As The Butter Churns

July 23rd Almost Famous

    The other day I received an invitation to be on “PM Bellingham” with Jacqueline Cartier, a local radio show on KGMI, Jacqueline had heard about my antics out on Mosquito Lake Road and thought it would be fun to have me in the studio. Of course, I didn’t hesitate. I’ve never been interviewed. Tom’s been interviewed about some of his breakthrough-creative on Honda and Henry’s been on KLOS with Mark & Brian, but Mama has never hit the big time. I was worried I’d mess up. I thought it would be a Miracle if I didn’t sound like an ass. What if I didn’t know what to say and stammered like a fool?

    As the time grew near I started worrying about my hair. My hair. Is that insane? It’s radio. I didn’t have ten minutes to do it in the morning before I fed the geese, the dogs and the cats because I had to get Henry to gymnastics. I’d bought this new product. It’s a mousse with wax. I put a glob on my wet hair and began drying. My hair was a disaster it felt greasy and dirty as if I hadn’t washed it in a week. I’d obviously put too much in and now we had to leave. I’d broken the golden rule “never try a new product on a big day – ever” and I was paying the price. Henry thought it looked “pretty normal” so I let it go and off we went.
(The KGMI Lobby)

(Where we waited to go on)

    When we got to the station and I was waiting to go on the air, Henry turned to me and gave me his last minute words of advice. “Just don’t burp. It will sound awful and it doesn’t smell good.”

“I’ll try not to.” I assured him.

(Henry and Jacqueline before we went on air)

CILCK HERE TO HEAR
my interview with Jacqueline

(In the studio with Jacqueline)

April 20th Henry, Mark and Brian

    My son, Henry is either going to be President of the United States or a used car salesman. He’s a boy who knows what he wants and how to cut a deal. He’s determined and can negotiate terms with any labor union. I know this because he wears me down. He asks or restructures his question or plea over and over. He has been in trouble for this since he was two, yet he persists. It is a quality that will probably take him far economically, as long as he uses it for good instead of evil.

    I mention this, because I told Henry “No,” the other day. I told him we’d spent enough money and I wasn’t going to buy him the “The Fantastic Four Silver Surfer” DVD. Admittedly it was rather inexpensive, only $6.99, and I knew we had enjoyed the first “Fantastic Four”, but No was no. Enough was enough. However, when it comes to Henry, no isn’t always no, despite my best efforts.

    I don't have a lot of rules and it's true many things are OK with me like eating in the family room or Heelys™ in the house. It's not that I'm wishy washy, I am a disciplinarian. I’m the type of mom that, on a trip to the zoo in horrendous traffic on a blistering hot day when I really didn’t want to go anyway said, “If you do that one more time, I’m going to turn this car around.” And did. Follow through is not my problem. For years, when I was ready to leave my traditional after-work coffee klatch with my friends Gina and Jacqueline I would say, “Listen, if you don’t stop (insert any bad behavior here) we’re going to leave.” And, naturally, in a few minutes I would be allowed to leave and make a point. Don’t mess with Mama.

    Fifth graders, when they would start the school year, thought I was the “easy” teacher. That was my reputation and I think the other teachers thought so, too, but a couple of days into the year the kids would complain that they’d been sold a bill of goods, No one told them they were entering the "Miller-tary". The reason is, I can be strict and not mad. I don’t necessarily get angry. In class I would simply torture them using whatever method worked most effectively. For Quinndavious it was sitting next to a particular girl. He sat there until he could get along with her. For Benny it was his middle name. He really didn’t want anyone to know it or he was going to die of humiliation. So I simply put a letter from his middle name on the board each time he wasn’t toeing the line. No one else knew why I was playing this little game of hangman, but Benny had an excellent year – until he cracked somewhere near the end of May and blurted it out, said he couldn’t take the pressure.

    The reason I bring this up at all is when I said “No” to Henry he reminded me of the last DVD he’d asked for and I’d said "No." "The Lady and the Tramp." It was in re-release and he really wanted it. He campaigned, but I didn’t want to spend the money and, after all, he’d seen the thing two and a half billion times. With many children that might have been the end of it. Perhaps a tantrum or a hunger strike, but not with Henry.

    My son, got up early on St. Patrick’s Day and called one of the largest radio stations in Los Angeles, 95.5 KLOS™. As he was dialing he told me he intended to get Mark and Brian™, the morning hosts who’ve been on the air since I was in college, to give him the DVD. He asked, “If I get it without you buying it, can I keep it?”

    “Sure.” Who am I to stomp on ingenuity? “But Henry, I have called KLOS many times over the years and I have never ever gotten through, so don’t get your hopes up," I said rationally, trying to soften the blow for my then eight-year-old. I hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed.

    “Mom, they’re giving away stuff to people who can tell them jokes. I’m going to get it for free.”

    “Honey, do you know how many people live in Los Angeles; this isn't a small town. Mark and Brian are so popular and everyone calls them. I just-“

   
    “I'm good."

(Play Call)