs down signal to the rest of the group to avoid this turn by getting out and walking around. Lindsey was the only one who saw the signal and got out. I did not. And got stuck, but was able to free the mini bar and myself without spilling a drink. Awesomez did not see the signal either and followed me a bit distracted by Lindsey, wondering why her child was now exiting the river after she’d just gotten her going.

    A novice tuber Awesomez had little control of her tube initially andgot trapped under the tree. Struggling against the current to right herself as her asthma medication floated away. Awesomez who has serious asthma never goes anywhere, anywhere with out her inhaler. Trying to stay calm in light of the life threatening loss she pulled herself up just righting herself in time to see June and Phoebe who were now clipped together with a rope coming tumbling toward her. Seeing the rope knowing there was nothing she could do, she braced herself for the hit, she went down again. Exhausted and with out her shoes on she was beginning to get in trouble, when she was hit again by Quinn and then some guy, and then a blond woman with a pony tail who I could hear say callously “Don’t worry you didn’t hurt me” to Awesomez after she pushed her back into the tree once again. During this time by the grace of God, Phoebe found Awesomez’ medication.

    “The pack just floated right up to my foot and I grabbed it,” she explained with her sunshine smile.

    "The river giveth what the river taketh away" I said as she gave it to me. I beached my rig making my way back to the tree. When I got there a scared and exhausted Awesomez was struggling to keep her composure. She was caught under the tree again and trying to maintain her breathing. Quinn was wrapped around her and unsure how to get herself out.

    Nick worried too about his mother was right behind me. I climbed the tree and made my way over to the struggling pair while Nick was on the bank not far away. Quinn was still sitting in her tube, but Awesomez was barely above water caught on a branch of the tree.

    “Quinnie! Look at me! Put your feet above your head on the tree so you’re sitting in a “V’ then I’ll pull you out of the water and you can stand here on the tree. OK?”

    “Niece, I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough,” she sounded panicky.

    “No. You don’t have to, I’ll pull you, just put your feet there and hold on wrist to wrist so we don’t slip, just like your mother and I taught you we did in vaulting”.

    “I’ll try,” she said feebly. Putting her feet up. I grabbed my sister’s child with all my strength and up that oversized beanpole came.

    “Now, jump off the tree into that spot right there where it’s deep and Nick will help you get to the edge Right Nick?”

    “Right” Nick responded dutifully. “Over here Quinn” he encouraged retrieving her tube I’d already tossed. Splash! In she went. One down.
Now for Awesomez. “Lisie, I’m going to get you out.”

    “I’m hurt and I’m so tired and my inhaler is gone,” she told me so I’d know the whole picture.

    “No, Phoebe found your inhaler and shoes down stream so we have them don’t worry” I said gently trying to reassure her.

    “People keep hitting me, June and Phoebe and this rope. I went over the rope and under the tree,” she said looking exhausted and depleted.

    “I know I could see from where I was, that’s why I’m here. Who thought I’d be helping you” I tried t make light of the situation. “Now I want you to do just like Quinn did. I’ll pull you up”

    “I’m too far below you, I can’t even reach your hand. I’m going to have to get up on one of these branches,” she said and I agreed, as she was all but submerged and tangled in a mass of branches. Watching her I could see the fear in her eyes, slowly and carefully she pulled herself up onto a branch just beneath the surface of the water, once there I was able to get her to the top of the tree.

    “Now you’re going to have to jump back into the water,” I commanded authoritatively.

    “What? I don’t want to” she resisted.

    “You have to, it’s the only way. You’ll be all right, Nick’s there he’ll help you”.

    “I’m here Mama” Nick assured her.

    “OK Son” she called back, “but I’m not jumping. Can’t I just lower myself in?”

    “Sure, but I think you might hit more branches and it’ll take more strength. You look exhausted,” I said.

    “I am,” she returned as she sank into the water again.

    That disaster behind us we regrouped on the banks of the river. Awesomez depleted both physically and emotionally sat in her tube quietly for most of the afternoon.

    “Awesomez, you look dead” Carly was heard to say each and every time she floated by Awesomez.
“Really, you look dead. Did you really go over the rope and under the tree?” She’d ask in naïve amazement, forcing a reluctant Awesomez relive the ordeal over and over again.

    The rest of the afternoon went on mostly without incident except for the Phoebe ordeal. Phoebe after rescuing the inhaler got in trouble again with the rope clipping her to June. June went around a rock and fell out of her tube while Phoebe and the rest of the rope could not. Phoebe now stuck in deep water alone couldn’t un-hook the clip and Lisa was some distance away while I was still helping Awesomez. Henry seeing Phoebe was in trouble leapt from his tube and swam against the current pulling himself hand over hand on the rope until he reached his cousin. He couldn’t unclip the tube either, but stayed with Pheebes comforting her until Lisa could get there. Phoebe was beyond grateful to her hero, Henry.

(Nick floatin' along)

(Henry enjoying the float)

(Lisa relaxing)

(Our happy tubers on the Nooksack with Mt. Baker in the distance)

    We now bounced along singing and chatting. June sporting her floppy hat was enjoying herself so much Carly asked her on more than one occasion if she was drunk.

    “No I’m not drunk silly, I’m just carefree and having a gosh darn good time as river-rat Barbie” June explained to her niece who usually sees her dressed to the nines full of responsibility with her big job. Just then we heard a scream.

    “Was that laughing or crying?” I wondered aloud.

    “I think it was laughing,” June guessed and floated on. I didn’t think so. It was Quinn and she was with Awesomez.  If there ever was a pair destined for trouble it was them, “Klutz and Klutzier”. Too far downstream to help, I waited and watched from a distance.

     Quinn had veered to the left and gotten stuck on another tree. Tumbling out of her tube she was then caught on and scraped by an unseen branch causing her to scream bloody murder. Seeing the fear emblazoned on Quinn’s face Awesomez reflexively jumped out of her tube, and went to rescue Quinn from the treacherous branches below the surface - thanks to help of her life jacket they both made it out in a relatively short time. From their faces, I’m not sure who was more frightened, but somehow they managed escaping a little worse for wear.

    While Quinn and Awesomez seemed to be riding the rapids from hell, the rest of us floated merrily along. Phoebe and June navigated the twists and turns relatively carefree and Lindsey bobbled about enjoying the ride. Nick and Henry were in their own boy world talking about who knows what, but having fun nonetheless. I sipped my libation and scooted betwixt and between them all serving up refreshments when the mood struck me. When you’re the bartender, everyone wants to be your friend. Although, I could hear a parched Awesomez hollering “You’re the worst bartender ever!” from way upstream at me because I wasn't attending to the stragglers. She was laying like something dead in her tube according to Carly.

(Lindsey Rose and June)

(Quinn floating by)

(Nick and Mama Awesomez)

    The sun began to wan as we continued to float and suddenly it seemed to be getting a lot cooler which is what I’d been afraid putting in so late. We kept looking for the beach at Strand Road, but with the extreme weather last winter and now the extreme heat lowering the water levels everything looked a lot different. I realized I should have walked down to the banks and looked for some kind of marker like I did last year with Tom, but in my haste to get everyone going I hadn’t. I was kicking myself now as the kids started ask “how much longer?” I really didn’t know the answer. I didn’t have my watch on. We kept stopping and looking then continuing on. We’d seen some floaters earlier who said they were going to the bridge, but that was all the way at Potter Road by the Everybody’s Store and we weren’t going that far that was about a five hour float.

    The light was sinking fast and we were now the only ones on the river. I knew we were lost. June still enjoying herself kept singing “…set sail that day for a three hour tour, a three hour tour. The weather started getting rough…” and Henry’s lips were eggplant and he was shivering like a Chihuahua. Of all people, Lindsey turned out to be a real trooper and kept on going without a word. Awesomez was done before she started and was just enduring the experience, Quinn was over the whole thing and my sister and I were feeling the strain of responsibility. Exchanging knowing looks as we eyed the banks. We figured, worst-case scenario we’d climb the banks and plow through someone’s cornfield. As the last of the light slipped from the sky we came around a bend in the river to reveal a bridge.

    “A bridge, the bridge! We’re here!” Nick cried and everyone was relieved, except Lisa and me.
“Bridge? There is no bridge at Strand Road” I said softly.

    “I don’t remember one either” she said. 

"That's because there isn't  one" I said.

(The bridge)

 Cold and hungry we all got out of our tubes and began looking for a way up. Awesomez and my sister trekked through a narrow passage with a few of the kids and found their way to the bridge first. Nick came back for the rest of us. Once on the bridge, I knew we had gone all the way to Potter Road. By the time we got there Awesomez explained they’d hailed down a guy in a tie-dyed t-shirt on a Harley and Lisa was now hitching a ride to her van on Strand Road.

    “At least she’s on a motorcycle it’s less likely he’ll stop and kill her,” Henry said hopefully. I hadn’t seen the man and for a moment, fear gripped my heart. Lisa and I have seen our share of evil, but I knew my sister was not a foolish risk taker, so I tried to remain calm, although riding a motorcycle, soaking wet with no protection was scary enough. At least Harley riders had some sense.

    Moments later, the grey-haired motorcycle man pulled up “You must be our Knight in Shining Armor!” I called.

    “Hey there, I think I scared that mama to death, but she’s on her way back with the van” the man said.

    “Where you all from?” He asked.

    “California, Mammoth” Awesomez responded.

    “Well, you’re no city girl” he answered back.

    “Bellingham” Quinn answered and he nodded.

    “Mosquito Lake Road,” I said, “I work at the Everybody’s Store,” I added.

    “I’m Jim Abernathy”

    “Oh my gosh! Jim Abernathy! I’ve read you’re flyers, you’re heading up all the local meetings about the thefts recently aren’t you?”

    “Yeah, that’s me. I’ve known Jeff a long time but I sure as hell wouldn’t work for him,” he said with a smile.  I smiled at this.

    “Amy makes it easy” I said and he smiled knowingly. We spent the next few minutes thanking our hero for taking the time to stop.

(The rescue! Carly, Lindsey, Awesomez, Lisa. Jim Abernathy, Quinn, Phoebe, June and Nick)

    When we finally got home a worried Tom had the Hummer keys in hand and was just about to go look for us. Wonderfully, he’d barbecued his spectacular tri-tip ready which had been ready for over an hour, baked potatoes were in the oven and watermelon sat on the counter cutup and ready to eat. Descending on the food like vultures no one spoke until the food was completely gone.

    “Now Denise, I’m going to need that nice Jim Abernathy’s address so I can send him a proper thank you note for rescuing us” June chirped as she poured Awesomez another medicinal glass of Pinot to soothe her injuries. “I had such a good time today” she cooed.

    “I know, you really did” Awesomez said trying to smile through her obvious pain. Her blood red and purple bruises now quite visible, “It was fun to watch you like that again”.

    “I felt so free” June agreed.

    “I thought she was drunk and you were dead,” Carly said completely deadpan again.

    “Well, if everything had gone as planned it wouldn’t have been such an adventure” Quinn said. That's my girl.

July 15th It Happened One Night

  

(Henry the romantic)

    Everyone was around the island in the kitchen: Tom, June, Awesomez, Carly, Amy, Henry, Lindsey and me. We were fixing food and chatting when I realized I’d barely spoken to Henry about his time away.

    “So Hen how was camp? I’ve barely heard a word about it.”

    “It was good” Henry said flatly.

    “It was good? That’s it? You’re kidding right?”

    “Well, I met some fun guys and we played truth or dare. Brett McClure the Silver Medalist was my coach. I learned how to do a back whip. Oh and Brett tagged me as a hard worker and sportsman, which means I’m invited to go to a special week of camp, but I know I probably can’t”.

(Henry playing Truth or Dare - wondering why he picked the dare-)

(Jayden)

(Dylan)

(Trevor)

  (Henry and Olympic Silver Medalist, Brett McClure)

(Woodward West Week 5 - Henry is the third from the left and does a floor pass at about 54 seconds - Brett McClure does his break dancing at 1:09)




    “Wow! I am so proud of you”.

    “Tell your mother about your girlfriend” Tom insisted.

    “Yes tell her about sushi” June laughed almost maniacally.

    “Susha!” Henry yelled “Not sushi!”

    "Tell her about sushi and the tree!” June urged.

    "Susha! not SUSHI!!" Henry hysterically corrected June as she winked from across the room This had obviously been going on some time.

    “What? Tell me” I asked as everyone gathered around.

    “Well, there was this girl” Henry slurred.

    "Sushi" June interjected with glee.

    "Susha!" Henry corrected again.

    "Is she Japanese?" I asked

    "No she's Russian, but she lives near San Francisco"

    “A camp romance? Hmm” I said delighted to finally be past Kanesha.

    Tom sidled up beside me and leaned in. Under his breath I could hear, “those old movies seem to be paying off big time”.

    “Well, yeah. See she liked me and her friends came to me without her permission and told me that she wanted to go to the dance with me. She heard about what they said to me and on the day of the dance she locked herself in the bathroom. So I climbed up a tree, crawled on a branch until I got close enough to the window to talk to her and told her I wanted to go to the dance with her” Henry explained.

    “So what did she say?” I had to know as if I didn’t already.

    “She said yes. Duh. Her friends got all gooey when I did that”

    "No one ever climbed a tree for me" June moaned.

    "Or me" Awesomez concurred.

    "Me either" Amy complained as I thought about all the insane things Tom has done for me. Henry has a long way to go to catch up with his father who flew half way across the country for dinner on the anniversary of my assault - just so I wouldn't be alone, but I kept that to myself for now.

("The winter is cold for those with no warm mem'ries" - An Affair to Remember - Debra Kerr)

    “Was the dance fun?”

    “Uhh, we didn’t go”

    “You didn’t go? After all of that?” June couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t heard that part.

    “We walked around camp instead and talked. Her favorite color is blue and her birthday is three days after Christmas. Her friends hid in the bushes and stalked us. Susha went over and punched one of them which I really liked,” Henry concluded as he went off to watch some stupid episode of “Family Guy”.

    “Pure Clark Gable.” I said to Tom.

(It Happened One Night)

    “ Not Jimmy Stewart?”

    “Nahh, he’d have fallen out of the tree, same with Cary Grant”.

July 14th In The Miller-tary

   

(now named "Bucket"-by Awesomez - this little turkey-lurkey sits on top of his water bucket)

(Cleaning out the laundry room - lining the bottom of the chicken/turkey cage)

    Nothing inspires a reluctant housekeeper more than the promise of a houseful of guests. I cleaned and scoured for the first wave of arrivals. A bit worried about the sleeping arrangements as I’d really thought I could get the second guest room ship shape before they came, but alas that was not to be. Every time I had a spare moment, some other catastrophe happened, from the pond on down. I didn’t even get the porch finished, but no matter, I have two capable fold out sofas.

(the babies in a temporary plastic drawer while I clean out their first home)

    Lisa Gomez also known as, Awesomez, and her children Nick and Lindsey were coming for a two-week family farm vacation. Awesomez has always been known as a tough athlete. She was the quarterback, the point guard or whatever we needed her to be in college. A little known fact about Awesomez (aka Go-Go) is that she’s really quite fragile bordering on wimpy. Oh sure, she's skilled. She could throw the winning throw or hit the hit that would win the game, and probably still can, but she was never as strong as little ole’ can’t-throw-a-softball-me.  Poor medal winning thing, she’s a wreck with asthma and accident-prone beyond belief. I prepared my home, trying to remove any glaring obstacles and every single pet hair. A feat of Herculean proportion in a house with five dogs and three cats, but not impossible if you come from German ancestry and drink a lot of coffee.

    I didn’t get the sheets on the beds before I had to pick them up at the airport, and thought although kind of weak and sickly, Awesomez is not at all persnickety. I had ‘til Sunday before my self-professed “Ava Gabor” college roommate, June, and her niece descended with Tom and Henry, but when I jumped in my car I knew even benevolent Awesomez couldn’t handle this kind of mess. I quickly drove to the shop and unloaded all the Christmas decorations I’d stored as well as sundry other things I’d put in the back while cleaning out the garage.

    Awesomez arrived buying groceries at the market and ready to take care of everybody, as is her nature. Gone is her reckless, brazen side and although she’s still a fierce competitor, now she’s a kinder, gentler Gomez, a maternal Awesomez making sandwiches and waiting on her kids hand and foot, a real old fashioned Harriet Nelson with a tan and a margarita.

    Funny how things work out, I thought Lindsey would take to the farm like a fish to water and I was a little worried about Nick. Being fifteen and a half and I wasn’t sure there would be enough to keep him occupied. “Two weeks? My whole summer’s going to be gone!” he complained upon arrival. Nick surprised everyone including himself taking to the farm like a goat to blackberries. He learned to work the tractor and began hauling logs to clear the fence line. He’d be outside for hours, returning covered in sweat and dust for a glass of something cold just to head out again. Lindsey, thirteen and a serious girlie-girl princess-type, was not eager to join in. She was not so thrilled with the various animal droppings dotting the premises nor the butterflies nor the barn swallows or the work. She needed her rest. After some coaxing, goading and coercion she became my barn assistant extraordinaire. In no time she was herding goats and sheep while cooing to Miracle and feeding her four-legged friends barn cookies.

  (Nick takes to beekeeping in Henry's absence)

(Nick feeds Miracle - ala Green Acres - all we're missing is a pig named Arnold)

(Lindsey is not thrilled)

(Lindsey snaps to- if only my father was here to play Reveillee)

    On Friday, we went with Amy to the Bull-A-Rama in Sumas and saw Little Chris Donaldson go 8.25 seconds, milk a wild cow and win $1500.00. It was nothing less than spectacular and I felt so completely proud of Little Chris. Although I worry he won't be able to get out of bed when he's forty.

    Saturday Quinn arrived to hang with the kids; Awesomez drove me to work at the Everybody’s Store in my mobile barn and then cleaned the house again in preparation for June’s arrival. I couldn’t believe my eyes when she picked me up in my now immaculate Odyssey. I felt loved. Or was I being criticized? I decided not to care on the advice of my friend, Cynthia Lynn who gave me a stern talking to about learning to accept gifts of kindness from my friends.

(Awesomez, Lindsey & Nick's hat)

(Nick caught by surprise)

( Amy's pictures)

(Little Chris! - at least he wears a helmet)

(you can always see his fancy dancy chaps a flyin')

(whooo! hoooo!)

(part of the drill team)

    Sunday, we didn’t have to pick anyone up from the airport because June was going to rent a car. A car? June, her niece, Carly, Tom and Henry rolled in the driveway in a silver Hummer. So L.A. I laughed to myself as Tom had sworn never ever under any circumstances whatsoever to ride in a Hummer. Never say never.  On the way from the airport June had purchased enough groceries and wine for an army, which was good because we were now a group about the size of a battalion.

    Excited but a little apprehensive about being away from it all June and Carly were packing Benedryl™ just in case. They really didn’t have to, Awesomez had plenty for everyone. Carly, who marches to the beat of a different drummer made friends with the animals the moment she stepped out of the Hummer.  June was almost giddy at the idea her cell phone didn’t work out in the middle of nowhere, but wasn’t so crazy about the smell of the baby chickens and turkeys in the laundry room. She embraced the cowbells that kept Awesomez up the first night and jumped in with both feet wearing her spiffy new farm boots. June happily dug very pristine and straight trenches for the chicken coop foundation wearing her diamond earrings.  Having a roomie in college that was 5’12” (as a lady is never 6’) was always handy for reaching out of the way platters, wine glasses and olive oil that’s been put on the top shelf. But June’s vertical prowess was never more impressive than when she started painting the upper chicken coop beams without a ladder.

(June/Spoon and her niece, Carly)



(June in her kitchy boots and digging her trench- not very "County")

(June paints)

 
(Awesomez enjoying the great outdoors)

(Lindsey and Quinn's handiwork - Tom's farm "man"-icure)

(Me and Awesomez carry the cement)

(Awesomez works)

(keeping unwanted predators out)

(Carly brings gravel from the pond under Pea's careful scrutiny)

(Me, Awesomez and Spoon)

(Nick & Quinn in the forest)

(Awesomez in the forest - trying not to trip)

(Nick keeping cougars away with the airhorn)

(Lindsey and Phoebe give Bruno a bath)

(Lisa works tirelessly in my weed filled garden)

(Carly fell in love with Delta Blue)

(All the little beekeepers)

(June and Carly)

    The first night there was a blow out between the girls, Lindsey and Quinn (Phoebe went home and Carly decided to go Switzerland and sleep with June) and the boys, Nick and Henry that started badly and got worse. It was decided earlier in the week that if there were a time of choice or a treat it would be Nick’s pick as he’d been the workhorse with the logs. This didn’t go over so well with the girls, especially Lindsey.

    "But it's not fair Nick's going to always get to choose!" Lindsey said tearfully.

    "No that's not true he just gets this one pick Honey" I reassured her.

    "Yes he is, because you give rewards for work like a dog getting a treat! And I don't do work!" She cried.

    "What? Lindsey, this isn't just the rule at my house this is everywhere, you do work and you get paid."

    "But it's not fair!" she insisted.

This was just one of the kinks you have to expect when you have so many people. We had to have some adjustments of expectations, schedules and parenting-styles and we worked things out as sorority sisters do. We had a meeting. Frustrated, disappointed and a little upset with each other, up to the attic we went where we couldn’t be overheard arguing. Naturally, Awesomez didn't want to attend the meeting and  arrived last pushed the door open with her glass of wine and announced, “OK we have quorum” sending June and me into a peel of giggles that made me feel seventeen again.

    “Oh Gogs you still roll me!” June declared wiping her tears. We prepared a weekly schedule and set the tone for the trip. The troops would do chores in the morning, something fun, and communal dinners where the adults would get loopy from all the glorious wines June provided. There wasn’t just one Pinot; there were a plethora of Pinots and Chiantis and Cabs.

(Tom, Amy, Henry, Nick, Awesomez - in the corner, Carly, June and Lindsey)

    June, a problem solver and world-class diplomat, went out with the girls on a run to town while the rest of us worked around the farm on the chicken coop. As a surprise June/Spoon bought five, count them five air mattresses with air pumps, pillows and matching linens completely transforming the attic into a kind of beautiful barracks – fit for Private Benjamin. Who says money can’t buy happiness?  Or at least a little peace and quiet.

 

June 9th A Sweet Ride

(Beekeeper Henry gets serious -note  bees eye view of Miracle -in the comb- One of Henry's birthday presents -Tom drew and designed)

    I was sitting on the porch when the red truck wound around the curve and pulled into my driveway. “I’ve gotta go, the bee people are here. They said noon and they are spot on,” I told Awesomez.

    “Have a good time with the bees,” she chirped trying to be supportive.

    Mike pulled up in the truck. “Can we drive up the hill to your hive?” he asked.

    “Well, you might be able to,” I answered.

    “I’ve got 4-wheel drive I should be able to,” he mused as he jumped back in the truck. I opened the gate as his wife Donna and I tried to keep the dogs out of the way. Mike raced up the hill when his tires started spinning. He backed down the hill a bit and tried again. This time it looked like the truck was going to tip over.

    “He’s going to flip it,” she said.

    “I’m scared. It really looks like it’s going to tip. Tell him to stop. I can’t look,” I said frightened and thinking the hospital is forty minutes away.

    “Stop Mike!” Donna called.“Stop!” Mike either didn’t’ hear her or completely ignored her and pulled the truck back and tried again and again, and again.

    “There is another way that might be easier to get to from the pond side,” I suggested desperately. And dutifully Donna tried again to convey this information in a loud and resounding voice, which Mike once again completely ignored until he yelling, “Shut up! You’re making too much noise. I can’t!" concentrate!”  Donna walked down the hill toward the porch.

    “If he dies call the police,” she said. “I’ll be over here on the porch with my book, that way if all the hives open I’ll be out of range.”  I couldn’t help but chuckle. Anyone who’s been in a long-standing relationship knows how she feels.

(Donna resigned to waiting)

    “I’ll go help him,” I assured her donning Henry’s bee suit and walking over to start helping Mike carry hives up the hill. It seems he’d come to the realization the truck simply wasn’t going to make it.

    “You have my permission to kill him if it comes to that,” she reassured me as I walked up the hill. “It’s his birthday. I didn’t want to kill him on his birthday.”

(Mike giving up and heading up the hill)

    “The darn thing wouldn’t go into 4-wheel drive. I’ll have to have it looked at,” he lamented while we carried the first hive and set it in place.

    “Happy Birthday! What are these?” I inquired.

    “Uhhh, these girls? I think these are Midnights. Yes, they’re Midnights. They’re gentle, they love the cold and they’re great honey producers,” he said. “This next hive is going to be a problem. The hive opened up and the bees are agitated and everywhere,” he said as Donna walked up. “Can you hold this while I put my gloves on?”

    “I'm not speaking with you Mike. Of the people still speaking to you, that would leave only Denise.  She is keeping the hive  from falling off the truck while you put your gloves on,” Donna said making me smile with her tough talk. Ahhh! Married life.

    When we were alone walking up the hill I mentioned, “My sister says I should really rethink this wanting to live together full time business, in fact, she thinks I’ve got it pretty good having Tom here only part time.”

“She’s right,” Donna confirmed emphatically striding up to help Mike. “You know he’s become even more stubborn since he started the chemo. I hope he goes back to normal when it’s over.”

    “It’s the Cancer he can’t control.”

    “Probably.”

    The heat was intense and Mike is a bit weakened by his chemotherapy, so we took a few rest and ice water breaks as we set up each hive, gave them food and checked to make sure each had an egg laying queen. While we searched I heard the story of how Mike stepped on a package of 13,000 bees and got 157 stings but woke up ok the next morning.

(Mike & Donna examine the hive while Deli assists while Bruno waits at a safe distance)

(A pollen patty - a sort of pre-natal vitamin for the queen - it is put on top of the hive so the nurse bees can feed her- note bite taken out - apparently Deli thought it was tasty too!)

(tools of the trade - bee brush, hive tool, spray bottle for sugar water to calm bees, hammer - just in case, pitcher to fill bee feeders and water just because you might need to rinse something)

    "Dear God! I would have thought you would have gone to the hospital!" I exclaimed.

    "I would have gone to the hospital just from the sheer trauma," Donna agreed.

    “OK, I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be stupid, but I didn’t understand. The other day when you said the queen was laying too many drones. Drones are unfertilized eggs right? How does that point to the end of the hive? Why doesn’t she just mate?” I asked completely confused.

    “She won’t mate with her sons,” Mike explained.

    “I guess those would be the Alabama bees,” I laughed.

    “No. No, those would be the West Virginia bees,” he laughed

(a queen bee right above Mike's thumb - yellowish torpedo body with big round shiny black queen eye)

    “Well, the queen only mates at one time in her life. She goes out on a mating flight and mates as many times as she can. She’ll come back sometimes and go out again and again and till she’s done,” Donna explained.

    “In nature, she does this until she’s ‘full’, but on farms where they ‘catch queens’ they sometimes get the queens too early and then she runs out of sperm in a month or two,” Mike elaborated before giving me a lesson on how to make money - pollinating farmer’s fields and elaborating on all the products that can be produced from a single hive. “You multiply that times a hundred and you’re talking about some money,” Mike explained.

    “You think I could have a hundred hives up here?” I asked dumbfounded.

    “Two hundred,” he said without a blink, “and you’d never know they were here. I have a hundred. You’ve got great forage, sun and plenty of water,” he assured me.

(strange double honeycomb Mike removed from one of Henry's trays)

(Mike putting the strange comb in another tray)

(Vivian in the buttercups just before she got stung and had her Benadryl™)

(Deli escaped the sting)

    Maybe Pea was right. Maybe the bees were going to save us, I thought, as I rushed to pick Henry up from school. I was late getting going because of my fascinating bee conversation. I called Henry on his cell to let him know I was on my way.

    “We got four new hives today. Mike couldn’t bring them all. He’s going to bring the other six in the next couple of days.”

    “Did we get any Midnights?”

    “Two hives.”

    “Did you know The White House has a bee hive now? And did you also know you can make money pollinating fields?” Henry asked.

    “I didn't know the White House had a hive. Aren't we are so very hip. How did you know about the farmers?” I asked.

    “I know things, Mama. I know things,” he giggled.

    “You know from Dan, he told us on the plane didn’t he?”

    “I know about the farmers from my bee book. I know about the bees on the White House lawn from our Mike. Oh and my math and social studies teachers both want jars of honey. Mr. Beatty loves. loves, loves honeycomb.”

    “Beekeeper Mike says we have room for two hundred hives.”

    “That’s a lot of bees to feed,” Henry thought out loud visualizing the chore. "You know a hive can split into three in a year? You know how long it would take to feed that many bees?"

    "You could save for a car,” I suggested.

    “The bee-mobile. I could buzz around in it,” Henry chimed in.

    “You could take your honey in it,” I added.

    Silence.

    Getting no response for my effort I clarified,” I mean a girl not jars”.

    “Yeah, I got it,” Henry acknowledged non-plussed, “I would bee the man.”

   

June 1st A Royal Pain

   

(lilies in our yard)

     My dad wrote me from Paris using some colorful language and some strong “French” insisiting I acquire some proper clothing for dealing with the bees. His treat, for Henry’s birthday.

    We’d planned to go down to Cedar Bees when Henry could go, but Beekeeper Mike had some scheduling conflicts and just couldn’t do it until today.  Before my father's explicit instructions on bee-wear we had needed to go down to Ceder Bees anyway to get our next bee box. This allows the bees to store more honey for the winter.The honey Henry collects won't be until we get the third box with a queen bee excluder. This means the queen can't get in at all because of her size so the honey is just honey without any bee eggs. Which is nice.

    Tom and I took off around noon on another 97 degree day and got there just as his wife Donna was trying to overnight some queen bees.  She filled out shipping labels while we discussed different combinations of clothing options. We could get one Wee-Bee suit for Henry and me to share or two bee suits in case he needed some one to go with him on occasion.

    After an obscure shopping spree where I tried on nothing but white ill-fitting, water-resistant outfits we ended up with two selections. One “Wee-Bee suit” for Henry and me to share and one bee jacket with attached facemask that will fit both Tom and me. The extra fabric doesn’t endanger me and this allows Tom to go too.

(Tim (who also raises worms) wearing the mask just to protect his face from examining tray after tray of bees)

    What puzzled me as we were deciding on our ensemble is how the guys (friends of Dan’s from the airplane), Wally and Tim, working the bees, making the boxes and inspecting the hives were both wearing shorts. Shorts! And they weren’t getting stung.  They were not covered head to toe like they worked for HASMAT. Beekeeper Mike walked in just as we were making our final selections and we all told him of our bee problem.

    “I don’t know, maybe we’re doing something wrong, but whenever we go to feed them they fly up in our faces. Henry’s been stung on the lip and side and the back. They flew up my pant leg and frankly we’re more than a little nervous now. They don’t act like your bees at all,” I said despondently.

    “Sounds like you have a real bitch,” Mike said after listening.

    “Yep. That’s what I thought,” Donna concurred.

(bright colored bee looks different because it is covered in pollen)

    “What?” Tom asked. “I guess they’re sophisticated societies and have personalities.”

    “Yep, and if the queen’s a bitch they all have her DNA and then they all are just like her,” Mike explained. “I have one hive like that out of all my hives. I really should kill her, but she lays so many eggs and that hive makes so much honey I let it go. I dread going out there though it’s like a horror movie.”

    “Yep, that’s what we’ve got. They follow us down the hill and won’t leave us alone,” I agreed happy this was not unexplainable. This was a thing.

    “So now what?” Tom asked. “What do we do?”

    “Well, you have to kill the queen.” He said casually.

    “We have to kill the queen?” I asked in disbelief wondering how the heck we were going to do that when we couldn’t even change the feeder.

    “No, we’re going to have to come up and do it. Although we can’t do it until later in the week because Mike has chemo on Tuesday and then we're driving to Easter Washington to deliver some bees.” Donna explained to us.

    “We live about an hour away.” I said shocked they would consider coming up to our house to help us.

    “Mike loves to help young beekeepers and we don’t want Henry to be afraid of his hive.” Donna said as she finished her labels.

    “Well, then what about Saturday, so Henry can be there and then you can stay for a barbecue. It's Henry's birthday he's turning twelve.” I said hopefully.

    “That way you don’t have to turn around and go home,” Tom continued to encourage.

    “Sounds great!” Mike agreed readily. “You don’t have to twist my arm.”
(Our bee feeder has been in the wrong place from day one)

(Tom looking for a queen)

    We stayed long enough get some instruction, watch Tim inspect a few hives and for Tom to get stung in the face. “It doesn’t hurt too much, I was leaning in to the hive with my whole body. I can’t remember the last time I got stung,”

    “I can.” I said flatly.

    On the way home, we stopped at Home Depot™ and I called Awesomez to tell her about what we'd learned, only I felt a little self-conscious saying "they're coming over on Saturday to kill her".

After pricing belt sander rentals I called my sister to see if she could find their sander. We have one, but it’s at Tom’s in Ventura.

    “Hey do you know where the sander is Chris accused me of having for a millennium and then found in your garage?”

    “I remember it, but I have no idea where it is. You need it?” Lisa asked.

    “Yeah, I will when I sand the porch after I finish the eaves.”

    “Your welcome to look for it.  I’ll ask Chris, he just cleaned the garage so he might know where it is.”

    “Can you send me those pictures of the chicken coop you took the other day?”

    “Sure, but I don’t know how.” Lisa moaned.

    “That’s OK, hold on, Tom has a question about the chicken coop.”

    “Hey” Tom greeted.

    “Hey Tom,” Lisa acknowledged. “I could just tell you what I saw and then you could ask me questions.” Lisa suggested.

    “Well, I really just have one question. You see, I built a row of nesting boxes and they’re about two feet off the ground.” Tom paused.

    “That’s just like what I saw, they look like bookcases.”

    “Yeah, now I want to know, do they hop up there or do they need a ladder?” Tom puzzled.
“
    Well, they don’t need an elaborate ladder.”

    “No I know, I was just…”

    “You know? I thought perhaps you were going to build a little chicken elevator complete with a light for up and down.”

    “Yeah then I can teach them to eat the feed and it makes the lift raise. We could take them to the fair.”

    “Don’t forget to charge a quarter for the feed.” Lisa reminded.

    “Pea, tell Lisa about the coup.” I added.

    “Oh yeah, we have an evil bee queen and they’re coming out on Saturday to kill the queen.

     “What? Are they going to bring a little tiny guillotine?” Lisa chuckled.

    “Yeah, they’re going to bee-head her.” Tom laughed.

    When we got home, I went up the hill with the larger jacket outfit on and my jeans. After all, if Tim could wear shorts I could wear jeans. Wally had said they can't sting through your jeans. It didn't take me long to find out Wally was wrong. I had two more stingers lodged in my thigh. The same leg still recovering from the other five stings from last Monday. I limped down the hill to the barn where I flicked the stingers out and then tromped right back up again ready for combat. I was going to put that ding-dang feeder in the right place. However, I started to imagine they could get in even when logic dictated they couldn't. I felt frozen hoping they'd get bored and fly away. But they kept coming at me and one little witch followed me down the hill and wouldn't leave.

"Mom! swat her! Off with her head!" Henry cried. "Only God can save the queen now!"

May 26th Bee-Wear

   

(early on when we wore our bee bonnets)

(yellow feeder for sugar water)

Like all the other mouths to feed on the farm, our ten thousand new residents, the bees have to be fed until there are enough flowers to support the hive. Our new friend, Dan, advised us to “feed, feed, feed”. The little ladies eat equal parts sugar and water almost every day. At first this went fairly smoothly. Henry and I both had bee bonnets but decided that since most beekeepers didn’t wear them, we wouldn’t either. We weren’t fraidy cats.

    After all things had gone very smoothly when we were learning about the bees from Beekeeper Mike and so why wouldn’t they go similarly here. Why indeed.

    And so it was a few weeks ago when Henry and I trudged up the hill to where the bees reside. “Now remember to send the bees love.” I reminded myself as well as Henry recalling The Secret Life of Bees. “Anger and fear make them react and they’ll sting.” Henry nodded, as we got closer to the hive. 

    “OK let’s take off the lid.”  I said my clam-melodic-everything-is-going-to-be-all-right-voice mindful of what we wanted to do. We were supposed to check to see if Regina was laying eggs. To accomplish this we’re supposed to lift out the slats and examine them for eggs. Henry valiantly lifted off the brick, which Alexis had put on top of the hive for extra stability. Then he carefully removed the lid. Next he took off the bee feeder and set it on the ground. Leaning over the hive, Henry was suddenly swarmed by a cloud of bees. One managed to sting his lip as he turned his back. He got another through his shirt. We left everything as it was and walked away. A little way down the hill we stopped so I could flick the stingers and then we went inside to don protection.

    Henry put on his bee veil and a sweatshirt. “Mama?” Henry called weakly. “Mama do you hear that?”

    “Hear what?”

    “Hear that Zzzzzing” he whispered.

    “No. I don’t hear anything.”

    “There’s a bee.”

    “Henry, there isn’t a bee. You’re imagining things. How could there be a bee in here? Do you think it followed you inside?” I asked with a condescending tone creeping into my voice.
“Mom, I’m telling you there’s a bee.” Henry insisted.

    “Come here.” I said in order to put the matter to rest. Henry stood next to me in his bee bonnet and I listened. “ZZZZZZzzzzzzz” could be heard plainly.  “Zzzzzzz” I could hear it but I couldn’t see it. It was like being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. “ZZZzzzzzzz” Where was it? My skin tingled as I heard the warning. We both stood listening. I walked away a little to see if I could pinpoint the sound. “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz” With ears like a deer, as my fifth graders who talked in the back of the room used to say, I suddenly realized the sound was coming from Henry. I walked back toward him slowly. “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz” “I see it, it’s inside your veil.” I whispered.

    “Mom! Get it out! Get it out!” Henry said in a frantic whisper with the look of a caged animal in his eyes. The bee was climbing along the veil coming down into his view. “Calm, be calm. I’ll get it out.” I reassured him as I lifted the veil straps from under his arms and tilted the hat back releasing the bee before squashing the intruder who’d come to attack my child.

    Standing there in disbelief we turned toward each other as we heard another one.
“Where is it?” Henry whispered as if we were being hunted by an unseen alien. I’d gone from Tippi Hedren to Sigourney Weaver ready for battle. Listening intently, I pinpointed the sound. It was coming from Henry’s hood.

    “Stand very still Honey.” I instructed. He blinked his understanding and stood statue still while I pulled his hood out and allowed the bee to fly free before terminating it. Relief flooded over us as we stood in the kitchen. I noticed Henry’s lip had begun to fatten from his earlier sting. Nervous laughter had us almost hysterical at the event until we heard the third one. This was ridiculous; I grabbed a dishtowel and went into battle. She eluded me for a bit dodging behind the hall light fixture and escaping behind the door molding. She was defending her queen, her way of life and the future of her hive, and I was protecting my child and my home. The battle raged on for centuries, but eventually I emerged victorious.

    “OK we know Regina has got to be laying eggs or the hive would be failing.” I rationed having received an “A” in logic.

    “So really we don’t need to look at the eggs.” Henry quickly jumped on board.

    “I’d say no. Let’s wait until your father gets to town and then we’ll go back down to see Beekeeper Mike and have him help us.” I suggested.

    “Sounds good to me” Henry immediately agreed.
Since, then Henry has gone to the hive with Alexis. He says Alexis keeps him calm. Together they feed the bees almost daily keeping them in sugar water to guarantee a goodly amount of honey. Henry has even taken to wearing my coveralls and going a little crazy by putting rubber bands around his ankles and neck to keep the bees from getting in event the slightest opening. I thought this a little over the top, but kept my mouth shut as I hadn’t been the one trapped in the veil with the tiny assassin.

(a few wild flowers dot the grass - we have sprinkled a wildflower seed mixture on the hill in hopes of creating more food)

    Today, I suggested to Henry we feed the bees because Alexis was going to be home late from work. We donned our veils grabbed the pitcher of sugar water and walked up the hill.  I took off the brick, the lid and the feeder. Carefully, I filled the feeder completely full turned it over positioning it as Henry instructed and replaced the lid and brick. Simple. Obviously, if you stay calm and don’t panic the bees will respect you and understand you’re there for good instead of evil.

    We’d started back down the hill when I felt the first one. “Unzip my pant leg!” I screamed. Henry stared back at me confused. “Unzip my pant leg! Unzip my pant leg! I just got stung!” And no sooner did he start to unzip my pant leg than I got stung again and again Henry saw another bee and brushed it away then flicked out the stingers. My leg ached as we made our way down the hill. I wished I hadn’t ignored the rubber band trick.

    “We definitely need better clothes for this” Henry stated the obvious.

    The next morning the back of my leg was a big thick swollen mass. I was surprised until I scratched the back of my leg to find some relief from the uncomfortable swollenness and found another unremoved stinger. That made four. I guess since they’d stung me so close together I hadn’t realized I’d been stung that many times. My leg was so swollen it filled my jeans uncomfortably and in fact, it wasn’t until that night that I realized I’d missed yet another stinger. Once the last stinger was out the swelling on my leg started to go down almost immediately.

    “So are you tired of them now” Awesomez queried hopefully as I whined about my leg.

    “Well, I can hardly be mad at the bees for being bees.” 

    “Right. Just like you can’t be mad at Irish for being Irish as he destroys your house” she taunted.

    “Right. We scrimped because of money on protective gear. Apparently, this wasn’t the best area to cut costs. We’ll just have to get the latest in bee fashion.”

"Or live in fear."

May 13th Horsing Around

 

  (Grumpy anti-photo Quinn on her birthday with Henry and Lauren)
(Phoebe beating up Henry)

(Henry, Phoebe and lovely little Lauren)


    Lisa had come home with me for our new work exchange program. I cleaned her carpets last week on Quinn’s birthday and today she is mopping my kitchen and putting in a few rows of seeds in the garden. In the process we get to discuss our children, catch up on our friends and commiserate on the river of life that is laundry.

    We knocked off about 2:00 P.M. as the floor was clean, Luther’s toenails were clipped, the tomatoes, artichokes and carrots were in the ground and we’d all but decided Awesomez should move to Bellingham whether she thought it was a good idea or not. Plus we had to get to the kids’ middle school track meet.

    Lisa spearheaded the hot beverage acquisition while I collected Phoebe and found seats at Civic Field. Spring had disappeared behind a cloud. Suddenly, the sunny stadium was cold and damp, misty rain blew sideways on an Arctic wind turning my sleek flat-ironed hair into a Brillo™ pad. Phoebe and I must have looked like orphaned seal pups huddled together bracing ourselves against the unexpected cold. Walking in with a sleeping bag she’d had in her car Lisa started laughing when she saw us. “I guess you’re ready for this.” She chuckled unfurling the bundle. Welcome warmth enveloped us. Phoebe positioned herself in the middle her white translucent skin had a bluish quality in the cold. I thought she could easily pass as a vampire.

(Henry doing the softball throw)

    “Could you be any whiter?” I demanded.

    “Yes actually. This is me after a week in Cancun.” She giggled with a mischievous smile. We scanned the field for Henry and Quinn. Henry as easy to spot, all you have to do was look down for the orange socks.  Quinn wasn’t much harder, you just let your eyes drift over the top of the crowd and she’s usually the tallest one like her father. Henry was warming up for some of his field events. He was doing shot put and the softball throw as well as hurdles and the 4-man relay. Quinn had opted not to do the hurdles this year, but was doing the 400 and the relay.

    Just as Chris took his seat we saw Henry taking his lane for the hurdles. I thought he’d be pretty good because of his agility. I was shocked at Henry’s technique. “He looks like a bunny!” I said to Phoebe. “Have you ever seen anyone go over like that?”

    “No he looks weird. What’s he doing?’ Phoebe asked. “He touches his feet as he goes over. He’s fast, but look he touches his toes!” And he did. He seemed to be gliding through the air effortlessly. He didn’t really take off on one foot and travel forward as you would expect but went straight up like a bunny.

    “C’mon Henny he’s going to get you come on, come on, push, push, push!” Lisa shrieked like she was at a roller derby rink. He came in second.

    Quinn graced us with her presence while she changed into her cleats. As she laced up she asked with disdain, “Did you see how Henry hurdles? He hops like a bunny.”

    “That’s what we thought.” Phoebe exclaimed.

(Henry takes a break and visits us in the stands)

    “The coach thinks Henry’s really fast. He could win, but he has to change how he hurdles or they won’t let him race.” Quinn said with great concern.

    “Well it is only his first race.” Lisa chimed in.

    “I’m just saying in high school they won’t let him race if he hurdles like that.” High school he’s in sixth grade in his first race. Middle school girls, whatever.

    After informing us of Henry’s dire future in track, Quinn took the starting line. Watching her brought back memories of her first meet. I think she was in kindergarten or maybe it was in first grade. Tall for her age even then, but such a little Quinnderella. She’d come in dead and I mean dead last. Her long gangly coltish legs just didn’t move with much urgency. She was the kind of child who said excuse me when she played basketball. After the race she’d told Lisa “I felt like everyone else had a horse and I was on a pony.” Now she was running the 400 and looking confident and composed. As she took off out of the start she made up the stagger with ease. She was in the lead from the first turn and extended it for the rest of the race. It gets you out of your seat to see her pass EVERYONE like that. You think she can't keep it up- until she does! Wow! Our little Secretariat learned how to move those legs. Nearing the finish line Henry started running along side her on the grassy field next to the track cheering her on. Tears came to my eyes as she loped easily over the finish line. Henry ran over to hug and congratulate her, but she pushed him away barely able to stand up straight completely spent.

(Henry on the grass willing Quinn on as she nears the finish line )

    “She leaves it all on the field.” Lisa observed proudly.

    The shot put was hard to see as it was on the other side of the stadium and there was a shed in the way. Henry did OK in the softball throw, but not great. Not doing well at the softball throw? I’m sure this is somehow my genetic fault. Next, was the relay. One of Henry’s teammates was missing so they had to get a substitute and they were understandably nervous about the hand-off. Henry did the second leg of the race and took off like a bat out of hell coming from behind and passing the rest of the runners. “My God, he runs just like Dad. It’s Dad as an eleven-year-old Denise.” Lisa exclaimed. And she was right he did, he had the same movements, intensity and stride. In a flash, like a tape recorder I could hear my mother explaining, “Look he’s got a lot of flaws but we had a lot of laughs and he’s got good genes.”
Henry’s team had trouble with the hand-off and came in third. He took first in the shot put but didn’t come close in the softball throw.

    Chris went back to work, Lisa hurried off to a Humane Society meeting so I was in charge of signing the kids out and getting them home.

(going home 11-year-old Henry, 8-year-old Phoebe and now the newly13-year-old amazon Quinn)

On our way to the car Quinn said "Henry you know you've really got to change your hurdle."

    "Why?"

    "Because you could win, you're really fast." Quinn stated.

    "No. I couldn't win, the other kid beat me by a couple of seconds."

    "Seriously Henry you're fast. You'll make up a lot of time changing your form."

    "I don't think I can" Henry admitted.

    "You can Henry. I know you can and you'll win." Quinn encouraged.

    "You really think so."

    "I really do. You're good."

    "Thanks Quinn. You were really amazing."

    "Whatever, can we go?" Phoebe whined as they all  hopped in the car.

April 26th To Bee Or Not To Bee

   (Saying another good-bye at Burbank Airport)

(Henry and Awesomez bid farewell)

    While we were at the airport waiting for our flight Henry suddenly remembered he had a cap gun in his suitcase. Thankfully, this thought came to his brain in the restaurant while we were killing time before our flight with Awesomez.

    “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “You have a gun in your suitcase? What were you thinking?”

    “Well, I thought it would be fun to keep it after playing with Parker, but last time we checked my bag so I didn’t think it was a big deal. I forgot you brought the extra suitcase inside yours for the hand-me-downs from Awesomez.”
I didn’t know what the heck to do with it so we left it on the table. As we walked out our server chased us out.

    “Uhhh you left something on the table!” She said wild-eyed.

    “It’s trash. Just throw it away.” Awesomez calmly replied with a wave of her hand.

    “Let me get this straight. She was going to give us the gun back? What if we were terrorists? Oh here, you forgot your weapon” I said sarcastically.

    As we were saying good-bye to Awesomez with hugs, tears and promises to visit I could see a group of servers gathering at the entrance to the restaurant eyeing us. I felt nervous. Guilty of a federal crime. It was time to board the plane and we still had to go through security, I didn’t need to be pulled aside and questioned.

    “The way they’re looking us you’d think we had a bomb.” Oh my God! I didn’t just say BOMB in an airport in Los Angeles? Had I lost my mind? “We’d better go before they decide we need to be detained.” And with one last hug, off we went.

    Of course, when you’re in a hurry everything goes wrong. Henry accidently left a tube of toothpaste in his bag.  His bag was searched.

    “Henry!”

    “I thought I was checking my bag!” He said desperately.

    “Do you want us to have this put in your checked luggage?” the woman asked.

    “No. I prefer you throw it out and we make our plane. I’d hate to miss it over a tube of citrus toothpaste he barely uses anyway.” I glared at the criminal putting his tennis shoes on.

    As we trotted through the airport toward the gate we heard our names called for final boarding. We went into a dead run, business cards flying out of my camera bag.

    “Should I get those?” Henry called.

    “NOOOOOO just keep moving.” 

    Everyone clapped and smiled as we boarded the plane and took our seats. Each of them glad they weren’t us disheveled, breathing hard, gripping our carry-on.

    Once seated, Henry and I promptly closed our eyes.  With only ten hours of sleep in the last few days I thought I would go right out, but my mind was racing. I was anxious to get back to the farm and start back on the fence. My mind buzzed with ideas about what needed to get done. I could no longer avoid the paper disaster in Mike’s old room with guests coming this summer. I would need two guest rooms. I could procrastinate no longer.

    Eventually, Henry woke up and we both needed to go to the restroom which meant we’d have to wake up the guy in the aisle seat. Henry gently nudged him apologizing. Henry being a boy, and all that that implies, was already back in his seat entrenched in conversation when I arrived.

    “Mama? Do you have a business card? I need one.” Henry asked matter-of-factly.

    “What?”

    “He’s a bee farmer?” Henry informed me. “Did you know bees are disappearing exponentially? And that if bees disappear man won’t be far behind because there will be no bees to pollinate the food?” Mama, this is Dan. Dan this is my mother.”

(Henry and Dan)

    “I’m Denise,” I said shaking his hand.
We talked about farming, and laughed about work coveralls versus going to town coveralls. How distant most of society was from an agrarian lifestyle in less than a hundred years and we talked about the severity of the bee situation. This led to a lengthy discussion between Dan and Henry.

    “So you get how many pounds of honey from one hive?” Henry asked thoughtfully.

    “About seventy.” Dan replied

    “And you sell that at $6.00 a pound?”

    “Right.”

    “What are your costs?” Henry inquired and kept inquiring about combs, wax and bee rentals to farmers. “So they pay you to bring your hive to their fields and you get to keep the honey?”

    “Right.” Dan responded.

    “Mama, I think you need to get some bees.” Henry said seriously. “It would help the Earth and you could make some money.”

    I’d been listening silently as my little entrepreneur asked some surprisingly insightful questions, and had already come to the same conclusion. I was excited about the bees. The idea of them had brought me renewed hope. Maybe the bees would be our “applesauce” like in “Babyboom”. Colonists certainly needed bees, heck otherwise they wouldn’t have had mead to drink or honey to sweeten things. George Washington and every other farmer knew how important the bee was to life. I’d been interested in bees for a while, but hadn’t been ready to dive in not knowing much about them, but after talking to Dan I was convinced we could do it.

     “Actually, I think it sounds like this should be your business Honey.”

    “Mama Really?”

    “Well, you’re birthday’s coming up. I’ll talk to your dad. It isn’t that big an investment, a hundred dollars or so and maybe he can charge it.”

    “Frankly, I think this guy could sell a ketchup pop sicle to a girl in a white dress.” Dan remarked.

    “Hey, you know that hot dog is lookin’ mighty dry.” Henry volleyed getting the appropriate laughter from the surrounding passengers.
(Dan teaching us about the plight of the bee and how to care for them)

    “Give Cedar Glen Bee Farm a call in Stanwood. The bees should be there by Wednesday, they’re bringing them up this week. Otherwise, you’ll miss the Spring and have to wait for next year.”
As we deplaned in Seattle and said good-bye Henry turned to me. “Mama, I’ve got the name.”

    “What is it?”

    “Henry’s Sweet Ass Honey.” He smiled proudly. “I think the label should have Miracle in a bee suit. I’m going to talk to the Acme General store and see if they’ll carry it.”

    “Sweet.” I said with a smile.

     “Mommmmm.” He laughed.

April 25th A Barbie Girl Living In A Barbie World

   

(Showbiz a floribunda)

    When you’re broke, and I mean really broke not struggling, not conserving, not tightening your belt, but afraid your debit card will get rejected broke, it dominates your every purchase, your every thought. And if you’re not, you can’t put yourself in that place. With this in mind and starving, I suggested we all go out to a breakfast joint. Breakfast is the cheapest meal of the day; you can get a bowl of oatmeal for about $ 4.00 and be full for hours. That was my plan, so off we headed to breakfast and on the way ended up at BJ’s Brewery for lunch. I didn’t want to be disagreeable so I taciturnly nodded benign agreement. I scanned the menu for the most affordable item. Minestrone soup. I tried not to pout, but as I watched them eat salads and sandwiches and order beers I couldn’t help it. I was hungry and this was not filling me up.

    The other thing I wanted to do with my money was go and get a cheap pedicure. Washington does not have pedicure deals like the Valley and instead of a trip to Cancun or the Bahamas, a facial or an expensive lunch I wanted a pedicure – to relax, a treat to make me feel pampered and a celebration of the day. While I was on the phone checking on Henry while my friends bought me a bottle of nail polish remover to help me save money. It was very kind and I knew they were right, I shouldn’t squander my cash on treats but I was disappointed. The day was not going according to plan.

    We moved on to Nordstrom Rack where we looked and shopped and browsed. I tried on cheap jewelry and found a necklace I might want but figured it didn’t go with my coveralls so I decided not to spend my pennies. However, when we got back to the hotel I found Laura had purchased the necklace for “herself” and for me to borrow. She’s clever for a blonde.

    From shopping Awesomez and I had to go run errands, pick up balloons, take Henry here and there and get ready for the reunion. With all this activity I barely got my toes painted when we got back and couldn’t take a shower because my polish hadn’t dried. To add insult to injury I discovered I had forgotten my make-up bag. Not my lotions and potions, but the basic necessities eyebrow pencil, eyeliner, shadow etc. Great. I had to borrow. Needless to say this put me in a foul mood. I was ready to stay home and forget the whole damn reunion.

    “Really. Really? You’re going to let this ruin your evening?” Awesomez asked incredulously. She doesn’t wear make-up. She says it makes her look like a clown. She didn’t understand.

    “Really.” I said with belligerent defiance. I knew we were close enough for me to yell at her and she wouldn’t flinch. Oh she wouldn’t like it, she’d be sad but she would still love me in the morning. A knock at the door saved her from my complete I-don’t-have-my-eyebrow-pencil-meltdown. Bar-back Barbie, June, walked in with bags of wine laughing and smiling dressed in a cool blue-grey blouse that set off her eyes. Without bothering with hellos after so many years I asked. “June, I’m in a crisis. This top? Or this top?” I pointed to the orange one Laura had given me in January.

(Spooneta Mondetta looking stunning)

    “Hmm I’m intrigued by the orange one. Put it on” It was like so many years ago as roommates she hadn’t missed a beat. “No. The black one is slimming.”

    “These shoes? Or the others?”

    “Those they look good with your toes.” She said with authority. I was beginning to breathe.

    “Belt? Or necklace?” I said with desperation.

    “Definitely the belt. Focal point. I like the cool way you tuck the blouse.” She said pouring the wine and handing me a glass.

    Despite June’s spot on assistance, I was still in the tail end of a snit as we parked; Awesomez turned to me and said before we walked through the doors “I hope you’re going to be able to enjoy the evening.”

    “I’m a party girl and this is a party. I will pull it together. I’m not going to get another chance to see all these people.” And I did. I laughed and talked and talked and laughed. What I talked about I have barely any idea. I hugged and remembered and took pictures in between margaritas. It was an amazing time full of memories and plans for the future. While I was there I booked visitors in June, July and August and I’m crossing my fingers they all show. After the party about thirty people came back to our room for margaritas and bottles of wine. Chicken wings showed up from somewhere and Awesomez’ oatmeal raisin cookies were violated.
(back- Nancy, Julie, Alisa, Dayna, Lisa #2, front- Me, Lori and Lisa #3- together we are the Alpha Gammas-)
(Laura and Lisa#4)

(June and Deb "Stearn")

(Susan and Lisa #5)
(Awesomez -Lisa #1-with the boys- Pat, Jeff and Gary)

(Lisa #5 enjoying the evening- comfortable with the paparazi at this point)
(Laura and Barbara Jordan)

    The next morning, a day with out obligations or chores I woke up to Awesomez who’d been transformed into “Crack-of-flipping-Dawn Barbie and a room that smelled like a fast food restaurant. We hit the ground running. A shower and our daily hike out to move the car before we got a ticket on a side street off Canoga. Then we piled in the car with June to shuttle Henry to his next destination and on to my long-awaited cheap breakfast!
(Henry and his new friend Salsa - he says she's spicy)

    “Henry this is June my old roommate.” I said introducing Henry through the car window.

    “Hey June! Hey Awesomez!” he said before getting in. Climbing in the car and slamming the door Henry paused for a moment. “You know there’s just way too much estrogen in the air.” I didn’t even know he knew the word estrogen. We were going to have to talk. I looked at him laughing and full of joy. He’d been having a great time and I was thrilled. My friend, Susan Iverson, said he had achieved “Rock Star Status” and I was happy for him, but my heart also ached knowing he didn’t have this kind of friendship at home. Why had I taken him from all of this? Did I do the right thing for him? Had I been selfish? I’d thought I was doing it for the family but perhaps I’d rationalized. Well, I’d have to think about that tomorrow. We drove past our old house and although I wanted to get out and start knocking on my old neighbor’s doors I knew I couldn’t with a car full of hungry women.

(death by snuggling - the kid tries to kill me)
(our old house)

    After listening to the conversation Henry said before he got out of the car, “I think I should be Metro Barbie” and he hugged June and Awesomez good-bye. We really were going to have to talk. I got out of the car and deposited Henry. He was happy and all seemed to be going my way. Until I got back in the car and found Awesomez had answered my phone. She’d told some Barbies that we’d meet them back at the hotel to eat. The hotel! I didn’t want to pay those prices. I snapped. Snapped. Seriously throwing a tantrum. I just wanted a nice economical time full of fun and laughter. Somehow though I just came off as a control freak. No one understood that going back to the hotel was going to be too expensive. It’s like telling a poor person to shop at Costco. Sure you get more for your money, but if you don’t have the money to buy seventy-five rolls of paper towels it does you no good. I started yelling at Awesomez the kind of yelling you reserve for family. The kind of yelling you only do when you know that your bad behavior will be in time forgiven and forgotten although there is a chance it will be held over your head, but you’re so upset you don’t care. I was hungry and I didn’t want to spend a lot of money – again.

    “But I already told them we’d go.” Awesomez said innocently having no idea how to tame the wild beast I was becoming. She’s sweet and soft spoken and she was totally out of her element. “I want you to be happy,” she said desperately. “What did I do? I just want everyone to get along.” She knew I was broke and I knew she knew I was broke, but as I said when you have more than five dollars in your pocket you just don’t understand how it feels to count each cent. Probably because she believed she'd pay for me, she assumed it, she wanted to take care of me. "You can't take it with you" she'd say quoting her father, but I couldn't make that assumption. I couldn't rely on her kindness and leech off her. She's my friend not a lottery ticket.

    Heroically, June slipped into Human Resources Barbie and drove back to the hotel. She calmly and cordially invited all those seated at the table to join us at Cables on Ventura Blvd for breakfast. And off we went.

    June ordered enough food to feed a village. She then decided she herself wasn’t a village, but tall enough to be described as a peninsula. “I just made that up.” She said and every one laughed as though they were drunk at 10:00AM. “I like to put together amazing bites of food.” She explained skewering a piece of turkey sausage.

    My sister who had joined us said “Well it looks like you’ve put together a breakfast shish kabob.” And it did, she had egg, waffle, meat and lord knows what else on that fork every time. It was an interesting technique. In fact, I’d eyed her last bit of pancake hungrily and was just about to stab it without permission when she suddenly without warning lopped it on top of a tomato. Weight Watchers would be happy I didn’t need the calories. With the financial hysteria behind me, the breakfast was a just another sidesplitting, eye-wiping laugh fest. Awesomez pulled the big sister card and paid my bill.

    When we got back to the hotel, we ran into Cindy who said she was sorry she’d missed us for breakfast. She said they knew I was a bit tight for funds and somehow had been given a free breakfast buffet ticket and had saved it for me. My heart filled, these were my friends.

    The day just went from one activity to another. No sooner did we get back to the hotel and sit down look at the clock and realize we had to leave again. It was almost time for the second game in the CSUN Softball double header and my little sister Barbara Jordan is the head coach. So off we went to Northridge tired and a little bleary-eyed. I was excited we were going to watch Barb. In college rain or shine I’d go to all her practices and all her home games and many of her away games including driving up to San Luis Obispo. I’d admired the work and dedication of the whole team and though they were reluctant they finally let me put make-up on almost of all of them even Mishy McAnany – third base gave in.

    Awesomez and I strode up to the ticket booth and I insisted on paying for her ticket. I know it was a small gesture, but that’s all I have right now. She graciously thanked me as if I was the one who had paid her plane ticket, hotel bill and breakfast. We sat down in the same stands I’d sat in twenty-five years ago and watched Barb walk her familiar Barbara walk out to the mound. I yelled “C’mon Barb” in my same squeaky high-pitched voice just as I used to. She turned and smiled at me over her shoulder. I was so proud of her, so confident and in charge. I chatted in the stands with her sister, Karen, "Remember when Barb used to steel all the bases Denise?" and I did. The girl had wheels. Karen had been instrumental in my choice of Catholicism. “Follow your heart and trust in God and all good things will come. He knows what you need,” she said encouraging me and reminding me of my faith. I soaked in the warm sunshine and released my problems. I couldn’t think of another afternoon I’d spent at a ball field watching anyone other than my son play in twenty-five years. It was glorious.  Especially when I saw how my little sister orchestrated the win using her old stand by to advance the run. - They didn't call her Bunt Jordan for nothing.

(Barb earning her keep)
(Barb waving dutifully)

(Awesomez and Spiritual Barbie - Karen an AOII and - Barb's sister)
(Barb # 18 Jordan and her Coach Torgeson whom she recently inducted into the Hall of Fame- he says she's next)

    Afterward, it was on to the 50th Anniversary reunion of CSUN. Tom was joining us there so Awesomez and I walked over traveling through time. She tripped me as we went and I felt seventeen again. The actual reunion was a snore. The tents were disorganized, they ran out of food and there was no actual place for us to gather. So a bunch of us including my sister, Barbara, Awesomez, Cindy, Laura, Tom and our old roommate who never pledged a sorority, Delinah went to dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. It was more eating, more drinking and more laughing. We talked about inspiring kids to like history and good historical fiction. I found out Delinah had dated my eighth grade crush and she promised to come up to the farm to visit.
(Pea and me)

(Barbara, me, the Matador and Pea)

(Laura sticking her tongue out at me - with Rick Simmons - sigma chi)

    It was getting late and Tom needed to get home so Delinah said she’d drive us back to our car still parked near the softball field. We all piled in to hers, which meant Laura had to sit in the child booster seat in the back. Laughing hysterically throwing out ridiculous things like Booster Seat Barbie as we sat under a lamp post in the Northridge Mall parking lot all because of a child’s booster seat and Cheerios™ simply enjoying being together. Delinah, who is now a professor of psychology, was laughing so hard she was doubled over the steering wheel, said thoughtfully as she started the car, “After twenty-five years I finally get why you pledge a sorority. I finally finally get it, too bad.”  Funny, at that moment I felt pretty rich.

April 20th Like Mother Like Daughter

    (Alvin casually observing the day's events)

     After working all morning and just before lunch, I had to carry a bale of hay down to the cows as we're out of round bales. I have a hard time using the wheel barrel on the rocky driveway so I decided to hoist it over my shoulder and muscle it down. "Wow, you're butch!" Alexis called out. Butch? Is that some sort of compliment? Does anyone think that's a compliment even if you're trying to be butch? Awesomez had said perhaps he meant "tough". I was willing to believe this. My mother had always wanted to be strong and I should be grateful for my father's strength. However, Alexis had previously called me a pit bull with lipstick and once told me I looked good compared to my college pictures, healthy; which any woman knows is code for rotund. His comment my house looked "farm house clean" cinched it'; this is not a man pandering to my feminine sensibilites. My college reunion is in less than four days. Determined to make time for myself, I stopped working in the yard and went upstairs to color my hair. I mixed up the color and the developer, donned a pair of gloves and applied to my roots it was then I realized I hadn't put in the essential ingredient, The Grey Magic™, the teeny tiny bottle that kept me from looking like Ma Kettle. I started searching the bathroom shelves. It had to be here. It never left the bathroom and I'd use it in the last time I colored my hair. I started frantically pulling bottles off the shelves and throwing them recklessly to the floor. The dogs were barking downstairs and the noise was adding to my panic. I did not want to mess this up. I shelf after shelf, I moved lotion bottles, tweezer, cotton balls, discarded hair brushes old Velcro™ rollers, teeth whitening strips and pedicure exfoliators. It just wasn't there. I was now screaming to L. Awesomez on speakerphone as she couldn't help but laugh at my somewhat ridiculous predicament. She had room to laugh her color is tomorrow. Clearly she did not fully grasp the emergency in the situation.

    "You can't find what? You're not making sense." She insisted.

    "The Grey Magic™. The Grey Magic™. I need to put it in my hair color. My grey is resistant and won't color."

    "Don't you just buy a box? Doesn't it all come together?" Ugh. Spoken like someone who doesn't color her own hair.

    "No. I don't just buy a box. I go to the beauty supply and buy the developer, the Color Charm™ 5N and mix it together with "un-red" and the The Dang Grey Magic™ I can't find. I am not going to the reunion with grey hair I am not!" I screamed somewhat dramatically. I looked at Irish and wondered if he'd eaten it.

(Irish - guilty until proven innocent)

    "Ahhh, Denise?" Alexis called from downstairs in a voice that somehow conveyed he was not alone. It was something in his tone. I was silent. "Uhh yessss," I answered sweetly in "Steel Magnolia" fashion.

    "The gentlemen who wanted to see the aprtment stopped by and would like to take a look. We can tell you're a busy right now so I'll take him over. Why don't you come down in a couple of minutes. " He suggested.

    "Sounds good, I'll be right there!" I called back in my best hostess voice. "What's going on?" Awesomez asked still on speakerphone. "Some guy is here to see the apartment and I have to go down and talk to him, but my hair is covered in hair dye and I still can't find the Grey Magic™ I feel like Im living an 'I Love Lucy' episode I'll have to call you later. I said trying to figure out my next move. Come down? What the heck, my hair was saturated with medium brown semi-permanent hair dye and I didn't have enough product to rinse it out do it again. Like a flash my memory brought forward a long forgotten story my mother had told me many times.

(Spring has sprung)

    Growing up little Christina Mary Gabrielle Haenel lived in Hancock Park, California the daughter of two German doctors. She went to a very strict Catholic school, Immaculate Heart High, where she was taught by nuns in full habit during the ultra uptight fifties. Her friends were the daughters of prominent families like the The John Waynes and the Bing Crosbys, as well as talented, but not as affluent Mary (Tyler) Moore. Still, my mother, my inspiration was a rebel in her own silly way. She told me how one day during math. She'd done it and looked Sister Mary Robert straight in the eye while she sat there turning from mousey brown to blond. She told me this story giggling with laughter tears running down her cheeks.

    I gathered myself, found a clip wound the ends up and clipped it in back. Took off my robe slipped into my coveralls and taking the hair dye applicator brush painted my disheveled hair into a general semblance of order.

    I took a page from my sister's book, thought of having Oprah's money and marched down the stairs chin up.

    By this time, Alexis and the guy in the neon vest had seen the place and were marking time until I appeared.

    "Hello, I'm Denise. As luck would have it, this time I've met someone while coloring my hair. I do hope you have a sister." I said extending my hand.

    The man smiled back nodding and said, "I'm married too."

    "I'm going to my college reunion." I elaborated as if this explained everything. Both men laughed making statements like "I'm glad I'm a guy".

    "Well, it's this or I might look butch" I said. Alexis looked up knowing he was busted.

    After all the negotiations,I went back up stairs to check on my roots and there sitting on the back of the shelf was the Grey Magic™, I mixed a generous amount into the remaining color and reapplied.

    Luckily, all went well. I say luckily, as I have had to call the clairol hair color hotline when I made a fatal error and turned my hair Bozo the clown orange. After a quick blow dry, tan application and a touch of lip-gloss, I went downstairs.

    Alexis was in from the fence eating a late lunch. "You clean up good." He said smiling. "You're aging like a fine wine." He added obviously trying to make up for his sins. I'm easy it worked.

April 15th Local Color

   

    As we drove to school this morning Henry told me all about his desire to be on the track team. “I really want to do the hurdles and the shot-put and the softball throw.” He said excitedly.

    “You sound like you had a lot of fun yesterday.”

    “I did, I think I like track maybe better than wrestling. There’s more to do.”

    “Uhhhh you know. I was talking to Lisa last night.”

    “Which one?”

    “Awesomez, and she said you told her about the softball throw and apparently you told her the only thing I can throw is a party.” I glared at him.

    “You throw a great party?” He said meekly as he winced shrinking in his seat.

    “I’ll have you know, I have tried very hard for many years to learn how to throw a softball. Eric Fulton tried to teach me in the 8th grde. Your father has worked with me. Barb Jordan tried her best, Trevor, the P.E, coaches at Woodland Hills and too many 5th grade boys to count. You’re mean, mean and rotten. Lisa said she’s willing to teach me and in fact she thinks she’s going be the one to teach me.

    “Good luck." The little punk said under his breath.

    "What?"

    Well, if anyone can” He said, “The Awesomez can. She’s patient Mama. She won’t yell at you.”

    “I throw a great party.”

    “Mama throws a great party.” He repeated in a condescending tone.

    “Oh hush.”

    Home from Cancun, Lisa and I agreed to meet at Larabee Elementary School where Phoebe is a “Lara-Bee”.

(Phoebe with her braids from Cancun)

(Larabee Elementary)

Neither of us had eaten, so to catch up we decided go for breakfast at the Food Co-op. Pulling in the parking lot where Birkenstocks™ abound, it’s easy to tell The Food Co-op is the Topanga Canyon/Santa Monica of Bellingham. I applied for a job here and made the mistake of wearing my maple sugar lipstick. I’d been worried I didn’t look professional enough, but then realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this company as my hair was brushed and I had in fact, I had bathed within the last week.

(note Lisa's van with Tule™ and street musician on left)

(Food Co-op bike rack)

    As we stood in line for potentially the best coffee in Washington, I happily remembered Lent was over and ordered a non-fat latte. Extra hot. We both got a bowl of oatmeal and Lisa did some experimenting with something called “Old World” cereal. The girl behind the counter pointed to the other container and said, “This is like Malt-O-Meal” a little hesitantly. Feeling adventurous I dipped into the vat of cereal and put some in my bowl.

(breakfast is served)

    We sat down in front of a window in the warm sunshine after moving our chairs away from another patron whose aroma was a little pungent. I looked at Lisa across the table. She had a glow about her; she wasn’t fish belly white anymore. She was tan and I was green, but I consoled myself with the fact I could buy a tan at the store. Each of us took a bite of our breakfast. She nodded considering the Old World option though obviously not loving it by the way her nose crinkled up. I spit mine out in a napkin. It wasn’t anything like Malt-o-Meal and come to think of it I never really liked Malt-O-Meal anyway.

(some customers enjoying the warm sun)

    “Yeah, I was a little suspect when she said that.” Lisa acknowledged. “Malt-O-Meal never had those stringy things in it.” She was right I thought with disgust.

    “So tell me how was Mexico?” I said sitting back basking in the sun in no particular hurry. After all I could look for more jobs that were going to reject me later.

    “Well, I ate like a pig and drank like a sailor. “ She laughed, “I really couldn’t count how many margaritas I had, but the best part is they come in to-go cups.” She said with a mischievous smile. I took a leisurely sip of my latte as she began to relay the rest of the Donaldsons’ Spring Break Adventures including their nighttime trip to the ruins, the exciting sea turtle sightings – a sort of Easter Hunt, the technical improvements of scuba gear, the thatched roof in Cozumel, an incident resulting in a  broken camera, and ending with a nervous Phoebe coming face to face with a toothy barracuda.

    After a healthy amount of people watching we went our separate ways. She to a vegetable stand and I headed home to color my hair. The drive was a spectacular display of green.

(ready for someone's spring garden)

(the flowering trees)

(our little Bellingham vineyard)

(prop plane flying way too close for my comfort)

The hills ranged in color from asparagus to forest to the color of Granny Smith apples while the trees were jungle, mountain meadow and pine. Spring. A few eagles still fly over-head but now robins fly kamikaze in front of the cars playing some deadly game of chicken.

(eagle flying close over Mosquito Lake Road - pulled my car over- prefer the eagle to the plane)

Birds and their birdbrains are a complete mystery to me. The phone rang. It was Lisa the vegetable stand was looking for help so she got me an application. The drive was relaxing I pictured myself at the vegetable stand. Visualization. On a whim I pulled in to the IGA to pick up a bottle of instant tan. It was on sale. The woman at the checkout was tall, thin, had funny little glasses and rather protruding teeth. As I stood there swiping my card I chuckled picturing her swimming in the warm aquamarine waters– she did look very much like a barracuda.

(Andy enjoying the new grass in the pasture)

April 7th In A Heartbeat

(The first daunting apple tree)

    It was a stunningly beautiful day one of those days that demand you go outside. The hot sun shone brightly as I began the seemingly endless task of pruning the apple trees. Time is of the essence because with spring approaching the trees need to be pruned before they begin to bud, or we will have another year of mediocre apples. Some of the trees haven’t ever been pruned while others look in pretty good shape.  I gathered a ladder, pruners, a limb saw, consulted my Western Gardner handbook and went to work.

    My mother used to love trimming trees. "It's like giving him a nice haircut," she'd say as she hacked away. I thought of her while I sat in the tree sawing alone with my thoughts. The limbs were huge,and my arms were soon sore. I ached but I refused to consider using a chainsaw when I'd have to lift it higher than my waist and especially when I'd have to be on a ladder. Instead, I consoled myself with  the toning I was doing.

(limb successfully removed)

(Denise - me - in the apple tree working)

(Henry brings Mama some much needed water)

    Henry started out strong on his list of chores. He gave Irish a much needed bath and brushing, washed a rug from upstairs and put it in the sun to dry, picked up dog poop revealed by melting snow and that’s about where he stopped. Somehow he began fashioning spears and throwing them at trees. Soon he had Alexis throwing them and creating his own spears. The rest of the day we all spent outside in the sun, me in my apple trees and the boys on the lawn playing Lord of the Flies while Clyde, Colter and their sisters puttered about contentedly peeping in the vegetable garden that begged weeding. Miracle ran a round kicking up her heels, the goats nibbled pine needles and the dogs rested in the shade. All but Luther who basked in the sun. I didn’t even let the rest of the pterodactyls out so we’d have some peace.

(Vivian with the huge bone she found - Irish has an even bigger one - Lisa thought it could be elk parts)

    As the sun disappeared it got cool fast so we began the task of taking our newest goose family into the barn. I picked up Lloyd and Clara while Alexis attended to the goslings. He’d picked up three when Henry came out of the barn.

    “Henry, can you come in here and get the last two goslings?” I asked.

    “Sure.” He said as he pushed the flimsy chicken wire gate aside. He circled around and went toward the goslings who instinctively ran. Catching goslings is like trying to catch drops of water.

    I looked over my shoulder and could see Vivian at the entrance of the garden. I screamed at her to stay back but Vivian, seeing Henry trying to catch the goslings, instinctively tried to help. She leapt toward the goslings. I was helpless; the goslings were helpless as I held their protectors Lloyd and Clara in my arms. Henry tried to grab her, but she was too fast. And in an instant Clyde was dead. His little wing contorted, as he lay on the ground lifeless.

    “Is he dead? Is he dead? No! He can’t be dead! She killed him! I hate her!” Henry screamed tears running down his face. He pulled his glasses aside to wipe his tears his body shaking.

    Fiercely, I grabbed Vivian by the collar and locked her in the back yard. Then I just held my sobbing son. It was my fault. From the moment I saw her at the edge of the garden, I knew what she would do she’d always charged the geese as I picked them up. Until now she never came close to hurting one. I don’t think she meant to kill it. I don’t even think she knew he died. During times of grief and regret your mind thinks funny things. As I held Henry, I thought of “Galaxy Quest.” The silly movie with Tim Allen where there’s a powerful weapon that turns time back just a few seconds. If only.

    Raw with grief, Henry went in the house to call my sister while Alexis and I chose a spot for our new pet cemetery knowing that although this was the first death on the farm, there would be others. We chose a nice spot in a grove of trees. I got the spade out of the barn. Solemnly, Alexis dug the hole tears heavy in his eyes while I got a linen napkin to wrap the body. In the cold as it grew dark we spoke softly of tiny spirits and being one with the Universe, the cycle of life and ashes to ashes. I thought of the candeling and how short a time Clyde had had with his family.

(the area)

(a spring napkin)

(Alexis wrapping Clyde's body)

  (The burial site)

     Afterward I went into to check on Lloyd, Clara and the girls. Lloyd and Clara were highly agitated. They kept counting their babies and knew one was missing. I climbed in their pen and sat with them while watching the loss they so obviously felt. “I’m so sorry I let you down my friend.” I apologized to Lloyd. "I kept you from protecting your babies. I didn't mean to really. Can you ever forgive me?" I had no tears. Alexis who’d put Colter in the house brought him out and put him with the others so they could count five again.

    “ I talked to Lisa and Phoebe,” Henry said sadly when I finally came inside.

    “What did they say?” I asked quietly.

    “Phoebe cried and Lisa told me about your dogs and your bunny. She told me lots of things. She calmed me down.” He replied.

    “Did she tell you about Max and Maxine?” I asked.

    “Yes.” He said.

    “Our neighbors who raised chickens told my parents we were supposed to tie the bodies of the chicks around the dogs necks to let them rot and teach them never to do that again.” I explained.

    “I don’t want to do that. I couldn’t’ take it.” Henry said.

    “No. I couldn’t either.”

    "I talked to Awesomez too."

    "Oh yeah, what did she say?"

    "She said to remember the pig farmer and that Clyde's last day was happy with his family."

    "So they both made you feel better?"

    “Yeah, I couldn't get a hold of Daddy. Mama?" He said with such pain in his voice it hurt my heart. "I wish it didn’t happen. I see Vivian differently now - everything has changed.”

March 29th Pig Tales

    (Arriving at Cascade Meadows Farm)

     “Pigs!” Screamed Quinn, Henry and Phoebe at a pitch only children can reach. The pigs in the field looked up. “Piggies!” Quinn screamed again, and suddenly adorable black pigs were running toward us their floppy ears bouncing up and down. The black pigs against the green carpet of grass were quite a sight. We were all instantly enthralled. I pulled over and parked. The Lisas were certain this wasn’t the right house, but I wasn’t. I walked up to the door and knocked. A Reubenesque woman came to the door.

    “I’m looking for Cascade Meadows?” I said as she peeked out the well-worn farmhouse door.

    “Next door.” She said and pulled her head back in out of the freezing rain. I got the told-you-so look from the Lisas. Drat. The Lisas were right again. They went back to move the car while the kids ran giggling and skipping over as I walked the distance to the pale green house.

(Cascade Meadows Farm)

    Soon Kirk was outside dressed for the weather. “If you guys were real farmers, you’d have boots on.” He laughed. I had boots in the car I thought silently but since no one else did I remained quiet. I was not the kid in the class who raised their hand and reminded the teacher no homework had been assigned.
Kirk picked up a 50lb. bag of grain and began calling “Here little piggies! Here little piggies!” as he walked out into a field. Big pigs, little pigs and pigs with enormous teats came from all directions to snack on the grain.

(Kirk opening the grain with both Mamas)

(Standing in the freezing rain: Lisa, Quinn, Phoebe/Henry & L. Awesomez)

(Henry, Me, the pigs and the Spotted Sussex in the hail)
 
    “Ahhhhs” came from everyone as the pigs gathered in the field around Kirk.
“Look Mama! We have that grain for the cows. We already have the kind of food they like.” Henry said, starting his sales campaign.

    “They’re certainly not as big as the pigs at the fair.” My sister said approvingly. “And so engaging.”

(piglet and Mama)

    “No.” Kirk said. “And some of these are four-years-old, so you know they are full grown.”

     “Can you tell which are boys or girls when they’re young?” Quinn asked.

    “Sure, it’s easy.” Kirk said squatting down to teach Quinn how to sex a piglet. Attentive, she was soon sexing all the pigs in effort to narrow down which ones we should take home with us. It seems this was her part in the multi-tiered campaign. Quinn who had expressed some concern about me taking on another animal had folded like a tent.

(Farm girl Quinn learning how to sex a pig from Kirk)

    Kirk was very informative about his pigs. We discussed needing a health certificate to cross state lines and the sensibility of eating your own pig. We talked about the varying hair length their cold tolerance and breed standards.

    “I just don’t think I could butcher my pig.” I said, although I am getting closer to understanding that if people don’t eat these breeds they will become extinct.

    “Buying pork at the market is the same as plunging a knife into the side of this pig.” He said with hand gestures and drama. “I can kill my best friend on the farm. Sure I shed a tear while I’m doing it, but I know the animal had a completely happy life and until the moment I put a bullet in it’s head it has lived a good day. There is no trauma, no fear. It’s just been doing piggy things like eating and being with family until the end. I feel honored to eat it and have it become a part of me.” I glanced over at Awesomez. I could see by the look on her face, this logic was not sitting well with her. The kids while listening to this were distracted to a degree happily scratching pigs right and left. Smiles never leaving their faces they cooed to their new friends.
(Quinn giving a good scratch)

    “Now, I’ve heard horror stories about pigs attacking dogs and kids, but I know you have a young daughter. Do you worry?” I asked thinking of Alfred the Awful and Maryruth’s stern warnings regarding swine purchases.

    “I really don’t. Certainly you want to handle any animal with respect, but these pigs don’t eat the chickens. Many breeds would kill them, but these don’t. They’re pretty gentle it’s been bred out of them. They eat whatever, but they only eat dead things. I’ve never seen any of my pigs kill anything. They forage for most of their food. Just need some shelter from the weather some grain if they’re nursing.

(Guinea Hog and Spotted Sussex)

    “They’re easy keepers.” My sister said.

    “Exactly! They’re easy keepers.” Kirk agreed readily.

    “I’m an easy keeper.” My sister said shrugging her shoulders as Kirk fell victim to my sister’s wit.

    “I’m an easy keeper too.” Kirk agreed.

    They yammered on about frequency of breeding seasons as I meandered over to where Henry was petting Abbey. She’d rolled over on her side so he could really pet her. She was engorged her teats enormous. I wondered if he was just feeling her up in some prepubescent way. As I got closer I could see he was shaking her while singing, “My milkshake brings all the hogs to the yard…” I walked on. Boys.

(Henry does a milk shake on Abbey)

(Henry gives a pig hug)

    “Denise did you hear what Henry is singing?” Quinn demanded. I nodded as I turned toward Lisa. She stood silently in what was alternating between frozen rain and hail doing her best drown rat impression. Cheerily enduring the muddy farm. Truly a good sport I thought as I don’t think there is a drop of farm girl in her. It was more than obvious she didn’t want to cuddle the wet hairy pigs, but she earned my eternal devotion when she succumbed to the kids begging and pleading. The mother of three couldn’t say no. She walked over slowly, as I watched giggling to myself knowing a week ago Lisa, now Awesomez, never thought she’d be standing in mud on a pig farm petting a Guinea Hog, rare or not. I am convinced this visit marks more than one experience as a first. Dare I say she liked them all? Her beaming smile seemed to indicate she was having a good time despite her hesitancy.

(Lisa aka L. Awesomez, Phoebe, Quinn and Henry with Abbey the Guinea Hog)
(Lisa making the best of wet pig hair)

(Nubian - gymnasts of the farm set)

    It was just about this time Nubians showed up to see what was going on. Each goat followed the next sneaking under a gap in the fence determined to get some of the leftover grain. The pigs, on the other hand, having licked the bowls fairly clean, decided enough was enough. Grain or no grain they were going to seek shelter. So off they trotted with the girls skipping along behind them. Henry by now had a favorite pig. A little boy he kept picking up. I know he kept picking him up because each time he did, the baby boy pig would initially squeal. Lisa said the first thing you learn about treating pigs is the essential equipment: earplugs.

(Henry cuddles the baby)

(Henry and baby boy pig)

(Henry, Quinn and Phoebe devise their evil plot to sway me)

    Soon, the baby pig was getting used to Henry and letting himself be handled and snuggled and cuddled and kissed while the mamas, Abbey and I, kept a close eye on the action.
The begging began to intensify as the three experienced lobbyists sat in the mud with the piglets. I held the line. It just wasn’t the time to get a pig I kept repeating in my mind trying to resist them and their charms. I had to concentrate on the reasons I wasn’t here to get a pig today. There are so many considerations like constructing the fence and gate, readying the barn, which I admit, is a small factor. Then there’s the money issue and the fact we’re leaving for Montana very soon, the goslings are coming and I need to figure out what to do with the pterodactyls, Cleveland and Alfred, Ruthie and Matilda so I held the line. Oh, I wavered as anyone who knows me knows. But much to everyone’s surprise I held firm, even when Lord Awesomez generously offered to sponsor the pig and its grain. I couldn’t wait to get in the car; I was ready to buckle at any moment.
(Phoebe pulls herself out of the depths of despair for the camera)

(The piglets)

    The once happy faces of the three little cherubs were now full of loss and despair as they walked the last steps to the car their hopes dashed. Henry clutched baby boy pig almost in tears. “But Mama, he’ll be gone and taken to some butcher.” Henry said in a low tone the pig snuggled up in his arms as he spoke.

    “And just before they cut his throat he’ll think of the Millers.” Quinn interjected. Great she’s a bundle of fun that one.

    “Deniiiiiise why did you bring us?” Phoebe moped. “You should have bonded more with the pigs,” she lamented.

(Sad Henry and piggy)

    “Kids, I didn’t mean to upset you I thought you’d love this, I wanted us to have fun. I told you we weren’t getting a pig today. Maybe we shouldn’t have come. I just wanted to make sure we really wanted a pig at all and if we did if this was the right breed for us. I think it definitely is and so do your mom and Lisa, but I just can’t get the pigs right now. I want to be ready.” I explained logically knowing I could snap in a moment. I had to get out of there fast. I was starting to have thoughts of going to PetCo™ to get a carrier. “Kirk said they were going to have another litter this summer and we could get an even younger pig. We’ll have everything ready and it’ll be right.” I said with conviction.

    “But he was my soul pig” Henry mourned. His soul pig? Stop. The Lisas looked at me. Three mothers knew there was only one thing to do. “Will I find another soul pig”? Henry continued moaning. We drove off and headed right for “Basketball Robins” (Baskin Robins™) where a scoop of chocolate ice cream or rainbow sherbet (if you’ve given up chocolate for Lent) in a waffle cone can still right the world once again.

   

 

    

March 28th Taking The Cake

  

  (Vivian and Bruno inside for a sleepy day)

    I love to make rules. My most quoted rule is “No eating the popcorn before the credits.” I established this rule so I wouldn’t spend half the movie popcornless. However, in recent times due to endless previews and the advent of commercials in the theatre I have had to abandon this mandate.

    Today, I had to follow the rules: Lisa’s rules. Lisa’s rule number 1. No work today. Lisa’s rule number 2. No getting out of pajamas. Lisa’s rule number 3. Happy Hour begins on Greenwich time. Lisa’s rule number 4. Henry gets to pick one of the movies.

    Once absolutely everyone had had breakfast and I had a full pot of coffee brewing we sat down to our first movie. “Twilight”. Lisa had a new found appreciation for the idea vampires could actually roam about in Washington’s weather. Next up was “Benchwarmers”. Lisa tried to protect me, but she truly didn’t make it clear what she thought we were in for. As it turns out, she found my distaste for the movie about as entertaining as the movie. I would not call “Benchwarmers” entertaining. Disgusting is more accurate, but I’m not an eleven-year-old boy or the Awesomez, who laughed far too much for my liking as the once co-founder of CABF (Co-eds Against Bodily Functions) After that we saw “Bugsy Malone” and then moved to Absolut™ Peach, lemonade and Reese Witherspoon’s debut movie “The Man In The Moon”.

(Lisa - Awesomez-, Luther and Henry warm and toasty)

(Henry's own recipe for his special Awesomez cake with Chai icing drizzle- there was a slight problem with the sunflower bundt removal, but it tasted fabulous nonetheless)

    The next morning we were up before the cows. Meeting Lisa, Quinn and Phoebe in Burlington by 5:30AM for a five and a half hour ride to the little town of Sandy, Oregon to see some rare heritage American Guinea Hog piglets at Cascade Meadows Farm. Kirk, the owner, had suggested I bring a dog carrier in case, I wanted to take a breeding pair with me. I did indeed eye one of my larger carriers before we left, but decided to leave it home. This was purely an informational trip. We were going to see another farm with heritage animals. Kirk and his partner have very similar breeds and I was extremely interested to see how they were kept. I was hoping to learn something I could incorporate. And of course, I wanted to see the piggies

    I love a road trip. You get to just be together, chat, hang out and eat. We brought along plenty of snacks for the kids and a huge portion of Henry's chocolate creation he'd made the night before. Quinn complained as she gave up chocolate for Lent, but was soothed by tastes of the Chai icing. Lisa was unhappy as she unwisely gave up all sweets.

    The seating arrangements are always worrisome, but they seemed to work out easily. Henry and Phoebe were compatible in the way back. Lisa and Quinn snuggled in the middle and I had the Awesomez in the front directing me, just in case.

(On our way down I-5)

(Henry and Phoebe in the van)

(Henry and Phoebe watching a movie on Awesomez's dvd player)

(Phoeb)

(Quinn avoiding the camera)

    “Keep an eye on her Lisa,” my sister instructed, “ She tailgates.” I was instantly annoyed. I tailgate. OK I tailgated in college. That’s just like me getting warned at every family cooking or baking event not to put the wooden spoon in the mixer – like I did when I was eight-years-old. Do you never get a fresh start?  I drove on.

    We’d almost arrived at our destination and were going through town looking for somewhere to feed and water the kids. Just as I was about to go through an intersection, "Stop!!" my sideseat driver yelled scaring me out of my wits. It seems she thought I was going too fast and was about to plow into the car ahead of us. Maybe I was going a bit faster than optimum speed, but I was not about to plow into any car. It took me several minutes to resume my previous heartrate as we drove kept looking for a place to start. I wondered if this was why she had done all the driving while she was here. Whatever.

    “Hungry kids are cranky and want to leave.” Awesomez interjected wisely. She’s right, but I think in my excitement I would have just charged forward neglecting bathroom breaks. No matter, I fell in line with the Lisas.

(Henry and Quinn clown around)

    Loretta, my navi, had a full breakdown when we got close to the farm. She had absolutely no data on this area and was close to hysterical. All we were provided was a dotted line. It was kind of like being in a video game. I took a left, as it looked like I should but the arrow turned away from the dots. We didn’t need a sense of direction what we needed was a gamer. We knew were getting close as the arrow consumed the dots on the screen. Henry provided the sound track. “Booop. Booop. Booop.” When we reached the right street we knew we’d made it to the next level.

    “Pigs!” I yelled as they came into view…
 Guinea Hog at Cascade Meadows Farm)

March 27th Over Easy

(Spring is promising to come)

    Ever since Lisa Awesomez arrived, I’ve stopped doing anything. She's giving me a good dose of mothering, she drives me around, does my dishes, chats with Henry, sweeps my hallway, takes me out to eat, pours the wine and has even tried to help me feed the goats.

    In fact, when we were out in the barn I decided we’d better isolate Clara and Lloyd from the other geese again. So we readied the Honeymoon Suite for her and her soon-to-be-goslings. Luckily, we’d had the foresight to put her nest in the bottom of a dog carrier so she was easily moved. I scooped a bunch of shavings in to make it comfy cozy, we got the old gosling’s water jug and filled it. Lisa was able to tighten it down whereas I couldn’t – a rare show of strength, because although she is athletic, I’ve always known I could kick her butt if need be. She too is aware of this, which makes me smile.

    Anyway, I digress, we got some goose feed and put it in a bowl for her and then finally transferred her nest. We were going to try to keep her on top, but were too afraid she’d start flapping and we’d lose control of the nest. To be on the safe side then, we removed Clara from her eggs and gingerly and more carefully than the jeweler cutting diamonds on the old Lincoln™ commercials, we transported the nest. Clara followed closely behind watching us like a hawk or mother hen or some sort of watchful bird. She waddled into the Honeymoon Suite and with her bill counted her eggs. Then walked back to where her nest had previously been looking for her babies. She was confused. I picked her up and brought her to her eggs once more. She didn’t sit on her nest, but stood there looking around. Lisa (Awesomez) and I got a piece of wood and barricaded her in. She was agitated almost frantic, but I thought she’d settle down in a moment. I was wrong. With the determination of a mother trying to protect her young, Clara flew over the barricade and went to where her old nest had been once again. Lisa and I stood there dumbfounded. We wanted to protect her not torture her. I scooped her up again and put her back near her eggs.

(Clara checks nest)
(Clara looks for her missing nest)

(Clara refuses to sit on her nest - unconvinced all her eggs are here)

(Clara's nest uncovered in case it tempts her)

    “Do you have a larger piece of wood?” Lisa asked me sensibly.

    “I should, you guard Clara and I’ll look.” I suggested.

    “Guard Clara? What? Me?” Lisa asked in a slight panic. “You are going to leave me alone with the goose?” She asked wide-eyed.

    “Yes. Just stand there so she doesn’t fly out again. You don’t really have to do anything, she’s not going to fly when you’re blocking the way.” I left her there uncomfortably watching her charge while I went around the yard looking for a suitable piece of wood that would serve as Clara’s barrier, but everything I found was either too big or too heavy or not quite right. When I returned, Lisa was standing there staring at Clara and Clara was staring right back at Lisa.
(Clara looking at Lisa)

(Vivian helping)

    “She did eat and drink a little bit, I think she’s settling down.” Lisa dutifully reported. Suddenly, braniac that I am, I had an idea. Why didn’t we just close the sliding door? It seems obvious, but we hadn’t wanted to really ‘close them in’ like that. I felt more comfortable being able to peek in, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Sure enough, when we came back to check on her, she was back on her nest.

(Clara finally sits)

    Several times through out the day I came out to check on her. Lisa no longer wanted to come because of them. The evil twins. Alfred and Cleveland are waging war on anyone who comes in to their yard. They tried to goose Lisa, but she escaped.
(Alfred and Cleveland -menacing)

(Alfred and Cleveland waging war)

(Cleveland aggressive)

(Lloyd full of personality, mugging for the camera)

(Lisa and her new friends, Lloyd and Quackmire going to the pond)

I wasn’t so lucky. Alfred attacked me. He surprised me by getting me by the pant leg and almost took me down. I had to push him away with a shovel. Upset and disappointed, I wondered how Phoebe would have fared. Strangely, Ruthie and Matilda are getting just as aggressive while Lloyd and Quackmire are just as cuddly as ever and Clara lets me pet her on the nest. Mabel is skittish these days, but would never attack. As a result, thoughts of culling the gaggle in favor of a couple of goslings are going through my head. But I’ll think about that tomorrow, it must be time for Lisa to make dinner and I need another glass of wine.

March 25th The Batman and Alfred

   

  (Eagle soars)

    The day was like any other lately, rainy, but to me the sun was shining I had my friend, Lisa visiting. We went to the Harris Café with Annie and my sister. There was laughter, stories and tips on visiting Cancun. We chatted how Lisa owned a wildly successful Mexican restaurant  in Mammoth but can’t speak a word of Spanish, can’t cook a bit of Mexican food, but can smile and delegate. We talked about swimming with the dolphins, and the demands of parenting girls. It was there I drifted from the conversation sinking into a place of financial despair. They shared, giggled and discussed trip insurance while I selfishly wondered how I was going to pay my bills. It was like watching TV as I sat there disassociated from the experience. Just in time, I came back to the real world and joined the conversation as the bill arrived.

(more soaring eagle - blah, blah, blah)

    Afterward, we went home and Lisa met the barn animals. She made friends with Miracle. Candled Mabel's eggs and got acquainted with Apache. In the end, she was justifiably afraid of the geese, well Alfred especially who chased an injured Lisa out of the barn and across the yard at full tilt. She narrowly avoided being goosed on our way back in the house.

    It being almost noon and this being vacation I was told by several friends it was perfectly acceptable to serve lunch in a glass. So I blended up a pitcher of margaritas. I was a tad nervous as Lisa is an “on the rocks – no salt” margarita drinker. This comes with a disdain for those of us who enjoy the frozen version. Apparently, we’re not real “drinkers”, we don’t enjoy tequila. Guilty on both counts. Still she asked for one and I was trying to be an accommodating hostess. I watched her as she took a sip. She didn’t grimace and told me, “Mil, they’re really good for being blended.” I accepted this as high praise. As we finished our pitcher I noticed it was almost time to pick up my boy.

(Another empty egg)
(Lisa humoring me)

(Lisa with some bad eggs)


    We hopped in the car and started out when I saw my down the road neighbor, John, riding his bicycle so we stopped.

(John)

    “Hey John, I spoke to Leah the other day, and she said you were thinking of putting in a walk way. If she wants to come up and take a peek at mine just stop by.”

    “Who?”

    “Leah? Your wife, the woman you live with.” I said kidding.

    “Oh! I couldn’t really hear you.” He said.

    “So, I did mine with Quickcrete™ from Lowes™.” I informed him.

    “I’ve been putting mothballs out lately.”

    “Mothballs? Why what do you use that for?” I asked completely confused.

    “Bats.”

    “Bats? Mothballs keep bats at bay?” I said as surprised as I could be.

(Bat flying in my house - some time ago)

    “Yeah, we’ve found a bunch in the house, but since the mothballs we’ve only had one.” He stated firmly. “Before that I had to go after them with my trout fishing net or my 32.”

    “John! You were shooting at bats in your house?” I laughed. I thought Lisa was going to pee in her pants.

    “Well, I wasn’t going to sleep. Leah doesn’t like bats flying around in the house. So I had to get ‘em.”

    “John, let me get this straight you’re either running around your log cabin with your trout net after a bat or shooting at them in your house in the middle of the night?

    “Yep. The trout net worked pretty well.” He said with a lilt in his voice and a sparkle in his eyes. Leah wasn’t going let me sleep with bats in the house so I had to take care of the problem. We then discussed the cougar incident with the dog being taken off the porch and wrapped it up Henry was waiting.

    “Well, come by any time and I’d love to show you the walkway.” I said sincerely.

    We picked up Henry who was so excited to see Lisa. “Gomez!” He screamed when he saw her. “You are so Awesome! You are: Awesomez! In fact, you're Lord Awesomez!”

    "Shouldn't that be Lady Awesomez?" I inquired concerned about gender correctness.

    "NO! Lord Awesomez has waaay more power." Henry emphatically confirmed.

    “Awesomez? Awesomez? Really. I think that’s the best name ever next to Go-Go."

(Henry and Lord Awesomez share secrets)

   

   
   
   

March 24th It's About Time

   

(A rainbow - proof it does stop raining in Washington)

    Last week my friend, Go-Go, Lisa Gomez  (one of the many Lisa’s in my life) announced she was coming to visit me this week in addition to the already arranged July visit with her daughter, Lindsey. My initial response was “Fantastic!” my next thought was of the mounds of laundry, the landing I’d thought would be finished in time and the general state of farmness my house was in. You know, lead ropes on the dining room table, defunct goose eggs in a basket and sundry drywall mud buckets littering the front porch. One thing was clear, it had to all be cleaned and ready and that was that.

    On the way home from gymnastics I discovered, Henry wanted to make some money and more interestingly, he didn’t mind the idea of laundry. We struck a deal. He was to wash, fold AND put all the clothes away in drawers for $20.00 bucks. Now, this may seem like a lot of money to some and Henry actually admitted he’d have done it for $5.00 but as it was he needed at least two washing machines and a few days to get through it all. There were mishaps and a fairly steep learning curve. We now own a beautifully dense woolen sweater suitable for Bruno to wear in the winter. He also washed and dried my wool winter coat but I’d had it for 15 years and these were small sacrifices to pay for tidy linens.
(Henry doing his Cinder-fella impression)

(Irish somehow squeezed into the chair)

(Because Bruno has stolen the big dog bed and Irish won't challenge his best buddy the rat-bat dog)

    In the mean time, Alexis and I worked on the landing. We finished patching and sanding per Tom’s instructions then used two coats of ZAP™ exterior primer and let it fully cure. Next, a dark primer to save on paint and soon we were doing topcoat. As a result of one of my many Home Depot™ and Lowes™ runs I decided to do the one wall leading up to the stairs in metallic gold. However, once done it seemed so big and blank, requiring large pieces of art I don’t have money for. So I switched gears and went with a weathered sage crackle finish. Accomplishing two things, making the wall look more interesting and hiding the imperfections from the formerly “cottage cheese” wall it had been. I added curtains and we were good to go.
(Alexis cuts-in the dark primer)

(the gold wall goes up)

(Henry has one of the new doors - just had to paint it)

(cranberry walls and black doors - will want new doors when I can eek out the cash)

(still needs baseboards- stair runner, banister & crown molding but it's getting there)

 

(gold curtains, cranberry walls, gold crackle with sage overcoat)

    It was almost midnight when we finished the day before she was to arrive and I still hadn’t really made a dent in the cleaning. The general house wasn’t too bad, but there were floors to mop and everything required dusting. The kitchen had been ignored for days due to project mode. And of course, the landing had everything in one big heap in the middle of the room, dry wall mud stuck to the floor and tools absolutely everywhere. I started with the construction zone, as I didn’t want Gomez coming in and feeling like she had to don a hard hat. I worked and worked and worked. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. At about 4:30AM I chatted online with my friend, Alicia, the Steeler fan. At 5:30 AM I called Mike. I knew he’d be up. He’s always up and he’d chat with me to keep me going while I washed the floors in the sunroom. At 6:30AM Tom called and I was just about ready to tackle my room. By the time Henry got up, things were not quite the state of emergency they had been when he went to bed.

(got the desk back in place -albeit messy)

    “Henry it’s time to get up.” I said exasperated from lack of sleep. “You haven’t helped me at all. You haven’t done one thing since you went to bed.” I said half out of my mind. Henry started shaking with laughter.

    “You didn’t just say that. Mama, you didn’t go to bed.” He said sleepily. “You must be excited you’re having Lisa Gomez visit.”

    “I am excited and it would be rude to have someone visit you after 17 years, someone who has asthma and who isn’t exactly a huge animal lover because of allergies and then for them to walk in to dog hair.” I said in a weary voice.

    “Oh Mama, I’m up now. I’ll clean the kitchen.” And he did while I took a hot shower and got ready to pick Gomez up at the airport. It’s amazing what a little make-up can do. When I came back downstairs to pump myself full of caffeine I couldn’t believe the job he’d done. He did love me. I gazed at the shiny counters and looked at my boy standing there so proud. “Mama’s going to have a friend over.” He said in his goofy voice while I hugged him.

     Soon I was off to the airport and Henry took this time to catch up on “Family Guy and “The Simpson’s”. I couldn’t deny he’d earned it. Lisa Gomez had given me strict instructions not to be late. The plane was early. I wondered if this was a test, but no matter I was earlier. She limped into the baggage claim area due to a recent mishap resulting in a broken foot,  I saw her familiar smile. It light up her face, I walked over and hugged her the years instantly melting away. We were together again.

(Henry has fallen in love with the very snuggly Lisa Go-Go Gomez)

March 13th All Creatures Great & Small

(Spring is in the air)

    There’s a time for everything. When you’re in you’re twenties people start getting married. Suddenly, you get wedding announcement and invitations galore. I went to thirteen weddings in one year. I went to my roommate June’s wedding in the morning and my friend Valerie’s wedding two hours away in the evening. There was a lot of celebrating during those times.

(Jaxon "Fireball" Roberts - Henry's cousin- Doug's first born)

    Next, came the babies and with the babies came the showers, the shower games, christenings and the brisses. After that kindergarten, little league, cheerleading and sadly sometimes divorce. New marriages, bankruptcies, promotions and fresh starts.

(Lisa, "Go-Go" Gomez Berger and her daughter, Lindsey)

    So when you get a note from a friend that says “Linda’s new baby, introducing Ezra only two hours old”, most people know what to expect. Unless, you live on a farm and the note is from Maryruth.

Then the time for celebrating is every spring, as new life begins.

(Ezra - son of Linda)

(Ezra looking at the world)

(Ezra gets a sniff)

(Ezra meets the herd)

(Ezra getting his legs under him)

    As for my friend, Sir Edward, he too seems to be living on. I spoke with his owner just to check on him and perhaps despite practicality, I was going to offer to take him. Tom who is always concerned about not being able to afford new animals and who is always worried that we need to take better care of the ones we already have before we add more was suddenly constructing places to keep him in his mind. I heard his “Do you think he’d get along with the Devon’s? We can’t just walk away.”  And they say I’m the soft touch.

     Henry asked, “Does this mean he’s a goner?" I was consumed with guilt.

     As luck would have it, she can’t seem to bring herself to put him down. She says she’s had a change of heart, she loves him too much. I’ll keep stopping by, just in case.

(Sir Edward - living life)

   

 

    

February 26th The Weather Outside is Frightful

(Coach Gordy training Henry on Giants)

    I can learn, I can change and I have proof. Last night, my sister called me at gymnastics and said the hail we had earlier was turning into a full-blown snowstorm.

    “The roads are getting bad fast, I think you should go home.” She said in her ‘I’m now officially protecting you voice.’

    And although I didn’t immediately leave gymnastics with Henry, I did immediately call Alexis to assess the road conditions. He is potentially more laid back about them than I am. “I’ll give you a call if it looks too bad, but for now it’s OK.” He said with authority.

    I didn’t want Henry to have to leave gymnastics when he’s missed a bunch of time due to wrestling. He only gets one more meet to qualify for Regionals and then it’s over for the year. He was working really hard. While I was watching Henry practice giants on the high bar, my friend, Lisa, called and strongly urged me to follow my sister's instructions as she believed my sister the levelheaded one or something of that sort. So I was frankly pretty proud of myself, I had indeed responded in a concerned and responsible manner, and when Alexis called saying, “Time to go, it’s dumping.” We left.

    The ride home was tense with “Family Guy” droning in the background and flakes the size of cell phones flying in my face. The windshield wipers had quickly frozen making a constant pounding noise increasing my stress ten fold. My friend, Lisa called every twenty minutes or so to check on us and although I was a wreck I kept telling her I was fine in an overly cheery voice which irritated her as she could see through my crusty outer shell. We had wisely taken the more traveled route to minimize our chances of getting stuck and even the Interstate 5 was slow going. Along the way Henry and I passed more than one car in a ditch. Each time we stopped and got out cell phone in hand checking to make sure everyone was all right and a tow truck was coming.

    Once to Mosquito Lake Road Henry called Alexis to tell him to expect us home within a half-hour, just in case. The snow on the long dark road was deep. The radio claimed 10 inches had fallen at our elevation in the last couple of hours. I had thought the peppy radio voices were exaggerating, but now I was convinced. We crawled along staying in the single lane of tracks. Occasionally, high centering, but having enough traction to keep going. We were almost to the place where we’d been stuck the first time I went into first gear and started up the hill, leaning forward for good measure.

    “Come on Mama!” Henry encouraged from the dark backseat. The “Family Guy” was now off as I needed the quiet less I completely flip out.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can I thought as we climbed up the hill the traction control kicking in. Just about three quarters up the hill, headlights came into view traveling on the same single lane tracks. Was that Alexis already coming to get us? No. The massive truck didn’t yield to us and barreled past us. I had to pull off into the deep snow and come to a stop losing my momentum. Henry and I sat there in disbelief.

    “What are the chances of a car coming around the bend in the middle of the evening at just this moment?” I asked incredulously.

“We hardly ever pass anyone.” Henry confirmed. I backed up and tried again and again and again, but I couldn’t get far enough down the hill to gain the same kind of speed. We were now almost immobile in the middle of the road. I wasn’t at all comfortable with this so I backed up again and began fish tailing. My heart beat hard knowing of the drop off just a few feet away. I stopped. I took a few deep breaths and spoke reassuringly to Henry.

    “Mama are you scared?”

    “Well, no not now. I was while we were driving, but now I’m OK. There isn’t anything to worry about this time. We know Alexis is coming very soon. Check the time, he won’t be late. He knows we’re out here so we’re fine.”

    “I’m awake this time and it’s scarier. There isn’t any light at all when you turn off the headlights. I don’t think you should try to move anymore.”

    “I don’t either. We’re not going to make it, so there’s no real point. I just don’t feel comfortable in the middle of the road if someone comes around the turn so I’m going to make one last effort to pull up to the side.” I informed him.

    “OK.” I slammed it in first and made my move stopped the car and waited. True to his word Alexis came along in short order.

(Alexis arrives)

    “Are we going to do the old tractor maneuver?” I asked as he got a towline out of his trusty Jeep™.

    “Yeah, I’ll pull and you take the stuck vehicle.”

    “Well, we’ve had plenty of experience.” I laughed glad he was here. “What am I going to do if you ever move away Lancelot?”
(10 " of snow Whatever!)

(Alexis pulling into position)

(Henry in the van)

    “You’ll manage. I know you.” Was that a compliment or a slam I wondered? I’m still not sure. Alexis backed up with a tad more zip than was called for smashing right into the front of my van. I held my breath. I had a sudden vision of Henry strapped in the Odyssey™ and going over the edge. I stood there helpless watching the van lurch backward sliding just a bit. No harm done. Alexis got out and we assessed. Nothing was wrong with either car. In a jiffy we were hooked up and home.

(Alexis sets up)

    In the end, while I had to admit to my Protective Paisans, my Concerned Clan, my Fearful Family consisting of Tom, my sister Lisa, Mike and my friend, Lisa also known as “Go-Go” that I did indeed get stuck on Mosquito Lake Road. Again. In my defense, I was able to point out it is also true I took logical steps to prevent a repeat of our last ordeal. I might be annoyingly independent, pig-headed and shrill when excited, but I do listen. Sometimes. I might even go as far as admitting I might need taking care of - on occasion.
(Alexis carries a laughing Henry)

(Alexis takes my inappropriately dressed child to the house)

November 4th With A Little Help From My Friends

(Me in 1981 with my pledge sister, Tanya Lerud, during sorority rush - check out my ensemble, this was quite a little plaid outfit with matching knickers!)

    I know what most people think of sororities. The movies are filled with images of immaculately groomed blondes in expensive clothes. They’re shallow, wealthy, self-absorbed and consumed by their pursuit of men, money and a good time. I'm sure this is true in many places or it wouldn't be so common an image. This was not my experience.
(My pledge ribbon)
    I was a reluctant pledge in 1981. Of all people, my mother, the ultimate non-joiner of anything organized, encouraged me to go through sorority rush because her friend Joan’s daughter, Amy, was in a sorority and seemed to love it. My memories of Amy were of her on Balboa Island drinking Sloe Gin and laughing all the time. She was funny and four years older than me.
(Amy Schloss and Beth Jansen)

My mother’s rationale was that, with me attending a commuter, plain wrap school like California State University Northridge (CSUN) and being fairly shy, I wouldn’t make any friends. I’d go to school and come home and that would be that. I knew in my heart she was right. High school at Calabasas had taught me all about backstabbing girls and I was afraid I would be in for more of the same. In a moment of weakness I listened to my mother and decided to give it a try. As it turned out, she was right. Rush was fun and exhausting, and I found I was good at conversation. Thanks to my grandmother, Irene, I was big into soaps like All My Children (Greg and Jenny) and General Hospital (Luke and Laura). I could always find something to chat about. Wonderfully, I ended up in the same sorority as Amy. (Homecoming was a Soap theme)
 
    The year I pledged, Alpha Omicron Pi (AOII pronounced AO Pi) was trying to find girls with leadership qualities because the pledge class before us, the Alpha Betas, didn’t want to take offices and the chapter needed a few more leaders. As a result, 18 out of 19 Alpha Gammas ran for pledge class president, everyone but Irene - who didn't think anyone liked her. And that set the stage for the next four years. They wanted involved? We were involved.

(notes "Dear Denise, let's hit the library next semester, you are too much fun to study with! Have a very merry Christmas! Love & Roses, Debbie Barrett)
(Debbie Block working with Zeta Beta Tau on the Homecoming float)

(rendering of the AOII house - Sigma Phi Chapter)

    We were a sorority filled with girls of all types. Our surnames ranged from Berman to Gomez to Gallo to Baird-Smith. Most of us dressed in sweats, and played intramural football. We were involved in school politics, philanthropy, academic honor societies. We had study buddies to keep our grades up. We got apartments together because our house was like those in the movies. It was a regular three-bedroom house in a regular neighborhood. We worked -.as checkers in markets, as tellers in banks, as waitpersons in restaurants, and we ran places like Chuck E. Cheese. No one had a fancy car, well, except for  Julie Berman. She had a late model orange Mercedes™,  the "taxicab", but that’s because she wasn’t a very good driver and her father was afraid for her life.
(Presents 1981 - Lisa Weisbroad) (Lisa Dunn, Valerie Anderson, Dayna Goldstone, Lori Franklin)

    As you go from Pledge to Initiate, you can fully participate and run for sorority office. I held many offices and learned leadership, responsibility, management, commitment, follow-through and, most importantly, when planning a black tie dinner never order Caesar salad if it comes with hunks of anchovies - you'll never ever, under any circumstances whatsoever - live it down. 

    Most exciting is when the next pledge class comes along and you get to have a little sister you can help and introduce to things. My first pledge was my little sister Susan, an artist who was so shy she wouldn’t dance. So, to make a connection with her, I learned to make things. I even made a cabbage patch doll. My second little sister was Monica. Monica was an accounting major. She defied the deaf culture at CSUN and pledged a hearing sorority. She and her sister, who also pledged, were deaf since birth. Monica could read lips (very handy at parties). So, to better understand her, I dabbled in sign language. And finally, I got Barbara Jordan. a glove with wheels. A spunky center fielder who made it all the way to the Olympic team. So I went to the Matador Softball Team practice rain or shine. Barb tried to teach me to throw, she really did. She was patient and kind until we both agreed, I was doomed to always throw like a girl. Truly, they each taught me so much.
(The night I had "7 tots of shequila)

(Laurie Franklin, Lisa Dunn, Lisa Weisbroad "White-bread", Irene Shepherd, and Moira Callahan)
(Beth Callahan doing an impression of yours truly)

    Of course, we did all the crazy silly things girls do in college. We pulled all-nighters and ditched class to go skiing. We went to Sigma Chi Tough Tuesdays and Phi Delt Wednesdays were White Russians prepared by Bob Bekian. We met at the ZBT house for the “WTF” punch prepared by Pat Milman in a garbage can. We worked on homecoming floats "foofing" crepe paper, campaigned for the school senate and tee-peed houses. We went to formals and exchanges (themed parties with a fraternity). We went on scavenger hunts and rode mechanical bulls. But one thing was always true. A girl who ditched her sister for a guy was not a popular girl.

(Tanya and Me)

    I don’t mean to imply that the sorority was a group of girls that always got along. In fact, there were a lot of girls I didn’t particularly like - but still would do anything for. They were all my sisters, including my real sister, Lisa. That doesn’t make sense to most people, but what it means is we didn’t always have to be friends. We were an extended family with common goals. We had to get along. We had to work it out. We had to respect each other's differences. That isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It helps you in the workplace when you don’t like your boss. It’s how you keep your cool when Lisa’s leaf lady says nasty things. It’s how you develop friendships that last.
  (Tanya and me at Presents with Sigma Chis)
(Debbie "Stearn", my AOII big brother Pat Milman (ZBT), my big sister Lisa "Go-Go Gomez, Christina and Me "Tiger", "Mil", "The Pup")

    While we were in college, my real sister Lisa’s AOII big sister Loretta Baldonado tragically passed away. It was a horrific experience, especially for Lisa. I'm not sure anyone handled it well, but I remember her funeral very vividly. Her mother was standing next to Loretta’s sister Kim, as someone in the family took pictures. I thought it strange to take pictures at a funeral, but her mother said, as we each put a long-stemmed red rose on her white casket, “It comforts me to know she had such friends.” Loretta wasn’t the only one we lost during those years or since - we’ve lost Deanne, Laurie, Ann and Beverly. And each time, we comfort each other. When my mother died, in they came like locusts descending on our house. They weren’t like guests, they charged in. Valerie and one of the many Lisas started fixing plates and putting things in order. They were family.
. (Deanne "DeDe" Rosencrantz)

    Over the years, I've grown away from some and closer to others. We've been through many highs and lows - buying houses, suffering illnesses, celebrating marriages, having babies, filing bankruptcies, receiving promotions and passing many of life's other milestones. Now I face another difficult situation in my life, this time a financial one. Like the rest of the nation, Tom and I didn’t foresee the crash dive of the stock market, the collapse of the real estate market or the fact that, after so much reassurance, we wouldn't be able to get a business loan or find investors.  But once again, when I sent out a call for help to a few of my sisters, they responded in force. They swooped in with small loans, notes of encouragement, phone calls, networking ideas and possible job opportunities. They’ve worked on my resume, looked at my cover letter and come up with all sorts of creative ideas to keep this farm going and our dream alive. Funny, when I pledged I thought the saying stamped on just about every sweatshirt and pillow -  “AOII is Forever” - was super corny. Now, at 45, I realize it's true. OMX
(My AOII pin with the ruby A)